Hate the word CAN'T!

[caged-inside]

I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!

Everytime someone I've met online asks if I wanna meet up... I always say no. But not because I don't want to, because I CAN'T!!

I can't meet them because they will hate me. I can't meet them because I will crap myself. I can't meet them because I open the front door and I feel NAKED. I CAN'T DO ANYTHING.

I can't even go into the garden anymore, I know it is just stupid but it feels like people are watching me from their windows....

And when it feels like they are, it makes me feel like im being self-obsessed.. which I probably am.. I know damn well no1 is watching me.. & thinking about it, I couldn't give a shit even if they were, but it is the feeling of them watching me which makes me uncomfortable and shake and go red and have to go back into the house.

Sorry, it's just stupid but I had to let off some steam.

 

[garnet]

Try not to beat yourself up about it. We all have to start somewhere, and if we take it step by step, we will make slow but steady progress. You may feel unable to do these things right now, but give it time, you may surprise yourself by the progress you have made this time next year!

I totally get the same thing with being out in the garden by the way! But I find that if I take a book/magasine to immerse myself in, it isn't quite as bad, you end up forgetting about your anxiety. Or, wear a MP3 player or personal radio and that helps you to forget about other people too. I much prefer to sit in the garden with friends or family, cos you are too busy chatting with them and enjoying yourself to worry about who may or may not be watching you.

Any how, I hope you have got some comfort from this. Good luck!