Getting over a phobia

[missjesss]

So when we finally hit the initial social phobia we are terrified and have waves of panic etc, 3 years later (for me anyway) I don't get those panicy feelings anymore, I don't get panic attacks, I can go to the shops at ease and do most things at ease accept mayb parties and places where lots of people are..

but why..

Do I still feel depressed, empty, avoidant even? I have lost my zest for life I find it hard to experience fun anymore, the only time I am happy is when my bf comes back from working in the mines, I have worked up the courage to go to a dance class, still NO FUN just stiffness, and feeling like he is going to criticize me or think im an idiot coz im not picking up the steps quick enough.

How are you meant to try and live your life when ur feeling like that all the time?? It's as though Ive been scarred in my past life that I can't move forward. I won't leave my job, I won't go back and study, I am a terrible money spender, I binge eat, I actually feel disabled only not physically but mentally

Sorry I needed to rant but I would like your thoughts and opinions, and to see if anyone feels the same way??

 

[Josette]

That sounds somewhat familiar to me. I no longer have severe anxiety about doing social things, but I still don't do them. I'm very avoidant. I think it kind of becomes a habit.

To me, it sounds like you're depressed. I mean, you can get rid of SA (or largely overcome it) and still suffer from depression. Maybe that's the problem?

 

[missjesss]

I don't know but I'm sick of having to deal with any sort of mental issue there are so many people out there that never go through anything not even depression why us?? are we cursed to deal with "something" for the rest of our lives !?

So when you say it becomes a habbit ( which I hugely agree with) how do we overcome this, I mean I'm still horribly shy at times and I can see signs of low confidence in me all the time and I don't know how to get my confidence back

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

46.7% of Americans are likely to encounter/experience 1 type of mental disorder sometime in their lives, depression included. That number I bet transfers well to other developed countries and I bet is realistically even higher.

Avoidance is an addiction - it's a habit forming addiction result of our fears/anxieties - it became our best way to cope. That can lead to other ways like substance abuse addiction, which is still a form of avoidance.

Life comes in cycles. The down times - where our old thoughts/ways of being/habits/addictions rear their ugly heads back at us - if you don't have the support around you or built a foundation to help deal and get through those low points this is so easy to get back to these feelings. I have... easily. I feel ya with what you said I feel so similar...... but...

Look back - there ARE points even small where you were more confident and perhaps shy but did things and maybe were content at that moment - it's possible.

I'm tired too dealing with this stuff so much thought and energy expended on it - but we all got to just do it at some point, march forward, dragging the ball and chain of SA and issues with us. Because I know there will come a point where if we do things, whether seek more help, support, etc. those chains will loosen and the ball will shrink. I don't think for many it'll ever just disappear, but, it can be very manageable and not slowing one down or stopping from living their life.

 

[missjesss]

thanks for the input, I just don't know where to go from here, I am trying another psychologist in a couple of weeks and my plan is to keep seeing her ongoing for 1 year minimum! Hypnotherapy has helped alot but I still have gone backwards somewhat, any advice, treatments that you might recommend? I am also waiting on my health care so I can start group CBT

 

[Josette]

So when you say it becomes a habit ( which I hugely agree with) how do we overcome this, I mean I'm still horribly shy at times and I can see signs of low confidence in me all the time and I don't know how to get my confidence back

I'll tell you how I'm trying to overcome my avoidant habit. By reporting to someone else. I've made a list of goals (e.g. dating, socializing with friends more) and sub-lists of how to go about it. And then I basically give myself assignments. For example, by Wednesday you will contact the CBT center the therapist told you about and call X to ask if she'd like to do lunch and email Z about going to the movies. And I tell the therapist (and my mom) what my goals are and have asked them to call me on them. So I end up doing the stuff just so I don't have to be a "failure" in their eyes (even though I know that they don't think of it that way). I need someone to be accountable to, since being accountable to myself doesn't work--yet. I hope eventually, forcing myself to do these things I avoid, it will become easy and habitual to do them and the confidence will increase naturally as a result of my knowing that x,y,z are now 'totally doable, no big deal, I do them all the time!'

 

[missjesss]

yeah I can honestly say I do need someone to report to aswel, weekly I have tried to do this on my own and with hypnotherapy, but I don't think those alone are enough coz I'm starting to slip back into my old way of thinking, even though I know to work on my avoidance behaviors I need someone to talk to about all this, it's my birthday party this saturday and im not looking forward to it, there is going to be about 16 ppl we are going out to dinner then to karaoke!! Im not feeling up2 it I hope I can change my mindset for saturday the thing I don't want most is to ruin ppls nights and act like a stiff sad hole!! its pretty sad when we fear celebrating our own birthdays im so depressed right now

 

[Josette]

I'm jealous you're having a birthday party. I had some when I was a little kid, but none since. I don't think anyone would show if I did try to have one.

Is there anything that always cheers you up that you could do right before the party to get yourself into a good mood? Like exercising, watching your favorite movie, visiting the pet store and playing with the kitties, singing along to your favorite song...?

 

[missjesss]

well I think im the kind of person who trys to appear to be normal and I try to hang onto everyone I know because I know about avoidance, but yeah can't stay with them for too long even though I try too!!

I know positive affirmations will help me if I keep saying them in front of the mirror while im getting ready, also a couple of cocktails lol hopefully I will make it through the night having fun and not being like a stiff, I also have to meet some of my bfs friends that night so yeah new faces are still hard for me :/ but managable I guess