I've been wanting to travel for years, talking about it and "planning" it, and in the last month I've decided I'm just going to do it.
I've told my therapist, in itself quite a big step for me, and cut down how often I see him (the cost of that alone has impeded me saving to go!), and now I'm (really) planning to leave in September.
It was really hard to tell my therapist this - I assumed he'd disagree, that he'd think I was giving up, flipping him off - and it's still hard to talk about because I automatically put my negative assumptions into his head. But we've been able to talk about it, and it's neither negative or positive. It's both and neither.
I'm scared. But I'm doing it, and I know while travelling that my problem won't disappear, but I'm now accepting that I'll never be totally ok, but I can't let that stop me doing things anymore, and I'm actually relishing the thought of putting myself through the paces. I'm going to live my dream, and the fact I'm now actually going to do it has really given me something to work towards.
My theory - whatever you want to do- whatever- do yourself a favour and do it.
I know I can do whatever I want to, and hope this will prove it for me. This trip, I hope, will cover the distance between knowing I can and really feeling I can.
Everyone else out there - whatever you want to do, just do it. Accept it won't be perfect, accept you'll still be nervous, accept you might say something or do something silly, but at least you're doing what you want. It won't be all positive and it won't be all negative, but somewhere in between, both and neither. And really, I know I wouldn't want it any other way. That's real life, and I reckon basically, that's what we're all striving for.
