Had a Great Day Today

[LittleMissMuffet]

...well, relatively speaking, by which I mean speaking as one whose has fairly strong anxiety in the past, it was a great day.

I still experienced nervous tension and apprehension in people situations, but this was less often and the rest of the time it was less intense.

The stand-out thing that I notice to be different is that even despite such "failures" in interacting with others -I don't seem to be phased anywhere as much. Like I was able to drop the past -what just happened (like: "Ohh, that guy looked at me funny. I must be looking anxious") and I wasn't as worried walking into some situation as I can be.

Somehow, I am able to put such awkward interactions with others into a perspective in which they have less significance to me. I still overeacted (every so often, maybe even a bit by some standards) but it's not a big deal. And this non-judgemental thought is a feeling that I somehow felt today.

So, when people say that it is judgements about reactions (ieur thoughts or our feelings) that is KEY to getting better, I can experience how this is true. And it really does make sense given that my self-conciousness and sensitivity started this whole thing, and I guess it is where this whole thing will end, too.

I've written a list of possible reasons for my great day. Why I can feel this new perception as opposed to simply thinking it and wishing that I could believe it. (I mean, that I've always known what I fear is irrational and yet I've struggled believing that it is irrational)
Here are some possible reasons...

1. i had a self-esteem boost yesterday because my mother discovered that I do have interests -namely some interest in psychology and in meditation

2. I've been practising Meditation for a few months now ...and many people notice that difficulties in their life gradually diminish after regular time spent practising meditation

3. Along with practising meditation, I've been reading about it and the whole frame of mind to take into Meditation is in a sense a meditation it self. By which I mean that the best attitude to take is one in which you can accept who you are just as you are right now. There is no struggle, no striving, no need for results, and no need to get away from your current experience. -And this at once both the best attitude to take into meditation as well as what meditation is designed to help people 'get to'. (notice that I put those last two words in inverted commas!)

One last thing to say, being in this moment NOW is what Mindfulness is all about. Well, 'Mindfulness' is both the aim of meditation as well as a specific meditation technique (just so there is no confusion ...there are so many variations on what meditation is...)

Well, I was thinking that my anxiety is all about my trying to avoid and control my strong sensitivity to what is going on around me. I know this because when I was a small child I was hypersensitive (I'd hate anyone just touching me because it was "too much"). And I also have this compulsion to order and to analyse -just incase you hadn't noticed!
And this is simply how I try to numb my self to the world and it's bombardment of my senses.
And yet, this analysing and need to order/to know, is what I really think has gotten me into an anxiety problem.

Then we have meditation and specifically Mindfulness meditation. And it is as far removed from analysing or controlling or ordering as it gets. In it, a person trains themselves to let sensations, thoughts and feelings come and go and settle -and there is no resistance towards anything.

so you could say that Anxiety is my compulsion to order things which is a reaction to my high sensitivity.
and Mindfulness solves this chaos of fast and overwhelming thoughts and feelings by allowing me to develop a patience and tolerance -an "emotional stamina". Instead of fighting my strong feelings and reactions, I learn how to live with them. and there is no longer a conflict.

I'm really quite happy and relieved.

...am I gonna care what happens tomorrow?! -Hell, no. Not any more!
and I'm so glad to have Mindfulness to help me.

 

[rado31]

Hello muffy,

Glad that you are noticing progress.

I m still a bit confused about how to practice mindfulness and i hope that
it would be the way to again function normally. You gave us to many directions . Which book should i take first . It has to be in plain english as much as possible. I would probably try MCBT , but on my own at the beginning because im SP.

I tend to control things that are over my control. And , also that are
in my control are difficult to control or handle. For example, when i was a young boy i used to forget where i put some thing, so i was being criticized
by parents not to do that. I still forget things , even more + i m god damn worried about that.

Again, good to here that meditation helps you

 

[JamesMorgan]

rado

Muffy is ceasing to follow her habitual thoughts that lead along a painful path to anxiety. Since she has made the determination not to follow such thoughts, her mind has become more relaxed.

Imagine trying to swim against the tide, this takes a lot of energy, then imagine just riding the waves, being taken wherever, this is much easier. Allowing the waves to carry you wherever you need to be with total acceptance. Just realise that it is easier and determine not to follow such thoughts. This happens internally, the destination/state your mind ends up will be more peacfeul instead of swimming against the tide thinking you need to follow your thoughts (ie against the tide).

This process of non-reaction or lessening the over thinking tendency is initially difficult to put into practice. So, one must evaluate the benefits of doing so beforehand as to increase ones determination not to follow thoughts that lead to anxiety. Its usually over thinking that worsens anxiety, so learning to detach/switch off from the mental pollution that we habitually listen to is incredibly powerful.

