Good looks equals confidence?

[Vero20]

Hey there, I don't post that much so mayb u don't know how I am. I'm Vero20, used to b Valexa, but that account is dead I think. Anyway have u people seen those reality shows when people get extreme make overs and then they say they feel very confident with their new looks? Well the thing is I got a make over, I got a nose job and got rid of my glasses. I used to feel really ugly before this, but after it people started giving me compliments and well I now feel pretty. But in the inside I'm still the same insecure and shy girl. So make over for me, it helped but not that much.

 

[sugaryberries]

For those people on the reality shows, they had a someone to talk to to help them out with their other issues. It wasn't just a physical makeover even though that's what it seems like.

Some of those people felt insecure because they thought they were ugly. So by changing their appearance it gave them confidence.

But then again it is TV, so just because the people claim to be more confident, doesn't mean they really are.

There are people who are born "beautiful" but are still shy or insecure for whatever reason.

 

[jauggy]

Yeah it's TV. They don't show everything.

 

[Chilling__Echo]

yeah, idealy, good looks don't equal confidence but i think the opposite everyday :x i always tell myself that if i looked better i'd be more confident.

but i guess everyone has those days 8)

 

[crescent]

It depends, if you were only strongly insecure about your looks then by changing that, your problem will be solved, but if you were also very insecure about your personality, then by only changing your looks, you only partially solved your issues.

Yeah, exactly what you said, I'm more insecure about my personality so I never really grooming myself too much and never want to.

 

[Si_mon]

nah ( to the good looks = confidence question) .... i have met plenty of ppl esp. girls that are stunning and have limited confidence.

personally i feel a lot of it ( confidence and putting a confident stance across) is psychological and is only partially affected by looks...

 

[Meow]

Well i'm not saying i'm good looking because I don't think so... but people tell me i'm pretty and guys have always been interested in me (not that i've persued that) and I still have low low self confidence and low self esteem. I still feel really bad about myself inside and out, I think I would feel just the same if I was a model and the same if I had been deformed in a car accident

 

[Si_mon]

I feel that ur confidence ( or lack of) tends to stem from a combination what the events that r goin on in ur life and the results or psychological issues that u may have from previous experiences. Of course having good looks can have an effect on the events that are taking place now but if ur lack of confidence comes from deep psychological issues then of course it's not gunna make much difference what u look like. Current events may not even have much of an impact on ur confidence!

I'm kinda speaking from experience with this as I believe that a couple of events in my life, especially sumthin that happened to me when i was ten ( i'm 21 now and have dealt with most of the emotional fallout from the incident, but it still has a slightly negative effect on me) have affected my confidence negatively. Although since I have made massive steps to deal with these incidents, my confidence have increased gradually.

Judging by sum of the posts I have read, I bet that it is the same for a lot of the ppl of SPW.

 

[Reholla]

I'm happy with the way I look, at least in the since that that's not why I'm unhappy. I don't think being a knock out necessarily equals instant confidence. Do you have an anxiety disorder? Cause if you dont, maybe I could see the outside affecting how you feel. But for me, the fact that i have good self esteem (at least for looks) doesnt minimize my anxiety problem. Maybe that couldnt make sense to some people. And it's like a "oh shes unhappy but shes attractive so shes only like half way unhappy type thing." I have known really pretty people to be completely depressed. So I think its really either way

 

[LeapFrog]

There are a lot of ugly people who are confident, too. You have to believe that you are pretty in order to be confident, it doesn't just happen as soon as you get a makeover.

 

[longlivesolitude]

Hm.. It's not really healthy watching all these makeover programs I think. As some of you mention the looks and your personality are to different things and in programs like extreme makeovers it's just all about the looks. Horrible show. I remember that I saw one program where a girl were having all kinds of plastic surgery even changing something that the girl didn't see as problem. Arh.. just get pissed of how everything is about glamour and good looks. It's too fake 8O

 

[black_mamba]

I think that if your anxieties centre around people's immeadiate perceptions of you (and to some extent this is the crux of all our problems) then perhaps improving your appearance would help, but I don't think that if you suddenly became a supermodel your worries would dissapear, its more complex than that.

PLUS supermodels (male or female) are not everyone's idea of good looking. What may be good looking in my eyes is ugly in yours...

