Greetings...

[hero13]

Hello all, I found a lot of peace reading through the posts here. Not because any of you are suffering but because I can relate to so much of it.

I control the easy ones that plagued my youth. Counting, light switches, inability to deal with shadows -v- light (heaven forbid I step on a shadow).

So, as I type with the dry hands that most of you are probably used to...
Lately I feel a fury under the surface. Like my head is on fire, most times I have better control trying to deal with a dozen things than to focus on one.

I have to find patterns in about everything. Numbers, behaviors, colors etc...
I've gotten my window / door / lock checking down to a few times per cycle just facing the anxiety that nothing is going to happen if I don't go downstairs for the 5th time to verify that nothing in fact has changed in the past two minutes.
The one that is wearing on me right now is the irrational thoughts of violents, death & harm. Hours per day with the most horrible images in my head.
It's tiring.

I thought I was in control until tonight when I was writing a list. (I also disassemble anything in my hands & reassemble) As I was putting the pen back together to write the next item I dropped a part. I worked into a panic because I could not complete the pen again. Bless my wife for finding my missing piece.

I'm tired.

Goodnight.

And reaffirmations? does anybody else need compulse over things you know the answer to?

 

[hero13]

Well, can't say that I didn't try to reach out to people with a similar path in life as my own. goodbye.

 

[meme]

yeah, ocd really sucks. ive had it my whole life, but i wasnt diagnosed till this year. its been a blessing and a total nightmare. great because im not hiding, but hard because now i think about it even more. i dont want to take the zoloft sitting on my counter, but who knows. im not sure i get your last question, all i can say is keep busy, dont be hard on yourself and try to relax.