Friends

[funnyman]

For along time now I've been without close friends. The type of friend that would call you up just to say hello or to see if you want to go out. Its at the point now that Im used to it, im used to spending a friday/saturday night at home by myself and when I do have to go out it can be a hassle or I should say confrounting. Anybody else feel like this? 8O

 

[Anonymous]

Funnyman,

Yeah, I'm the same way. I hate it when I'm home alone cause I'm lonely but when I'm forced to go out with my coworkers to a bar or some outing I really want to go home. I stinks. It's like I can't win.

 

[funnyman]

I think I've fallen into a comfort zone.

 

[Anonymous]

being alone

it is very hard sometimes. i feel like i have no friends. i'm from europe and i live in nyc and i know that this is the way a lot of people feel. with social phobia i usually have to have a drink to calm down...therapy is way too expensive..and i have no motivation to do relaxation pratices..what for?
i get so lonely..i don't know how to change things..

 

[neddy]

Hello, I have got no friends, haven't had any for quite awhile. At first it didn't worry me too much but now I wish I had some to talk too, ring up and visit. I have been very anti social for years and have lived in isolation for the last 10 years and feel that isolating myself has made it worse and not better. I am slowly sorting myself out and guess that once I start to feel better about myself I will be able to go out and meet people.

 

[crashmodem]

Ya.. i don't have any friends either that i talk to face to face. I think that is why i am single, because of the fact that i have no friends face to face, and so they won't set me up with anyone.

I am just so tired and angry about being alone, but i know there isn't anything i can about it.

 

[Anonymous]

same here

yup, we sa's don't have any friends. I know i don't I think i scared em all away.

 

[Orlando]

Hi, everybody.

I noticed that I know people but I have a tendency not to hang out with them. I go out once in a while. Usually, only once in a blue (or maybe pale green) moon. My Saturdays and Sundays are spent practicing guitar, doing homework, or watching TV. I noticed that my friends understand this. (I'm a homebody, a hermit, a sequestered monk, and a recluse.) They don't pressure me too much to come out (well, anymore)....They still talk to me so I guess its OK. I don't know. (You know what my parents are the same way. My mother like gardening and cooking. My father likes to take care of the lawn and carpentry) So I guess the fruit doesn't fall to far from the tree.

Andrea,
I remember a post that was set up a few weeks back. It was from Kim819. It is in this forum. It is entitled "Anyone from NY want to meet?". Maybe you could contact and hang out with her. It's a possiblity. You already have something in common (Social Phobia). You'll have a lot to talk about. It's just an idea.

Good luck.

 

[Tris]

I have friends not to many but they dont call me to go out or anything anymore either, they know i wont and sometimes i wish they would make me even tho that would killl me, im just pulling myself both ways cuz i want to so bad but i feel like i cant...it would be awesome if we all just lived in the same city then we all would have TONS of friends..haha PIPE DREAM

 

[symbiosis]

Hi Funnyman,

Great post - this is definately an issue for SPs....I've always struggled with the whole friendship thing. I have more friends now, but have spent many years when younger without, or with 1 not very good friend that didn't treat me very well.

I think we lose out because we don't tend to put ourselves 'out there' to meet people, and if we do, we don't take the all important first step in forming a friendship. I realised a few years ago that my friendships had ALL been instigated by the other person....about time I put my butt on the line...so have become more pro-active and it does work (some of the time!).

Isn't it shitty Funnyman and others, when you don't want to stay home, but it's too painful to go out - I know the feeling well (especially in the past)....it bl@@dy sucks!

