SamTheSammich
Active member
So this last year of high school has been full of ups and downs , mostly this past couple of months has been really depressing for me. I have had severe depression and anxiety for years ,so its nothing new to me, especially when I've had a father that recently passed away 2 years ago, but its skyrocketed worrying so much about my future.
I go to a school where work is pretty slack ,all of it is mostly on computer , and all you really have to do is look up the answers (I try my best to refrain from doing so , thats why I dont really like the system because its not exactly a forced learning environment)
Sometimes the teachers do physical lessons ,but its only for certain courses. We also get fridays off ,and theres only around 100 people so its a very laid back environment. I don't really hang out with friends much at all, infact most of my friends I really only know through my older brothers who are over a decade older than me. I don't have many friends at all in my age group that I actually hang out with ,so chilling with someone is like a life event for me.
I do smoke marijuana as well , I try my best not to be dependant on it but sometimes I have to admit I have let it consumed me. Letting it get in the way of more important goals.
I did have a job around last christmas , it was my first ever, at Dollar general being a sales associate , I ended up getting off it after about a month . Not because the job itself was hard,it was just hard dealing with the social anxiety (combined with the fact that I have a VERY weak stomach when it comes to nervousness) and the thing is , my managers only gave me hard time maybe 2 or 4 times but thats it , they even said themselves I did a better job than the other people they hired and said they would hire me back anytime.
I also have the pressure of my girlfriends parents , they want me to get my license (I only have my permit now) as soon as I can (which yes I do , and thats what I intend to do ), and they also want me to get a job.
Not to mention college , even though right now in my life I dont HAVE to go to college , its something I've wanted to do.
Anyways, I just view myself as so weak and small that I can't ever get on the level of everyone else. I let this fear of what people think about me consume me and it gets to the point where I don't even want to exit my room. And the fear of looking like someone who is weak in eyes of others makes the depression even worse. I don't want to let it consume me ,all these fears.
I want to be able to go out and "get out there" like other people, I just wish I didn't procrastinate on the opinions of others. A lot of time I even feel like I don't deserve my girlfriend because of how I am now, I mean yes I am getting through school ,only because its really easy. Because theres that question that always comes up: how am I going to be prepared for reality ? And the thing is I always feel like I'm not and won't be for a long time.
I guess the question I am trying to ask is , how can I or what can I do to cope with all this and not be so scared of whats to come , and be able to not worry so much?
I go to a school where work is pretty slack ,all of it is mostly on computer , and all you really have to do is look up the answers (I try my best to refrain from doing so , thats why I dont really like the system because its not exactly a forced learning environment)
Sometimes the teachers do physical lessons ,but its only for certain courses. We also get fridays off ,and theres only around 100 people so its a very laid back environment. I don't really hang out with friends much at all, infact most of my friends I really only know through my older brothers who are over a decade older than me. I don't have many friends at all in my age group that I actually hang out with ,so chilling with someone is like a life event for me.
I do smoke marijuana as well , I try my best not to be dependant on it but sometimes I have to admit I have let it consumed me. Letting it get in the way of more important goals.
I did have a job around last christmas , it was my first ever, at Dollar general being a sales associate , I ended up getting off it after about a month . Not because the job itself was hard,it was just hard dealing with the social anxiety (combined with the fact that I have a VERY weak stomach when it comes to nervousness) and the thing is , my managers only gave me hard time maybe 2 or 4 times but thats it , they even said themselves I did a better job than the other people they hired and said they would hire me back anytime.
I also have the pressure of my girlfriends parents , they want me to get my license (I only have my permit now) as soon as I can (which yes I do , and thats what I intend to do ), and they also want me to get a job.
Not to mention college , even though right now in my life I dont HAVE to go to college , its something I've wanted to do.
Anyways, I just view myself as so weak and small that I can't ever get on the level of everyone else. I let this fear of what people think about me consume me and it gets to the point where I don't even want to exit my room. And the fear of looking like someone who is weak in eyes of others makes the depression even worse. I don't want to let it consume me ,all these fears.
I want to be able to go out and "get out there" like other people, I just wish I didn't procrastinate on the opinions of others. A lot of time I even feel like I don't deserve my girlfriend because of how I am now, I mean yes I am getting through school ,only because its really easy. Because theres that question that always comes up: how am I going to be prepared for reality ? And the thing is I always feel like I'm not and won't be for a long time.
I guess the question I am trying to ask is , how can I or what can I do to cope with all this and not be so scared of whats to come , and be able to not worry so much?