friend problem

[leyton71]

I have a friend...well it's my boyfriends sister. We clicked right away. Everything was great..but thing I don't understand when everything is great all of a sudden I hit a wall. We go from being really close to do I know you? It's quite frustrating going from extreme to the next. I tried to tell her how I feel when she does that and she takes defense and now I am picking on her. I am just merely expressing how this makes me feel. Find out if I did something wrong maybe but then we go weeks on end without talking till somoene caves in or if she has problem. Then I am good again to pick her up. Make her feel good about herself when thats over I am put back on the shelf as I am no use ?? It frustrates me because say I have a problem she is no where to be found.

It's to the point where it's causing issues with my boyfriend because I feel like he should stick up for me. I know that must be a an awful spot for him to be in with 2 ppl her cares about. But I need to be done with her. The friendship is all about her... i just dont know what to do.. I feel because of my social anxiety that I know i wont make friends but I am angry at myself for hanging onto this toxic friendship. I know I deserve better!!!! GRRRR

 

[Perfidion]

If it's all about her, it's not really a genuine friendship at all, is it? It's more a friendship of convenience. You're fine to hang out with and talk to, but only until something more interesting comes along. Cut her loose. You don't need that in your life, and it's probably going to poison your view of other potential friendships in the long run.

 

[danstelter]

I'm male and stuck in the same situation myself. The guy I live with will not talk to me for long periods of time, and when I make attempts to talk to him, he barely even responds. Then he gets pissed at me for not continuously talking to him, as if it is all my fault. It's a very frustrating spot to find yourself!

The best that you can do is just be friendly and cordial and do your part, and keeping her as an acquaintance is the best advice. What she is doing is a form of playing emotional games, which is childish and immature. Don't take it personally; do what you can with it, and hopefully she works the issue out on her end. That's about all you can do.

 

[leyton71]

I have basically been leaving her alone. If she says anything I keep it simple and polite. Thing is a person like this I would have just be done with them all together, but with her being my bf's sister its hard to get her out of my life completely!! She is everywhere my phone, comp our xbox. I cant get away from her!! GRRR

 

[danstelter]

Yes, I understand that too-this guy that I live with is always home and in the way it seems, and it's incredibly frustrating because I would like nothing more than to strangle him some days. And it sucks because there is nothing that I can do about it, but fortunately I move out in a few months. So, until then, things will just have to be annoying. Just be sure to vent appropriately and don't take your frustrations out on this friend because that will only cause more problems. Like you say, I would be done with it too, but I am stuck, just like you are. Be assertive and stand up for yourself when necessary, but do nothing to provoke the anger of this person. Good luck and hang in there!

 

[tommydog]

Its a tough one with people who you are "stuck with" for want of a better term. It sounds like what your doing now is the best, keep it simple, be polite, and leave it at that.