Got someone coming up which is terrifying for me

[rocky_oreo]

The title should read something not someone lol

My parents have booked a table at a popular restaurant for my birthday shortly. It is one of those very lively restaurants which is open-plan with all the tables and chairs close together (so basically everyone can see everyone). As if that wasn't bad enough, the owners of the restaurant decorate the table with birthday stuff and when you are half way through your meal, they bring a cake to your table and sing happy birthday and play music for you. My parents know I can't handle this situation yet they are putting me in it AGAIN (they did this before when I turned 18 and I felt so embarrassed). I hate being centre of attention (which I'm sure everyone with SA hates) and I hate eating in public although eating in public is not as bad for me now as it used to be as I usually choose the table in the corner out the way, but it's going to be impossible this time and whilst the whole party is all looking forward to it (there is going to be a massive group which is again scary for me), it is MY birthday yet I'm dreading it.

In the past at such events, I could drink a glass of some alcohol and it would help take the edge off it. But now I'm on this medication where I can't drink any alcohol so have no idea how on earth I am going to get through this.

Anyone got any ideas? Or been in a similar situation yourself?

 

[truffleshuffle]

My parents have booked a table at a popular restaurant for my birthday shortly. It is one of those very lively restaurants which is open-plan with all the tables and chairs close together (so basically everyone can see everyone). As if that wasn't bad enough, the owners of the restaurant decorate the table with birthday stuff and when you are half way through your meal, they bring a cake to your table and sing happy birthday and play music for you. My parents know I can't handle this situation yet they are putting me in it AGAIN (they did this before when I turned 18 and I felt so embarrassed). I hate being centre of attention (which I'm sure everyone with SA hates) and I hate eating in public although eating in public is not as bad for me now as it used to be as I usually choose the table in the corner out the way, but it's going to be impossible this time and whilst the whole party is all looking forward to it (there is going to be a massive group which is again scary for me), it is MY birthday yet I'm dreading it.

In the past at such events, I could drink a glass of some alcohol and it would help take the edge off it. But now I'm on this medication where I can't drink any alcohol so have no idea how on earth I am going to get through this.

Anyone got any ideas? Or been in a similar situation yourself?

I have been in a simular situation I too hate the dreaded birthday dinner out at a place that dose that singing crap. I don;t mind eating in public as much as I did when I was younger but I dread the thought of the staff singing happy birthday and making a scene. I had that a time or two when I was a kid and I can;t stand it I would also be dreading this meal even though it was a celibration for me. Although I would probably grin and bear it for the people around me I defently would be uncomfortable for the whole night.

 

[rocky_oreo]

Yes that's exactly how I will be feeling the whole night, uncomfortable. I wish I could grin and bear it but I'm not sure how to as my eyes will be keeping a watch on the exit all night and my heart will be wishing I could run towards it. What's worse is that my parents know how bad my SA is, but they think I secretly enjoy meals like this, but I don't.

 

[truffleshuffle]

Yes that's exactly how I will be feeling the whole night, uncomfortable. I wish I could grin and bear it but I'm not sure how to as my eyes will be keeping a watch on the exit all night and my heart will be wishing I could run towards it. What's worse is that my parents know how bad my SA is, but they think I secretly enjoy meals like this, but I don't.

I think my dad did this crap to me just for the free desert lol. I know what you mean about watching the exit the whole time. Even if its just an hour It feels like five. I hate that feeling its like every eye in the place is glued to me.

 

[laure15]

Yeah, I don't like being the center of attention. When I go to restaurants, I like to sit at the corner, even if it's near the bathroom. You should tell your parents about your anxiety, maybe they can cancel the whole singing thing and just have the cake. Also, never mix medication with alcohol; it can be lethal.

 

[surewhynot]

I don't get it, why don't you just tell them what you want? Afterall, it is your birthday.. the least they could do is respect your decision.

I mean, I would personally never show up to a restaurant if I knew that they were about to throw me a public birthday event. You have free will, use it.

 

[truffleshuffle]

I don't get it, why don't you just tell them what you want? Afterall, it is your birthday.. the least they could do is respect your decision.

I mean, I would personally never show up to a restaurant if I knew that they were about to throw me a public birthday event. You have free will, use it.

