given up, i see why this forum is so popular now.

[this-is-why-im-hot]

Just an observation, but u lot actualy read the bullitens that r negative rather than positive lol and u wounder why ur not gettin any where? Moan...Moan. im to shy to go to the shop. im to shy to speak to my mum. im to shy to take a dump in public toilets. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!!!!
learn how to communicate effectivly, get out more, make more effort! i mean if the reason why u find it hard talkin to people is coz u talk about negative things...that the reason why u ent gettin no where. make a conscience effort!

this is not a attack, i just think u lot thrive on reading bullitens that tell u 'were not alone!' rather than 'right...sort it out!'

 

[Dreamer_15]

lol you hypocrit. your saying we read too much negative shit and look what your posting. i think you need to get a life yourself man..this is who we are its what we do..this site has helped loads of people, if it doesnt help you for whatever reason, then piss off

 

[Tell-me-about-it]

ERMMM.......... LMAO. CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH NO? DONT STATE THE OBVIOUS PLEASE!!! WE BEG YOU!

LOOK...... I WAS SAYING THAT MAYBE PEOPLE SHOULD TRY INVESTING THERE TYPING TIME INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE, RATHER THAN DOOM OR GLOOM. I WERNT BEING OFFENSIVE, I WAS TRYING TO HELP!

TO BE HONEST, COZ READING THAT PEOPLE HAVE SAME PROBELEMS IS GREAT TO NO UR NOT ALONE, BUT DOES IT HELP YOU SORT OUT YOUR INDIVIDUAL PROBLEMS? THAT IS WHAT I WAS SAYING.........

JESUS NO WOUNDER YOUR LONELY IF U CANT TAKE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISM......

 

[Dreamer_15]

scuse me..i can take constructive critism, but this site has helped so many people, but why the fuck are people like you even here? :roll: and why dont you take your own precious typing time doing something more positive, or better yet GO OUT AND SOCIALISE YOURSELF IF WE'RE SO NEGATIVE!! :lol: :lol: :roll:

 

[Tell-me-about-it]

coz im chilling at home! lol god. i came on here, coz unlike some...cough.... i sorted myself out, i didnt moan and feel sorry for myself, i just went out there and got on with it!!!! if u look at most bulliten titled 'some good advice' thats why i came on here! and sometimes...u may not like this, like the shorts incident, i did think she was older, and sometimes...people need that sorta critism to realise wait...im bein abit silly..now does that make sense luv?

 

[Dreamer_15]

good for you..its great you've got over it. but you gotta accept some people arent ready for your kinda advice. thats all im saying :roll:

 

[Tryin]

coz im chilling at home! lol god. i came on here, coz unlike some...cough.... i sorted myself out, i didnt moan and feel sorry for myself, i just went out there and got on with it!!!! if u look at most bulliten titled 'some good advice' thats why i came on here! and sometimes...u may not like this, like the shorts incident, i did think she was older, and sometimes...people need that sorta critism to realise wait...im bein abit silly..now does that make sense luv?

You know... you are right, basically. Reveling in your problems gets you nowhere and yes, there's quite a lot of bulletins describing problems and deformations rather than advising in here (some of them, yes, written by me). I salute you for realizing how non-constructive it is. (I think sometimes it can get even DEstructive, people comforting each other by comparing their problems, trying to top each other, getting only more and more stuck.) But while I am sure you meant to help (yes, a decent kick in the ass IS a help sometimes), what emerged out of it seems to be only a lot of anger and hurting.

So what could be done to make this forum healthier? Try to put is this way, would you, and you might find a way how to help somebody. I feel I can't speak in plural here but yes, yes, sometimes I am a whiner. because sometimes I feel stuck. i'm sure you could plead me guilty if you wanted. but that's not what this forum is for. Go ahead and write some positive bulletins. (I think it would be great to hear your story. Tell us how did you cope with your problems instead of blaming us for not being able to deal with our ones.)

 

[this-is-y-im-hot]

thank you for not having a go at me coz i have my own techniques on this one. and yes i will post a topic of why im sayin all this, and how it worked for me. so stay in tuned x

 

[Emma]

*sigh* I'm going to say something that makes me sound like worlds biggest cow...but here goes...(and no-body shoot me)

BUT......Excuse me, who the hell are you to tell us we moan and complain too much!!!!!!!!

