Hiya folks!
I've succumbed to spilling my beans some were, maybe get some productive conversation going.
So I've grown up in a reserve/village, despite all of the broken families and trauma's that those around me lived in, I lived relatively sheltered from it all. Resentment that parents had towards mine lead to there children holding some towards me and you sort let that sit in the blender and you end up with insecurity issues.
I was always introverted/quiet when I wasn't blundering through social cues and lacking anger control. I was always singled out in my elementary years and always prodded until I lashed back in which I was just not allowed to play with the other kids (literally that forever alone meme with the tether ball)
fast forward through socially awkward/deprived but thankfully uneventful (besides a fight I got into that labeled me as someone not to bugger with) high school years and I'm now 23 living a routine of internet browsing/fast food job were I have no social stimulation/****ing off/internet browsing/sleep. I find that I can't for the life of me socialize despite being able to hold conversations, work customer service, keep close to my family.
I suppose I just hadn't picked up social cues and I've passed on alot of opportunities in my life simply because I couldn't fathom having to deal with the social interaction.
I'm very lonely but I can't fathom a relationship on any level as people just suck the energy out of me.
I just feel like a parasite among parasites that consume, shit and die. It's left me with not much enthusiasm for socializing among other things.
Probably not much to work off of but I gotta post it nonetheless.
I've succumbed to spilling my beans some were, maybe get some productive conversation going.
So I've grown up in a reserve/village, despite all of the broken families and trauma's that those around me lived in, I lived relatively sheltered from it all. Resentment that parents had towards mine lead to there children holding some towards me and you sort let that sit in the blender and you end up with insecurity issues.
I was always introverted/quiet when I wasn't blundering through social cues and lacking anger control. I was always singled out in my elementary years and always prodded until I lashed back in which I was just not allowed to play with the other kids (literally that forever alone meme with the tether ball)
fast forward through socially awkward/deprived but thankfully uneventful (besides a fight I got into that labeled me as someone not to bugger with) high school years and I'm now 23 living a routine of internet browsing/fast food job were I have no social stimulation/****ing off/internet browsing/sleep. I find that I can't for the life of me socialize despite being able to hold conversations, work customer service, keep close to my family.
I suppose I just hadn't picked up social cues and I've passed on alot of opportunities in my life simply because I couldn't fathom having to deal with the social interaction.
I'm very lonely but I can't fathom a relationship on any level as people just suck the energy out of me.
I just feel like a parasite among parasites that consume, shit and die. It's left me with not much enthusiasm for socializing among other things.
Probably not much to work off of but I gotta post it nonetheless.
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