Cheers, Symbiosis

 

[kateangel]

same problem

i have exactly the same problem... i have frieds that also dont go out much.. and i am moving house soon and am worried that i wont have any friends at all

i am at college now, and i have been in the same college for 6 years (been here since i was 11) and i have a couple of really good friends, but never have had the confidence to make more friends and have always though 'well they wont want to talk 2 me'. I dont reguarly go out, but if i do it is usually with my family, which i kinda use an excuse to say that im helping my mum look after my younger brothers and sisters... i am not sure if i have mild agoraphobia, as i can go out but i always want to go back home where i feel safe.
My social life is on the internet and msn as it is the only place wgere i feel that im not judged harshly...

kate xx

 

[funnyman]

I find I can talk more open with people online where as face to face im not as open.

 

[Tris]

Oh def! i could tell someone online my whole life story, but if im face to face with someone its just not gonna happen, I try, i try sooo hard, but i open my mouth and nothing comes out, or i say something and its not what i meant or what i wanted to say and i feel stupid then my face turns red and all i wanna do it run home crawl in a corner and cry...im so sick of trying anf failing, but im going to keep trying cuz i wanna be okay!

 

[terresap]

***

 

[crashmodem]

hey.. at least you get invited to places.. i never get invited anywhere.. i am so sick and tired of life and everything..

Friends for me are a luxury i don't have...

 

[Hope]

Friends is a topic I could go on for ad nauseum.
I used to (or thought I used to) have 'em, but in hindsight they were just using me, and when real shit in my life hit the proverbial fan, they were gone in a flash, few to be heard from again. This went for most of my relatives as well. It's left me with considerable bitterness, and now I'm extremely cautious trying to build new relationships.
While the isolation is often overwhelming, being in bad company, esp. bad company that eventually betrays you, is often even worse in the end.
Though I've not built close ties with anyone there lately, I've found my general enjoyment is greater with small groups (e.g. outdoor activity groups and support groups).
I'm lucky that I at least have a local couple and one other friend who understand me (and appear to give a s**t), but find they alone don't fill all the gaps, because you can't suffocate people and expect friendships to last. Having no local relatives doesn't help.
I'm looking at some possible volunteer and activism projects to meet people, as well as help me feel I'm doing something worthwhile.

Looking for any suggestions others might have too.

 

[funnyman]

To HOPE

Are there any support groups you could join in Canada where you can meet people with simular problems?

 

[Anonymous]

Hope and others,

I think the best approach to making ongoing friendships is to increase the number of people you meet. I have been reminde by my counsellor that it's unreasonable to expect myself to form close relationships with everyone I meet. In the past I have tended to be very hard on myself. It is a long process and takes persistence.
I have made good friends through a support group. It is harder to do this in other groups I go to. I think I still tend to hold back from people. However I am pleased that at least I have continued to go to them, whereas in the past I probably would have left.
I think it's good ot pursue your own interests. This is probably the best way to meet people who you are compatible with.

 

[Hope]

funnyman - Yes, there are support groups of various sorts, though few locally. The SP group I attended was very disappointing as the facilitator knew next to nothing about SP, and the group never stayed on topic. Educating them was futile. The group subsequently folded.

Guest - Definitely meeting more people helps, and I do that, but after a very long dry run (years) of not making close connections, it's become rather discouraging. Nevertheless I continue. The alternatives are worse.

>>I have been reminde by my counsellor that it's unreasonable to expect myself to form close relationships with everyone I meet.<<
Well over 95% of people I meet I doubt I'd want a close friendship with. There have to be some common values, interests and purpose.

Like you, I think I've become cautious initiating friendships, mainly because I've been burnt so many times. Before I invest my diminishing free time, I have to see some possibilities. I made what I thought was a close connection in a support group, only to have it flop 2 years later - some major philosophical differences apparently, not to mention a large dose of disingenuousness on their part.

>>I think it's good ot pursue your own interests. This is probably the best way to meet people who you are compatible with.<<
I agree 100%!

Good luck and keep attending the groups. For my part, I feel I'll have to switch to some other groups here.

 

[funnyman]

I have had plenty of times where I have met new people, threw study and work etc..... We are nice to each other and seem like we are friends then outside these places its like we dont even know each other. Dispite my efforts. Oh well :?