Have had bad SA since I can remember. Looking for some input

[Chich15]

Hi I just discovered this forum last night. Let me give a backround of myself. I am 20 year old guy who has been told by many people to be pretty good looking. I am also tall (6 5) and athletic. I have a rare talent in the ability to throw a baseball 90 to 93 MPH and I will be taking my talents to a big baseball school next year ( I also have a great chance at playing pro ball). I have a beautiful, great girlfriend who I care for a lot.

I have had social anxiety throughout my whole life. Through highschool it was the worst, especially with girls. I had atleast 8 or 9 girls throughout highschool that wanted to date me but I just avoided every one. I was attracted to them all too, but I always feared id screw up and make an ass out of myself. I got a little better with coping with my irrational feelings towards the end of my freshman year at college until now. What I mean is that while I still had irrational negative thoughts flowing through my head I just shoved my way through them and did what I needed to do. One of the things that was bothering me was I still hadn't even kissed a girl and it was my sophomore year of college. Well I started to go out a little more even though I was EXTREMELY nervous. Well I happened to kiss three girls in the span of 1 month, and I am dating the 3rd one now (who I also lost my virginity too). You may be reading this and think that I am doing great but mentally I think I am worse now.....

Me finally opening up to women has opened up new insecurities. Does she think im a good kisser? Am I ok in bed? Does she still like me? These irrational thoughts flow through my head all day. However, the rational side of my brain knows these thoughts are completely RIDICULOUS and UNWARRANTED yet I still cannot control these irrational thoughts and they still outpower the rational, positive thoughts. I have grown extremely depressed over the last 2 weeks. I am not depressed from the actually thoughts anymore; I now have found ways to just suck it up and do the things im nervous about. However, the thing I am depressed over is that I still believe the negative, irrational thoughts are true. I still can't walk anywhere without thinking im the center of attention. I still think everyone is judging me. I still think if someone in my presence(like my girlfriend) is in a bad mood that it is because of me. After I have a conversation with someone I always think I made a bad impression.

I really can't take this anymore, Its so frustrating because I know for a fact that I have certain gifts that about 1 in a million get. I know I have a lot of things going for me but lately the negative thoughts have just been destroying me inside. I just cannot control them. It feels like im running towards my goals in life with a parachute attached to my back. I have also been acting depressed and really overly dramatic around my girl. I finally had to tell her my problems right now so she knows its not her.

Are there any answers out there? I have seen a psychologist about my problems about 10 sessions but it didn't help me at all. Are there any good books I can read? One thing I forgot to mention( i know the post is long). Is that I have a absolutely shitty diet. I eat an insane amount of sugar and caffeine daily and I read somewhere that its really bad for social anxiety. The first thing on my list is to get on a good diet.

 

[shell]

Hello there. I would agree with you that your diet isn't helping your obessive thoughts - especially the caffeine. I can totally understand the unrelenting thoughts (as I'm sure do most other members of this website). Whenever I have been really depressed it feels like my brain is made up of a ton of different channels that are constantly changing. And all I want to do is shut off my brain.
I know that caffeine (and sugar) aggravates this tendency alot. So you're right on in knowing that you should lay off the stimulants. You should also take a good multivitamin, as depression and anxiety can be caused by or made worse by a vitamin deficiency.
That sucks that therapy hasn't helped at all. Does your counselor not take you seriously?
For me, when I was at my worst, therapy alone didn't help. I chose to go on an antidepressant, which in all honesty I have to say was a literal life-saver. My thoughts were so obsessive, unrealistic and out of control that I needed more than just counseling. So I don't know if you have considered it but an antidepressant may help. I'm not a big fan of antidepressants (I think they are way overprescribed), but I know that they can help tremendously when nothing else does.
I hope this helped. Know that you are not alone and there really is help out there.
God Bless,
Michele

 

[Orlando]

Chich15,

I was just thinking that there is a famous football player that has Social Phobia. He is on the Miami Dolphins. I think his name is Ricky Johnson, not sure though. Ya might want to check that out.

Good Luck! I wish I had a God-given talent. I don't think picking my nose counts (LOL)

 

[Pongle]

I saw Orlando mention this guy and I remember reading it myself not long ago. So I managed to dig out the link for you if you haven't already found it.

Ricky Williams

 

[Anonymous]

Pongle, Thanks for the correction. I appreciate it!

Chich15, hope the info helps.

Seeya!