When you look at the process of thinking, you will notice that the mind generally spins endlessly and out of control. This lack of control leads to our mind habitually taking us internally to a state of anxiety. Constant questioning, distractions, doubts and general unease. When you can learn to become this 'silent watcher' you find within a state of rest. This state of rest is what everyone is looking for actually.

You can call it trust in your real nature, peace, you will become more natural almost impulsive yet flowing through life without resistance because you already know what is there at your core, peace. The noise of your thoughts just cloud you from recognising this peace, your real self. Learning to enjoy a still mind is the greatest enjoyment of all because from that, everything becomes enjoyable.

James

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

That's an excellent understanding, James.

You're right about my needing to understand why thinking less is a good idea. This has been and still is something that I have some struggle accepting.

Even just how they say to drop thoughts in meditation is something that I normally resist. When I say "I am not my mind" something rebels against the idea.

My intuition has come to the rescue, telling me to look at things in the simplest way and to get the basics of what is going on without needing to understand it all throughly -which is a habit of mine: needing to understand (control?) everything before I can trust and let go more.

Anyhow, I just like Buddhist ideas. I'm satisfying that part of me that thrists for understanding by reading what others have to say, especially the Buddhists. Of particular value to me is their emphasis on attaining "no mind" and being present for every single moment of now being the best one can possibly do. -what a strange thought to me, who is busy thinking about what happened yesterday and worried about what will happen tomorrow.
And there are many ideas that are greatly interesting to me and which share others that I've come across and even to a, though much smaller extent, understood on my own.

The philosophical idea that: "All knowing contains a component of not knowing". That 'spirit' is integral to having concious awareness -and "spirit" is said to be th 'in-between', where no separation exists between me and what I am concious of. And Hegel, who invented his theory of the Dialectical nature of Consciousness said that to embrace "spirit" is to embrace uncertainty.
And that this uncertainty is central to us having certainty.
This 'no mind' of no separation.
Then there is Decartes who sought to "bottom out" and get out of thinking something of all beliefs.
....they all appear to be talking of the same thing.
And, although I haven't grasped properly what they all mean but just have a basic feel and understanding, I notice how they all talk about emptying the mind of its thoughts and beliefs. And that in meditation we are seeking the same moment of enlightenment. Where we get 'out of our mind' -out of our God, our sense of what 'is'- to see that still we and our world exist; like facing death to see that life continues and then to no-longer be afraid of death and to see a bigger picture of reality. OR in my case, to nolonger be afraid of the loss of approval and connection with others.

-Well, it's ok to think of course!! But I do believe that I require greater balance and that I would greatly benefit from developing the skill to quiet my mind and still it. As well as the openess and watchful patience that goes with such a state. They describe Mindfulness as Willingness and Openess. And say that in such a state the universe comes to you.
Well I'm quite curious to learn such things but first and foremost is my desire to be able to drop conceptual thinking so that I can take more in of what is around me.

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

HI Rado,

I think that if you borrow a few books on meditation from the library that these will surely serve as a basic introduction. I think that starting with a basic book is best because it seems to me that there are many kinds of meditation and variations that it is best to get a general overview first before getting into specifics.

Really, mindfulness is what a person gets from meditating. Most kinds of meditation involve Mindfulness. Yet, Mindfulness is not merely the 'aim' of meditation, it is also a term describing a particular meditation technique as well (it is a little confusing!). Zen Buddhism is keen on Mindfulness. namely- the skill to selectively concentrate on one thing and through this single-pointed concentration, be able to still and settle the mind whilst letting go of (excess) unwanted thoughts and distractions.

If you want very specific information for dealing with distractions, that is Mindfulness explained for when distracting thoughts are strong, you can search for "Mindfulness in Plain English" by Ven. Henepola Gunaratana on google (you'll find it at www.budsas.org). AND then specifically look under the Chapters called "Dealing with Distractions" -otherwise you can search for the "Mindfulness" threads I started at this "social anxiety forum" as I know I put this same Chapter from Gunaratana's book here. I found what it said helpful when I started to meditate and was finding it difficult to slow down the onslaught of thoughts coming up. It is also something that I have applied to my anxious thoughts and feelings when I have them in specific everyday situations. ...so this is one good explanation of Mindfulness that I know of.

So, looking at your local library and bookstore for books on Meditation that are general, is definetly a good idea.
Googling words like "mindfulness", "MCBT" and "MBSR" are also good. "MBSR" is something i just found out about, it is some new way of dealing with stresses (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction) and there are 'courses' offered.
Zen Buddhism seems to be a branch of Buddhism that concentrates on Mindfulness.

And one excellent introductory book on meditation is: "Peace of Mind" by Dr Ian Gawler and other books by the same author.

Generally, if you can get a basic and simple introduction on what meditation is (its sort of complicated, as there are different types and definitions for what it is) then this is the best idea. Ian Gawler's book is a good introduction. In it, he suggests the best form of meditation to start with (he believes the simplest is always the best), and then describes different kinds of meditation and what they do for a person.