Girl problem....

[Dan10]

Evening guys

I came across this forum on google, just been reading through some of posts and peoples comments, you guys seem to offer some great advice i was wondering if i could trouble you guys for some on a problem i've been having for a while, i'm at my wits end and getting so depressed about it.

BASICALLY theres this girl i'm absolutely crazy about, i met her through a mutual friend over a year ago, we instantly clicked and started texting each other, the texts were initially great and v flirty....i loved it. But without a doubt i was put in the "friends zone".

While all of this was happening she was with her boyfriend and at the end of last year fell pregnant, she was in such a state and turned to me. She eventually decided that an abortion is what she wanted to have, even though i didnt particularly agree with it i supported her, went to the clinic with her and she stayed at mine for the week after the proceedure to stop her parents getting suspicious, we got so close, i would say like best friends during this time. She finished with her boyfriend and i thought this would be my chance.

Everything was fine for the next couple of months we were still really close. Then one day everything turned crap, she wouldnt text me back and it was pretty much like we weren't friends. it was like someone going from being such a good friend to someone who doesnt give a stuff. I'm not basing this on only the text thing, she always use to ask me to meet up and now she wouldnt and whenever i asked her she would make up stupid excuses.

Its been about five/six months now and nothings changed. I thought that this was just a phase and everything would work out but its still the same. I would talk to her about this but she hates confrontation and flat out refuses to talk to me. Whenever i try to bring it up and gets mad at me, she knows im pathetic in arguments.

Thing thats really bothering me is that i introduced her to my friend and its like shes ditched me for them, she always asks them to do stuff and never me, when i hear they've been out i get so jealous! i want my friend back, but i dont think shes treated me very well, i feel like she used me during when she had the abortion and it hurts cos i thought we were really good friends.

When i talk to my other friends they tell me to ditch her, the problem is i cant seem too, shes treated me so horribly over the last couple of months i know im a complete mug, but somehow i keep going back for more.

Im getting so down about this, when we were friends we were really good friends, all i want to do is get back to that.....but i cant seem to talk to her cos she wont talk to me, shes not interested and all she'll do is get mad.

I try not to text her or speak to her but all i can manage is a couple of weeks, then i need to text her. God im so pathetic!!!!!

I'm sorry this has been so long, i really appreciate you taking the time to read this.....
.....What would you do if you were in my situation??

...... i've tried turning my attention to other girls but no one compares to her, but theres no way we'll ever get together ever.

 

[EgoZero]

Well I don't know, but she sounds like a terrible person to use you so much and then just dump you. I myself can't help you, because I've never been in such situation. But when I hear stuff like that, I think I'm kinda happy not to have very close friends, gf or just not to be attached to anybody.

 

[Harleyq]

That sounds horrible. She's obviously blind if she can't see what an awesome person you are. Maybe you can get your friends to help you avoid contact with her? Or when you feel the urge to, come on here instead and we'll support you and/or you can read other people's SA stories and find some inner strength through them (that's What I do when I start feeling the pangs of SA). I think the best thing to do is to find some way to distract yourself when you start feeling like you want to contact her and keep in touch with peopl who will remind you that it's not a good idea to run back to Miss Use-and-Lose.

 

[redski]

My friend, cut your losses and try all you can to forget and move on.
You say you miss her friendship but admit it it's more then that?

I have had this happen to me once and well I want to say only positive
things but chances are you were being strung along BUT it could be anything
else (benefit of doubt).

If she does not even respect you enough to give an explanation as to why she
is acting this way and just gives you BS when you confront her about it then be
glad her true colors came out this early and not later on in a "more then
friends" relationship.

Vent on and do not bottle this inside. There are a lot of understanding
and experienced people her that can help out.

 

[silens]

I feel for you man, I was in a VERY similar situation a couple years back, in fact the pain was so bad for me I spent a few days in bed refusing to get out for fear of doing something horrible to myself.

