Friend will not go to the movies with my other mates...

[Zarrix]

I have this friend, we were good friends at school and that, but since then, he has rarely wanted to go to the movies with the rest of us. Theres always an inconvenience and there are inconsistencies with his stories. Now this isn't doing me any confidence at all, but it isn't as bad as it was a couple of months ago for some reason. The last time I asked him, he seemed extremely anxious, and got out of the conversation hastily. He said he had to go into the city with his mates, although for different reasons each time I asked, I don't know whether these mates exist TBH, or if they are even meeting him.

He is the kind of person that rarely goes out of the house, and I don't think he did today, because he was still online and active. I don't know whether he is snubbing me or he has some other anxiety problem. Recently he got medication for trembling, but I don't know if thats related in any way. At times he seems perfectly fine when talking over the internet.

My question is
Is he snubbing me, or does he have some sort of problem?

I don't think I should ask him about it at all, because if someone asked me about my problems, I would be as nervous as hell. Also if they didn't exist I would look like an idiot. As I read this, I feel slightly worried that he is going to read this somehow =( He knows my internet names.

 

[recluse]

He sounds a lot like me. Many times i have made excuses not to go to places. It sounds like avoidant personality disorder but i am not sure.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality_disorder

 

[SilentStranger]

From what you have written.. it seems like maybe he is suffering from SP or Agoraphobia too. I donno, I maybe wrong... I have thought some people were SPic in the past, but they turned out they were munch more extroverted than I thought.

As for asking him about it, maybe you should, but I suppose you should be subtle about it. That way he doesn't feel uncomfortable and you don't look like an idiot if it turns out that he is not SPic.

-SS

 

[Zarrix]

Quite often I will make excuses not to go to places if it involves interacting with too many unfamiliar people. However I always ask my mates to go to the movies, I don't wait for them to ask me. Is my mate so anxious /such a bastard, that he won't even come along with the rest of us? My mates laugh at his excuses, and some of them are quite questionable, but the fact may be that there is only ever been one reason for all these rejections.

 

[bleach]

Quite often I will make excuses not to go to places if it involves interacting with too many unfamiliar people. However I always ask my mates to go to the movies, I don't wait for them to ask me. Is my mate so anxious /such a bastard, that he won't even come along with the rest of us? My mates laugh at his excuses, and some of them are quite questionable, but the fact may be that there is only ever been one reason for all these rejections.

Or it could just be that different people react to situations in different ways. Just because you have no trouble contacting friends to see a movie doesn't mean he's comfortable with it.

 

[Zarrix]

Quite often I will make excuses not to go to places if it involves interacting with too many unfamiliar people. However I always ask my mates to go to the movies, I don't wait for them to ask me. Is my mate so anxious /such a bastard, that he won't even come along with the rest of us? My mates laugh at his excuses, and some of them are quite questionable, but the fact may be that there is only ever been one reason for all these rejections.

Or it could just be that different people react to situations in different ways. Just because you have no trouble contacting friends to see a movie doesn't mean he's comfortable with it.

Thats right. At times, I don't feel confortable at all asking my mates, especially him. I get all nervous and anxious if it is really bad. I still feel I can do it though, but obviously he has some problem with me or his anxiety that prevents him from ever doing it. I mean, he NEVER asks us first!

 

[bleach]

If he rarely leaves the house AND is on medication for a physical symptom of SA, I think those are some strong clues. I would give him the benefit of the doubt here.

I NEVER ask my friends to hang out at my place, I NEVER go to the movies with them, I frequently make excuses to get out of uncomfortable social events... that doesn't mean I dislike them. The reason has to do with me, not them.