Do you think if it was that easy to change it we would have done so already? People come here to share their problems and get advice, not to have someone say stupid crap about it!!!!!!!!!!!

DON'T MAKE FUN OF US, DON'T SAY STUFF ABOUT PEOPLE COMPLAINING ABOUT BEING TO SHY TO TAKE A DUMP IN A PUBLIC TOILET OR GO TO A SHOP........AND BY THE WAY, WHO SAYS PEOPLE HERE DON'T MAKE AN EFFORT, EVERYDAY IS A FREAKING EFFORT!!!!!!!!

THAT IS SO NOT CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM EITHER, THAT JUST MADE ME FEEL LIKE A BIGGER IDIOT, THANKS ALOT...NOW I'M TYPING IN CAPITAL LETTERS BECAUSE I'M CRANKY :evil:

 

[jamez]

I agree somewhat. It's easy to mope around, it's a lot harder to do something about it. I think it's more of a support network here though which can be a good thing and I don't think many of us are qualified to give good advice.

 

[COALPORTER]

Yea, it's not so easy to try and change.
I feel like my social skills are so far behind
and people can tell just by looking at me.
Most people don't really want me to go up
and try to talk to them anyway. They just
freek out and look at me like i'm Frankinstein
or something.
Most people just go away when they see me coming.
The only people that ever talk to me in public
are the super weirdo's
I general, when I try to come out of my shell
and not be shy and try to do something then
I'm closer to getting beet up than making friends.
I've even had people tell me that Im lost and don't
what Im doing and your just going to get beet up.

 

[nesh]

I think it is good to have a balance of negative and positive experiences to read. I think it is good to read about other ppls struggles and have a moan yourself. It can sometimes make you realize how insignificant some of your problems actually are or it can make you feel less alienated and isolated. You need to accept that a lot of ppl are here because of their problems not because they have solved them. There don't seem to be very many ppl here that have overcome their problems and offering their advice. Share your experiences, be them good ones or bad ones, that's what I say.

 

[rado31]

Reading about terrible problems others have doesnt help me , neither should help anyone....But at least you were sincere and by reading this post you are able to gain one more social skill...

There don't seem to be very many ppl here that have overcome their problems and offering their advice. Share your experiences, be them good ones or bad ones, that's what I say.

It is not true. Sometimes someone found a solution , which is not universal of course and share it with us. I guess that there are much more people but my basic scream in this state is "I want to live" , so i wouldnt blame maself if i one day i dont come here to share my positive solution. I would simply try to forget about these awful times. Although i love you all in here.

 

[Tryin]

The only people that ever talk to me in public
are the super weirdo's

Hey, just a thought passing by... maybe the "super weirdos" you mention are just having problems, which may not be so unlike your own. (Not trying to mentor you, just a thought.)

 

[YankeeBob]

Conflict apparent on this post

Shy people .....it has been my experience.....are very sensitive.

Anything that smacks of "being judged" triggers anger and anger if left unresolved becomes resentment.

Healthy people I am told deal with their anger by talking about with the person concerned. Eg : "the comment you made this morning about shyness, were you suggesting that I was weak because I still suffer from this condition?"

That is they ask questions, seek clarification, gather more information...before they decide if it warrants anger.

Then they decide whether to LASH OUT with anger, or deal with it some other way.

Shy people, who have no ability in this area don't have the emotional and psychological skills developed YET to deal with conflict in his way. The habits of tackling this way are something that take time.

Let me give you an example.

I called a man who was briefly a friend of mine yesterday morning to ask for some advice. A chap who I am counselling part time brought up the issue of shame/. So when I spoke to this shy man yesterday morning he was able to give me some useful information.

At the end of the conversation I mentioned this site and told him I had found it helpful. Mentioning it dealt with shyness and social phobia, and medical issues. He replied that "he didn't think shyness needed to be changed".

I reflected on that all day. I had a sense he thought I was criticising him so I rang him back last night before going to bed. And asked him about our conversation earlier that day.

He and I both a recall another conversation from several years ago on the same subject. And he recalls me suggesting that "shyness" is a character weakness.

I apologised and said, "Its not my place to decide what is a character weakness for others. I only have the right to say what is mine. And then added that at present PROCRASTINATION is my major issue. And others might see shyness as a glove they prefer to wear, or a glove they might want to learn to take off. Its not my decision."

