Getting to the roots of SA

[namelessmiracle]

Does anyone ever wonder what things happen in your lives that add to/cause our SA?


I figured I would share my thoughts on my life. Feel free to comment or add your own story!


So I was in therapy on Wednesday, and my therapist brought up a good point. She always tries to get to the root of the issues surrounding my social anxiety, and it always sends my mind spinning. I figure the best way to sort out my feelings is on here. I know others are dealing with similar issues, and it's just good not to feel alone. When I talk about my dad dying at 4, I show no emotion. When I talk about my mom trying to raise me while sick from HIV, I try to over compensate, trying to prove how good of a mom she was for what she could do. In my head I've made excuses year after year to try to normalize it in my mind. I think this contributes to my Social Anxiety.

Growing up I wasn't able to tell anyone outside my family what was going on. It was the 90's, everyone freaked out when they heard the word HIV. My dad was a closet heroin addict, and the bastard ended up infecting my mom. When he died, I was a 4 year old girl who literally saw him being put in a body bag and taken away. No child should watch that.

My mom was on hospice when I got a few years older, and almost died. There were years of hospital visits,nights of hallucinations and panic attacks....I had to parent my mother. I love her to death, and she's been a trooper for 23 years, but I have to admit to myself that she wasn't the best parent, but she did what she could. That hurts me to write.

When anyone outside of our family asked, I was expected to lie and say it was Cancer. This one fact, right here, is what I believe started my Social Anxiety. The fear of someone finding out my mom and dad had aids. The stigma attached to it was overwhelming. As a kid of course I didn't understand it, but went along with my family.

After a few years, I even began to believe the lies myself. At 13 I was writing a report on my dad, and I actually asked my mom what kind of cancer he died from.

I don't know what exactly I expected to get from this rant, I just felt the need to get some things off my chest.





This is also posted on my blog about Living with Social Anxiety. It is a blog to inform people about the growing number of individuals diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. I feel there are not adequate resources for people with this specific anxiety disorder. Many people feel alone and like they're the only ones suffering with these symptoms. I will post things about my daily life that cause my SAD to act up. I will talk about past and present issues. My goal is to help those who need answers, and help them to not feel alone. Feel free to ask if you have questions, want advice, or want to hear how I handled a tough situation.If you want to share your story, I'm here to listen. SAD will never go away, but together we can learn how to control it.

Please feel free to view my blog through tumblr or blogger

Living with Social Anxiety

Or

My Life with Social Anxiety Disorder


And again, I'm thankful to all of the support I'm getting in this forum

 

[Raijin]

What caused my S.A is probably a mix of things i tend to keep my emotions and my feelings in box. How do you deal with your S.A everyday?

 

[namelessmiracle]

What caused my S.A is probably a mix of things i tend to keep my emotions and my feelings in box. How do you deal with your S.A everyday?

It honestly depends day after day. I am on celexa daily, and have been for 4 years. Xanax helps when I'm having my panic attacks. Some days are really good days, and when I'm confident my SA goes away. Most of the days, however, I just need to step aside and use breathing exercises. As corny as it sounds, it helps me. Going out to my car for five minutes and blare music. If I get frustrated, I excise myself and let myself think it through. When I'm having SA symptoms, I KNOW they're stupid, but I can't help it.

 

[Raijin]

Its not stupid S.A can be a pain to deal with at times and thanks i appreciate you sharing how you deal it on a day to day basis

 

[namelessmiracle]

How about it...anyone else out there willing to share their experience?

 

[mart22n]

Strange....I thought I already responded yesterday, but seems my reply didn't reach SPW.

Anyway, my experience:
As a child, I was pretty introverted and shy, but not really a shut-in. I remember one occasion when I made some girls laugh by acting "as a clown". Good memories!

The first time I encountered something SA-like was when I was in the 4-th grade. I was walking with a friend from school to home, and thought about saying something, but didn't say it nevertheless. That was the first time in my life I pondered about saying something before actually saying it, and probably marked the beginning of my puberty and the related self-consciousness.

My onset of SA/SP was really when I was going to the karate training. All my buddies quit, and I was left with the rude guys who often made fun of me, calling me by a nickname "Widget" (after a cartoon character ).