In my case yes some small worries were about my looks, people always said I looked miserable and tired/ill because I have dark circles under my eyes and never smile. Generally improving my confidence has helped me smile more - and everyone knows that a smile is friendlier than a frown. So improving things from the inside-out has helped two fold: get confident with what you have, then you emit this confidence naturally through your general posture and facial expressions, then you may even gain more confidence when people assume you're already happy and confident when you're only halfway there. Does that make sense?

My sister recently had a nose operation because hers was slightly bent. When I met up with her I have to admit I didn't notice her nose was different at all, but I told her she looked happier and healthier because she was smiling SO much more, she refused to believe me of course. So yes, for some it works that way. Personally I'm happy with myself, even thought my nose sucks and is much worse than hundreds of people who 'fix' theirs. :roll:

If you've become unhealthily obsessed with certain aspects then changing those offer some relief sure, but its worth recommending less drastic options first.

So we all know that initial impressions do count, but only for 0.0000001% of your overall personality. Its the rest that matters more, IMO.

 

[shipost]

Looks arn't my problem, I'm just never interested in stuff so find it hard to fit in conversations. So personality for me I need a geek friend lol, I like geeky stuff 8O

 

[Quixote]

Being good looking doesn't have a direct effect on your personality of course. But it can't be denied that your physical appearence does affect the development of your character over the years, starting from your childhood. So I suppose a tall, strongly built, handsome guy, or a tall beautiful girl would be less likely (far from impossible of course) to develop SP.

Napoleon Bonaparte was a notable exception I suppose

 

[shipost]

Being good looking doesn't have a direct effect on your personality of course. But it can't be denied that your physical appearence does affect the development of your character over the years, starting from your childhood. So I suppose a tall, strongly built, handsome guy, or a tall beautiful girl would be less likely (far from impossible of course) to develop SP.

Napoleon Bonaparte was a notable exception I suppose

Yeah your right, girls that look nice normally models, guys that a muscley and big end up doing somthing like doormen or somthing lol

 

[LittleMissScareAll]

I'd love to have more work done to myself...I think it'd make me feel better about myself. I don't think I'll ever be completely happy with the way I look though since I'm not a rich person. I'd love to have liposuction/body lift, nose job, lip injections... I can't afford it though. Some people tell me I don't need to do that stuff, but I feel like I would look & feel alot better if I could have all that stuff done to myself. I think one reason I've always had/still have such low self esteem is because when I was a kid people always told me how ugly & how fat I was. So I'll always see myself as fat and ugly, no matter what anybody tells me now.

 

[ImMissy]

I think I'm a pretty girl, but, I don't think self confidence is just about how you think you look. It's also simply, just how confident you are about yourself. i.e. can you do things? can you succeed at something you want to do? I guess I am pretty self confident, but I have lots of days where I feel ugly, or like I just can't do stuff I want to do. Which, I guess is probably related moreso to depression....but....either way, I've got low self esteem/confidence days, and then good days where I feel good about myself and the things I'm doing.

 

[Meow]

Hey missy,

Just curious if you've been to see a Doctor and been diagnosed? what were you diagnosed with if you have been? depression, etc

 

[boodizm]

Getting to the core of the question, I think any confidence gained from improving your image in your own eyes is short-term gain and I believe will not make you feel better about yourself down the track. Regarding sa, I don't see looks coming into the equation much at all.
When people comment on my appearance I get quite embarrased and just don't want to hear it. I think, why am I getting compliments? when there are other people around that might get the feeling that the person does not think they are good looking.
True, it's a small piece of the puzzle but a piece nontheless, but it's a peice that just blown way out of proportion mostly because its the first thing people see when they look at you, but it's the character and distinct personality traits that will stay in other people's minds long after they meet you.

 

[Indecisive]

I'm very impressed with how well you all can express how you feel. A lot of the time I feel trapped in my own head having feelings that I can't quite vocalize or put into writing. I just tend to shut down if something is bothering me and just stay in my room.

I feel my lack of confidence is pretty clear to others. When talking face to face I second guess each word I speak and even later think back to what I said and second guess that also. It gets to bad that I just try to avoid talking to anyone unless I have to, which is what prompted me to look up information on SA.

I'm just afraid of saying the wrong thing, afraid I won't know what to say just really doubting in myself and my ablities as a person. I don't feel intelligent (sp? how ironic if I spelled it wrong huh) I don't feel "normal". I think the more someone gets to know me the more they will realize how boring I am, how unintelligent I am and just see there is not much to me. I feel very breakable and that things people do will shatter me into pieces, then I'll be left trying to glue all the pieces back together.