Does this make sense in any way?

 

[Joey86]

It's not very helpful to say "do this" and "do that".... everyone is good at something. The opposite is true as well: everyone is bad at some things too.

For us, especially when it comes to things that require us to be social, it is very demanding for us, whereas it might come very naturally to others *cringe*. We might be more in-tune with skills such as empathy because we are so sensitve, whereas others are just crap at this *cringes again*.

No it is not easy for us to just "get out more" and to "communicate effectively"...

 

[coriander1992]

easier said than done :roll:

 

[this-is-y-im-hot]

wow i ent been here for ages...didint realise that caused so much uproar lol please excuse me, i am a very blunt person. i didnt mean anyone was a idiot blah blah. if u read my latest topic ull see how i ment it.

but to be fair....handling criticsm...even nasty uneeded critisism is a very usefull skill to have.

man i was fat ugly kid lol i had an overbite..the lot haha. but u know why people couldnt bully me? (because like kids they try) is coz rather than let them say shit about me, if someone called me fat..i would say 'yep weighed myself the other day...im now a ton!' n tbh if u make a joke out of stuff, people can laugh with you, rather than at u. then if i turned around to them and said 'my my...have u gained weight?' they would take it as a joke!
its that thing init. if uve got a hairy bum...and try and cover it up with the towl when u get changed...if the towl drops..everyones gonna look at it to see what u were hiding! if u just strip..most people wouldnt bother to look coz u ent drawin attention to it.

so yeh. if people r bein w@nkers to ya, if u get defensive, they will persist. if u just laugh and r like woteva. they will move on.

people arent demons!

 

[maggie]

Just an observation, but u lot actualy read the bullitens that r negative rather than positive lol and u wounder why ur not gettin any where? Moan...Moan. im to shy to go to the shop. im to shy to speak to my mum. im to shy to take a dump in public toilets. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!!!!
learn how to communicate effectivly, get out more, make more effort! i mean if the reason why u find it hard talkin to people is coz u talk about negative things...that the reason why u ent gettin no where. make a conscience effort!

this is not a attack, i just think u lot thrive on reading bullitens that tell u 'were not alone!' rather than 'right...sort it out!'

although i may agree with the point that..it is up to each of us individually to attempt to make changes to our situations, what i think is really really cool about this site, is we can come on here and exchange our daily frustrations with eachother, and not be judged (well, shouldn't be) cause we all just get it..and just because we come on and tell of a shit day or a shitty situation we've been through, doesn't mean we haven't posted something positive or that we're not doing anything to change our situation. And don't come on and presume these people don't make 'conscience effort'..most of us do..and still come on to share in our disappointments..and our victories..that's what friends do!

 

[AngelsTears85]

Just an observation, but u lot actualy read the bullitens that r negative rather than positive lol and u wounder why ur not gettin any where? Moan...Moan. im to shy to go to the shop. im to shy to speak to my mum. im to shy to take a dump in public toilets. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!!!!
learn how to communicate effectivly, get out more, make more effort! i mean if the reason why u find it hard talkin to people is coz u talk about negative things...that the reason why u ent gettin no where. make a conscience effort!

this is not a attack, i just think u lot thrive on reading bullitens that tell u 'were not alone!' rather than 'right...sort it out!'

I was offended when I read this. I think that you had a good point but the way in which you presented it wasn’t so great…I have been going to counselling for 3 years now and am only just starting to see the light at the other end of the tunnel. It has taken years to learn to be this way and is going to take awhile to unlearn it then relearn a better way…I know for me if I was pushed or rushed into doing the things that make me anxious it would have made things worse …Yes a wake up call is good and yes we need to take action but where is the compassion and the encouragement that should be offered to inspire people to get better?


I know for me reading the “negative posts” when I first found this site was a relief to me. To finally find some other people that are going through the same things as me and I didn’t have to explain or justify myself to them…I do have to admit that reading them constantly did make me a little depressed, but in the same breathe don’t think that they should be banned or looked down upon…People need to express themselves and it’s not going to be uplifting and positive all the time. We just have to accept that. If you don’t have somewhere you can feel safe to do that then I believe that it will just build up and fester inside you…And without the bad times how are you going to fully appreciate the good times?