Girl Advice

[Whapz]

I need some advice because I have NO idea how to really interact with girls. I've had girlfriends and such but my SA has just gotten so bad over the past couple years. Anyway, here's the situation.

The entire fall semester of college I was crushing really hard on this girl in my calculus class. I got her number and we kind of talked and became friends but that was it. Well now it's spring semester. Last night I went to the little dance club type thing we have on campus here. I saw her dancing with a guy already so I went up to say hi. When I said hi, she seemed really excited, ditched her dance, and came and danced with me. I can't even describe how special and happy I felt. After that everybody was leaving and I kind of talked to her as we left. When I got back to my dorm I texted her saying, "I should've said this in person but would you wanna hang out sometime?" She didn't respond til the morning, and she said, "Definitely just got your text right now..but yeah."

So I asked her when, she said "idk maybe next weekend sometime," so I told her just to let me know for sure when she wants to.

I'm terrified of texting her too much and ruining the whole thing. I'm also scared of figuring out what to do when we hang out because I assume no matter what I choose she'll think I'm weird.

Any advice on what to do? I like have no idea how to handle this situation. All my friends keep saying "oh just be yourself," but they don't understand that THIS is myself. I really like her and think she's awesome and I'm so scared of screwing it all up.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

1. Don't put too much pressure onto yourself to succeed with this one particular girl--that's the best way to screw it up.

2. Talk to as many girls as you can about anything, as often as you can. Especially the ones you don't find attractive. Seriously.

 

[Minty]

Think about her more than yourself. Think about how awesome it is that you're going to hang out with her. Just be excited and enjoy the feeling. Don't let your anxiety lead to obsessive thoughts and completely ruin it. She said "definitely" when you asked if she wanted to hang out and she ditched some guy to dance with you. She's into you. Any insecurities you may have are irrational at this point. Don't let them be a barrier.

 

[Nobody65]

Hey bro. Best advice I can give, don't over-think it. Just try to go with it and not plan it out too much, cause plans never work. You're obviously doing something right so don't act differently.

I hate to give too much advice cause this is what I'm working on myself, the whole girl thing, but if you think you have an opp, move in slow and kiss her. Don't miss your moment, but don't try to force it either. It might not happen right away or even on the first date. Again, take my advice with a grain of salt cause I have yet to master the casual date. I'm more of a nightclub guy as of now, as casual convo gives me difficulty.

I would love to know how it goes so please update us. GOOD LUCK!


BTW, there should be more on this board about this stuff

 

[danstelter]

When I said hi, she seemed really excited, ditched her dance, and came and danced with me. I can't even describe how special and happy I felt.

Try not to put your self esteem too much in her hands. It seems like she is interested. Here's what I would recommend step-by-step because I've been in this same boat so many times:

1. Generally, you don't want to leave things in her hands. Tell her you'll call/text her with an idea, and don't wait for her to respond. Women like leadership and can be awfully flaky at times, so the best chance for a positive response is to keep the control in your hands. But, since you put the control in her hands, you have to wait it out over this weekend this time.

2. Prepare a few activities you think she and you might like to do. When she calls/texts, you'll be ready with a plan.

3. If she does not call/text over the weekend, do not take it personally - women and people in general in this day and age are flaky. Your next step will be to give her a call/text during the week and really pin her down with something to do at a specific time and place the next weekend. If she accepts, that's great. If she makes excuses as to why she can't go, inform her that that's okay and you will be hanging out with some other women that weekend (it might be okay to tell a white lie here). Women always find men attractive who are desired by other women.

4. See what happens from there, and it can get really complex really fast, but this is good to get you started.

5. I think the main point, whether this works out or not, is that you are out there and trying. What you did is really tough for SA people to do, and if you keep doing it, eventually you'll find yourself in a relationship again. Pat yourself on the back because you are on the right path and things will work out for you if you keep doing them. If this doesn't work out, DO NOT blame yourself or feel ashamed - you are doing all that you can do, and if things don't work out after that, well then they're just not meant to be.

Good luck and I know that things will work out well for you!

Dan

 

[bsebring]

^ I think that's really good advice for a lot of ppl on here

 

[Whapz]

Thank you everybody for all your advice, it all helps greatly. I will definitely update how everything plays out over the weekend.

 

[Whapz]

Alright, last night went pretty well. We went to a comedy show that was here on campus and that was fun and all. She kept looking at me and smiling, so I'm taking that as a good sign. Afterwards we both went to our separate rooms, but I kind of walked in on my roommate and his girlfriend doing stuff, so I just started to walk around outside. I texted the girl I hung out with and told her and she said she would have me come to her room but her roommate was sleeping. Another good sign? I'm thinking it was a pretty successful evening. Next time we hang out I'm planning on asking her on a date.

 

[Whapz]

Okay never mind. She ignored me all day. fml.

 

[superfluouslyme]

Maybe she was busy or distracted. Don't give up hope! As you said, last night seemed to go pretty well.

 

[Nobody65]

02-19-2011, 02:22 PM
02-20-2011, 12:12 AM

That's the time that passed before your story did a 180. Don't worry so much. I do the same thing but I've learned to force myself to wait it out. Don't seem to eager or respond to her texts too fast. You don't want to seem desperate. And girls can be weird. Don't read too much into the non-textbacks right away. If it continues, then I'm afraid that is the sign to cut her loose.

Let me know how things are going

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

BE Positive - you did what many with SA can't even do, go up and say hi. Then text/call. You did. The rest is the real adventure figuring out women =) I think you're on a good track mate. Dont beat yourself up or overthink it. I do that so much and always think its me and usually never find out the real reasons but when do - usually nothing to do with me. People are complex and have their own issues.

From my limited experience - texting too much like you did can sound desperate - women dont like to be pressured that way. Not that I am any expert rofl but a girl got turned off by this. I am paranoid slightly tho when ppl dont respond at all always think its me etc. When prob not.