The second major factor to my SA was the fact that I was several times asked on the street, or commented behind my back "Is he a boy or a girl?" (I am male). This created the constant self-consciousness while walking on the street for many years to come.

Thirdly, I have an elder brother who teased/bullied me pretty constantly until the age of 13.

And last but not least, as a social shut-in, I devoted a lot of hours on a MMORPG (an online role-playing game with a medieval setting), which didn't help building my social skills obviously.

All these factors created a state in me which can be characterized as constant tension in social situations, inability to trust people and open up to them, and a huge self-consciousness. I also began being afraid to look people in the eyes.

BUT, during the past 2-3 years, I have started striking back: I have started to face & conquer my fears and negative beliefs about people and myself. How? By asking people about my SA and shyness. Turns out, I have yet to see a person who openly admits he does not tolerate SA or shyness (they are the same thing in my opinion, but that's another topic). I have asked about 50 people I guess.

***
TL;DR: I experienced mocking/teasing by people + which in combination with my introverted nature made me super self-conscious. Now I'm fighting back and feeling happier. Kick your fears in the face till they give up

 

[Lexington]

Does anyone ever wonder what things happen in your lives that add to/cause our SA?


I figured I would share my thoughts on my life. Feel free to comment or add your own story!


So I was in therapy on Wednesday, and my therapist brought up a good point. She always tries to get to the root of the issues surrounding my social anxiety, and it always sends my mind spinning. I figure the best way to sort out my feelings is on here. I know others are dealing with similar issues, and it's just good not to feel alone. When I talk about my dad dying at 4, I show no emotion. When I talk about my mom trying to raise me while sick from HIV, I try to over compensate, trying to prove how good of a mom she was for what she could do. In my head I've made excuses year after year to try to normalize it in my mind. I think this contributes to my Social Anxiety.

Growing up I wasn't able to tell anyone outside my family what was going on. It was the 90's, everyone freaked out when they heard the word HIV. My dad was a closet heroin addict, and the bastard ended up infecting my mom. When he died, I was a 4 year old girl who literally saw him being put in a body bag and taken away. No child should watch that.

My mom was on hospice when I got a few years older, and almost died. There were years of hospital visits,nights of hallucinations and panic attacks....I had to parent my mother. I love her to death, and she's been a trooper for 23 years, but I have to admit to myself that she wasn't the best parent, but she did what she could. That hurts me to write.

When anyone outside of our family asked, I was expected to lie and say it was Cancer. This one fact, right here, is what I believe started my Social Anxiety. The fear of someone finding out my mom and dad had aids. The stigma attached to it was overwhelming. As a kid of course I didn't understand it, but went along with my family.

After a few years, I even began to believe the lies myself. At 13 I was writing a report on my dad, and I actually asked my mom what kind of cancer he died from.

I don't know what exactly I expected to get from this rant, I just felt the need to get some things off my chest.





This is also posted on my blog about Living with Social Anxiety. It is a blog to inform people about the growing number of individuals diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. I feel there are not adequate resources for people with this specific anxiety disorder. Many people feel alone and like they're the only ones suffering with these symptoms. I will post things about my daily life that cause my SAD to act up. I will talk about past and present issues. My goal is to help those who need answers, and help them to not feel alone. Feel free to ask if you have questions, want advice, or want to hear how I handled a tough situation.If you want to share your story, I'm here to listen. SAD will never go away, but together we can learn how to control it.

Please feel free to view my blog through tumblr or blogger

Living with Social Anxiety

Or

My Life with Social Anxiety Disorder


And again, I'm thankful to all of the support I'm getting in this forum

Thanks again for your honesty. These kinds of stories make me think twice about ever complaining about my own parents again. I was VERY fortunate!

 

[Tulicks]

My social anxiety came from self-consciousness, not the other way around. Before I had social anxiety my focus was more centered on the external world rather than the internal place of the mind. I think too much focus on my mind, thoughts, emotions, feelings, which were usually negative most of the time produced the anxiety within me, and separated me, if you will, from the mainstream focus of the external world.

It seems impossible to reconnect my focus with the external world now that I've been so long in self-consciousness. I mean I was always like this from day one, but it was more of a shyness than a social anxiety disorder. I honestly think too much focus on my thought life, thought patterns, cognitional processes, etc. screwed me over big time.