Genuine Love?!?

[Orlando]

Hi, everyone!

I just wanted to ask anyone on the website if they really felt any genuine love from anyone...I was just talking with a friend and we though of how difficult it was for people with SP to feel it (from family, friends or just people on the street).

A lot of us, kinda feel that for us to get love, we need to do something first (like be witty, handsome, beautiful, athletic, rich, or talkative)...then the other person (wether friends or family) will find us valuable and rain their 'love' on us.....For me, I don't think that's genuine love...and to a degree it's something that I can live without...I think that genuine love is when you love another person for no reason at all...

I would rather give and recieve genuine love rather than love with strings attached....

Just wanted to ask you if you felt it before? and How would you show it to other people?

 

[Crimefish]

I'm 16, so of course everyone says I can't feel love at all. I have a strange relationship with my friends. When we love each other, we insult each other, 'cause we're too, um... embarrassed? to admit it in words. I feel comfortable with them and I know they love me, and I hope they know I love them.
My family says "I love you" to each other every day. Some of us hug, my dad tends not to, but he still says "I love you".
...And there's a guy I really like who is one of my friends already. He's engaged, so there's no chance for me, but I'm happy just to know him, because he's a wonderful person. We are both huge Japan freaks, so I'd probably just say "Daisuki yo!" (I love you) and run away laughing. He'll never say it back and mean it the way I do, but he'll also never break up with me. Silver lining.
And another guy friend I have insists he's in love with me, but I don't think he is. It's infatuation... or maybe I just refuse to think anyone could love me.
So how I show it depends on who I'm showing it to. Sometimes simply saying it is the way to go, sometimes talking in Japanese, sometimes telling the person they suck. Either way, they always know what I mean.
(Sorry for the long post :? )

 

[Anonymous]

A lot of us, kinda feel that for us to get love, we need to do something first (like be witty, handsome, beautiful, athletic, rich, or talkative)...then the other person (wether friends or family) will find us valuable and rain their 'love' on us.....

Damn, Orlando, quit thinking my thoughts!!! LOL

I've always felt this way. It's one of the reasons that I've often not tried to find love--I felt uninteresting/unworthy/uglier or what have you because I'm not athletic or #1 in anything or travel the globe or have an impressive job or what have you. Perhaps it's just the shallowness of society screwing with us? (SA makes it easier to be screwed with! )

I agree completely about conditional love. But it seems to me that all love is conditional, though, to a degree.... not so much the mercenary "he didn't buy me diamonds, *$(%& him!!" but more that love does have standards and unspoken conditions that, if not upheld, will destroy the love... I don't know if I'm making sense (I've got a headache lol)


Crimefish: Me and my friends always rag on each other rather than express affection.... but then again we're guys lol

 

[Orlando]

Hi, Crimefish and J.

Crimefish, I don't know what I would do without my friendships (the few close ones that I have.) I'm glad that you have close friendships too and that you have many men fancy you! (I wish someone [a woman] could be infatuated with me, however, it would be clear to me and many of the medical establishment that she would have to be either an extremely poor judge of character or very very psychotic.... :lol: )

J, I understand what you mean. I'm just on 'guard' with everyone. It is hard to let anyone in to trust. This barrier has helped me in the past. It has protected me from getting teased or making mistakes. However, I have paid a terrible price to maintain this personal strategy of isolationism. I habitually believe everyone is the enemy....everyone is against me. Even when people extend their hands in friendship, I worry that they are planning or will plan something against me. It is really the fact that I fail to choose who [which people] I 'let in'....I am so frightened of failure or betrayal that I stay alone (angry and frustrated).
For me, I have to work on accepting the love from other (actively choosing who to trust) and work of giving love to others.

Any way, that's just me ranting. :lol:

 

[sky]

How can someone love you just for no reason? I believe humans are selfish in nature and will only "love" you if it benefits them. All love is conditional, even that from parents. Everyone will eventually get sick of me and abandon me.

 

[Orlando]

Sky,

I know I have an very optimistic point of view. However, I feel that I am stuck between two opposites: To trust everyone and to trust no one. If I continue to trust no one, I will continue to be lonely. I feel that social phobia has robbed me of the ability to CHOOSE who to trust. I treat everyone the same, as a potential enemy.
I know that I maybe betrayed or hurt if I open up to other people. (I may trust people who are just jerks, like your ex-friend.) However, I want to take that risk because I'm stuck now and lonely...and frustrated...and angry. So, I'll take that risk....

However, I understand and respect your opinion.