For me the thing that helped the most was time, it took a long time for me because I am a very isolated and withdrawn person, with almost literally no friends. (My Dad and Two Brothers and the twelve people I work directly with make up the entireity of my social circle) It sounds to me like you are doing better then me in the friends department, I am sure that there is someone there that you can confide in even if it doesnt seem like it to you right now, if not the best I can do for is to let you know that even at the darkest of times there will be an end to your pain, but first you must accept that this person is more trouble then they are worth and that is not likely to change. It is okay to cry for them now but at some point you must resolve to weep for them no more and move on with your life just as, I am sure, she has. In the end you will be stronger for it, even if you dont realize it, and unlike her your honor will be intact, which is the only thing we trully own.

Strength and Honor My Friend

Silens

 

[Bar-AKA-Redzer]

ohh mate i know what thats like, sounds like me and this girl i know. Think your in love fella and you might not know it. People say cut your losses and move on its not that simple i tried and the longest i lasted was 2 days before i had to go back. Its a bit better for me cause i get to see her for the first time next week, and i am freakin out a little now. Dont know whats gonna happen

 

[Dan10]

Thank you so much guys for your replies i really appreciate it your all completely right! All of my friends are completely saying the same thing, they dont like her at all, they've never met her but based on how unhappy they've seen me, they dont like her.

I think i was just looking for a quick fix, cos things went so crap so quickly i was kinda hoping they'd do a 180 again. I dunno its just so hard i like her so much and just wanna be as good friends with her as i used to be but shes so unwilling to talk or even give a c***! I dunno it was more than a crush its like looking a best friend, (god i need to man up!)

I've deleted her number.....problem is i know it off by heart!, i've done this before and i last about a month then im pathetic and go running back, i'm gonna take your advice harleyq.

Bar-AKA-Redzer, good luck with your girl, leme know how it goes! Haaahaaa could u imagine if we were chatting about the same girl! Hope yours is nicer, Good luck mate!

THANK YOU again so much every1, rele appreciate all your responses and your time to write back!!

 

[redski]

Dan10, good thing you trashed her number. Now comes the hard part and
removing her from you mind/heart. I have been there friend. However it took
me years to forget. Still now to this day the memory lingers, although all the pain and
bad feelings are gone. I've been lucky I have not spoken/seen her for many years
so it has been easier to forget.

One thing I learned from the experience is that you have to think logically do not
let your emotions take over. For instance in your case you got to know her and develop
an attraction when she was together with another man. That was probably
not a good thing. Yes, people say you cannot help who you have feelings for
but think about it, she was with another man when you started developing feelings.

You yourself claimed that she had put you in the friendship zone but that is not
how you felt. So I can only imagine (based on personal experience) every time you
met as "friends" you become more hopeful, before or after her boyfriend. I've
done this and sorry friend you can only blame yourself for this.

I do have a question however.
Did you tell her how you felt or try to show her?
Was she aware of your feelings for her?

 

[mark jewell]

well i have a problem i like this young ladie alot and she know that i care about her and have feeling for her but we just friend the thing is that i really dont understand women and for some reason i try to hard with everything i do i email 2-3 time a day i,m afriad that i may be pushing with out know can someone give me some advice because i dont want to loose this friendship or this person

 

[jcc]

I feel your pain....

My case is slightly different to yours because I actually went out with this girl for about a 1.5 yr (1st gf). When we first went out everything was great, because I was giving her everything she wanted, time, attention...etc. But because I wanted to have a future with her so badly, I slowly drifted off and becoming more focused at my studies/work and not giving her enough attention. But sometimes when i ask her out on a date she gave me reason such as i have work, not allowed... etc Anyhow, long story short, I didn't really treat her the way she wanted and we broke up.

She gave me a list of reasons... she wanted time alone, she sees no future in us... the list goes on... but now, i found out she's actually going out with another guy... heart broken... and i'm still blaming myself for setting my priorities wrong... but i think they're going pretty well... *sigh...