CZi
Well-known member
This was in part inspired by the recluse's comment thread and my experience I've had in SWP so far! Without further ado let me begin:
I've read many a thread now that I not only relate to but also find direct parallels from points in my own life. It's sad how cruel human nature can be, and it doesn't matter what part of the world you live in, gender, age or race. Saddest yet, we ourselves are often the cruelest of all...
When I was young I was constantly bullied, mocked and ostracized. Typical introverted skinny runt with glasses and braces. Couple that with parents who were strict as hell, a mother who would accept no less then A's (or the rare B) academically, the fact that I sucked at sports and was overly polite for an awesomely easy personality to mock. Needless to say I never had any romantic relationships and only a small group of friends. I was probably taunted with every cliche, defamation, rumor and slander that were popular with kids at the time. I put way too much faith into what others thought, and I truly believed them myself. Due to being naive and impressionable I saw myself just as they said. The majority HAD to be right...right? So I patiently waited and hoped it'd all change. That when I got older I'd be cool and normal looking, that I'd simply grow out of it ugly duck style.
Well, too my horror it was pretty much the same even through College. The only difference was I started to be more sociable, and was nervously excited to start fresh now that I was older with a different set of people. I was finally average height, wore contacts, had no braces and stopped being really quiet. No dice, I still was ostracized and made fun of lol. I didn't understand, I was still really skinny yeah, but things were supposed to be different! So basically it took major depression, isolation and dropping out after 2 years for me to seriously look at my life and realize the problem was always within, not what I looked like. Sure if I was tall, ridiculously handsome and ripped I'd be accepted more readily just at face value, but if my internal emotions and self worth didn't reflect the outside, everything would fall apart just as easily. I had to learn to love myself, face my social anxiety and come to grips with my really screwed up self-esteem and image before I could ever be truly successful in the social arena. The whole "if you don't love yourself, how can you expect others to love you?" kinda deal. Anyway, I went through therapy/counseling and that brings me to where I am now. Better, still craptacular self-esteem, but a work in progress.
I just figured I'd share this possibly familiar story in hope others might take something from it or perhaps self reflection. Oh, and of course it helped to get that off my chest with other peers! Feel free to comment, question or add your own story.
Be strong, never surrender. :]
I've read many a thread now that I not only relate to but also find direct parallels from points in my own life. It's sad how cruel human nature can be, and it doesn't matter what part of the world you live in, gender, age or race. Saddest yet, we ourselves are often the cruelest of all...
When I was young I was constantly bullied, mocked and ostracized. Typical introverted skinny runt with glasses and braces. Couple that with parents who were strict as hell, a mother who would accept no less then A's (or the rare B) academically, the fact that I sucked at sports and was overly polite for an awesomely easy personality to mock. Needless to say I never had any romantic relationships and only a small group of friends. I was probably taunted with every cliche, defamation, rumor and slander that were popular with kids at the time. I put way too much faith into what others thought, and I truly believed them myself. Due to being naive and impressionable I saw myself just as they said. The majority HAD to be right...right? So I patiently waited and hoped it'd all change. That when I got older I'd be cool and normal looking, that I'd simply grow out of it ugly duck style.
Well, too my horror it was pretty much the same even through College. The only difference was I started to be more sociable, and was nervously excited to start fresh now that I was older with a different set of people. I was finally average height, wore contacts, had no braces and stopped being really quiet. No dice, I still was ostracized and made fun of lol. I didn't understand, I was still really skinny yeah, but things were supposed to be different! So basically it took major depression, isolation and dropping out after 2 years for me to seriously look at my life and realize the problem was always within, not what I looked like. Sure if I was tall, ridiculously handsome and ripped I'd be accepted more readily just at face value, but if my internal emotions and self worth didn't reflect the outside, everything would fall apart just as easily. I had to learn to love myself, face my social anxiety and come to grips with my really screwed up self-esteem and image before I could ever be truly successful in the social arena. The whole "if you don't love yourself, how can you expect others to love you?" kinda deal. Anyway, I went through therapy/counseling and that brings me to where I am now. Better, still craptacular self-esteem, but a work in progress.
I just figured I'd share this possibly familiar story in hope others might take something from it or perhaps self reflection. Oh, and of course it helped to get that off my chest with other peers! Feel free to comment, question or add your own story.
Be strong, never surrender. :]
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