Some parents just don;t take the hint or even if your blunt about it. If my father was still alive he would do something like this even if he knew the person could not stand it just for the fact he knew the person didn;t like it. I do have more of a choice now that I am older but when I was a kid I would be stuck no matter what. Its good the op already knows what they are in for and may be able to talk to them out of the singing at least but sometimes its hard to say no to your parents. Yes you could not go if you knew about the situation but also there are the times you don;t know and its sprung on you.

 

[surewhynot]

Some parents just don;t take the hint or even if your blunt about it. If my father was still alive he would do something like this even if he knew the person could not stand it just for the fact he knew the person didn;t like it. I do have more of a choice now that I am older but when I was a kid I would be stuck no matter what. Its good the op already knows what they are in for and may be able to talk to them out of the singing at least but sometimes its hard to say no to your parents. Yes you could not go if you knew about the situation but also there are the times you don;t know and its sprung on you.

He's 29 years old.. I would totally understand if he was 10, but come on now.

 

[truffleshuffle]

He's 29 years old.. I would totally understand if he was 10, but come on now.

I guess you never had to deal with people who never took in consideration for how you felt about something. I am 33 and still have to deal with people like that. Sometimes you just don;t have a choice but to sit through the situation even if you didn;t want to.

 

[surewhynot]

I guess you never had to deal with people who never took in consideration for how you felt about something. I am 33 and still have to deal with people like that. Sometimes you just don;t have a choice but to sit through the situation even if you didn;t want to.

And who's fault is that? When you are a child you don't have a choice, you're supposed to do what your parents tell you to do, but when you're an adult you're supposed to make decisions for yourself, even if that means fighting for your right.

I ain't saying it's easy, but you can't let your parents choose everything for you your whole life, you gotta put your foot down one day.

 

[spider04]

Why can't you tell them you do not wish such thing? If it was my parents I would immediately tell them NO I don't want that on my birthday, no way I'll go. They'll surely understand.

 

[rocky_oreo]

I am female, not male lol. I also don't see my parents very often as I live about a 3 hour drive from them. They wanted to do something special for my birthday and at first they just said it was a restaurant meal and it seemed ok. It is only recently I found out what happens when there is a birthday meal in there. They know all about my SA and have done for years but I suppose they feel doing things like this might help me to get over it even though it aint that easy. They have gone to so much effort and trouble of booking that night that there is no way I can not turn up

 

[truffleshuffle]

And who's fault is that? When you are a child you don't have a choice, you're supposed to do what your parents tell you to do, but when you're an adult you're supposed to make decisions for yourself, even if that means fighting for your right.

I ain't saying it's easy, but you can't let your parents choose everything for you your whole life, you gotta put your foot down one day.

There are just some situations that you don;t have a choice even if you are a adult or not. It dosen;t have to be about your parents just situations in general.

 

[truffleshuffle]

I am female, not male lol. I also don't see my parents very often as I live about a 3 hour drive from them. They wanted to do something special for my birthday and at first they just said it was a restaurant meal and it seemed ok. It is only recently I found out what happens when there is a birthday meal in there. They know all about my SA and have done for years but I suppose they feel doing things like this might help me to get over it even though it aint that easy. They have gone to so much effort and trouble of booking that night that there is no way I can not turn up

Its the age old dammed if you do dammed if you don;t and it would probably be worse if you didn't show up. I mean if you showed up you would have to sit throuh maybe at the most what and hour and a half but it would be safe to say you would suffer a lifetime if you just didn;t show up.

 

[rocky_oreo]

I wouldn't even consider not showing up as my parents have gone to all this effort. It's not about not standing up to them and telling them what I want as I am a very stubborn person and when they have tried to get me to do stuff in the past, I have not done it. But it's different this time as it's a special occasion and as I don't see them very often, I need to make this effort. I think this whole situation would be easier if I wore a mask so no one recognised me lol

 

[truffleshuffle]

raying:

I wouldn't even consider not showing up as my parents have gone to all this effort. It's not about not standing up to them and telling them what I want as I am a very stubborn person and when they have tried to get me to do stuff in the past, I have not done it. But it's different this time as it's a special occasion and as I don't see them very often, I need to make this effort. I think this whole situation would be easier if I wore a mask so no one recognised me lol

Ya just go as miss incogneto and pray no one notices you raying: