finally getting help

[Blink]

After keeping things to myself for so long, I've finally told my parents that I think I have SA. I've always recognized that I've had a problem, but only in recent months have I known about SA. My parents don't really understand it though and it's hard for me to explain it to other people. I'm just kind of scared and nervous to go to a doctor now. I feel sort of ashamed that I might have SA. I know it's stupid to feel that way but I can't help being embarrassed about it. I still don't know how to talk to people about it.

 

[Chilling__Echo]

hi blink! yeah, this can be very tough b/c alot of people still don't believe it's really an illness. my bf was forced to tell his parents about my SA b/c after 3 yrs of us dating they were convinced that i was using him b/c i wouldn't do things like kiss him in public (what parents WANT their kids to do that??) or just would be very quiet and on edge at family get togethers. of course they though it was BS. it hurt alot b/c i've been literally a part of that family for years and for them to completely turn on me like that, it was devistating. but of course i had to go on like nothing happened b/c that whole convo went on behind closed doors.

don't feel ashamed. all the things that triggered you to think that something was wrong and diagnose yourself (and i recomend you see a doc!) that you felt were too irrational to be normal aren't your fault. there's nothing to be ashamed of, espcially since there are thousands of others feeling the same thing you do!

the only thing you can do is decide how you deal with it. but ofcourse, that's up to you. however just suffering from it is nothing you can control. have your parents seen any information on it? possibly find some posts or experiences online

i highly recomend you see a doctor, especially if you are keeping things to yourself. it's not easy to combat this by yourself! maybe even bring your parents along if it isn't too personal? hearing it from a professional might help b/c support from your parents is important too. good luck

 

[WalkOnCobblestoneCurfews]

Chilling_Echo. I don't have any form a social phobias but I was also put into the same situation as your boy friend. I personally don't know weather this anxiety disorder or what ever is for real but I see how it scares my girl friend from time to time. I am hear to learn more so that I can fully understand her world. If everyone has been waiting to see someone from normal land start to take this serious then It's happened. Guys fill me in.

 

[Danfalc]

WalkOnCobblestoneCurfews

First this anxiety is defo for real (sadly)
2nd what do you want to be filled in on?

 

[Chilling__Echo]

hi there WalkOnCobblestoneCurfews,

first of all you sound like a really awesome bf if even in doubt you're willing to go an extra step to understand what your gf's going through. I'm not sure how bad it may affect your g/f but i assure you, it wouldn't be called a dissorder if it was something we could all help and easily deal with.

feel free to hang around and kudos to you for coming to the site with an open mind. i won't give you my whole life story, you've already seen how it's affected me in the past and there's plenty of info on the site.

but out of curiousity, how similar the situation if i may ask? it would be nice to also see the other side of the story. take care

 

[WalkOnCobblestoneCurfews]

like all big deal personal problems this was a big secret between me and my gf. I was put into a situation where i could saverly dissapoint my parent or I could break the secret. My gf is one of the family and I figured my best choice is to make it a family secret. I payed dearly for my tendancy to play hero to both sides. She is over it now (maybe lol).

I guess what I need to know is how deal with the constant wear on my soal. I miss my friends and my time is very limited. I constantly my sacrafice for my gf but find myself wanting to hang out with my band and friends. I want her to be there but there is alot that can and has before gone wrong. I can't explain to my probable understanding friends b/c of the secret. The other Night I hung out with some friends with out her knowing. I felt bad and felt even worse when my friends asked if me and my gf were ok. I couldn't even tell them what was up. Any comints are welcome.

 

[Chilling__Echo]

ah, pretty much exactly the same. it deffinately takes a toll on the relationship, there was a time when we did break up just because he needed to sort of get up on his feet again b/c he'd begun to realize how much anxiety was in my everyday life. he had been patient for so long and he just needed a break. now we're back together (and of course there was a lot more to it than that) and it took me showing him how the anxiety affected me. it should be her job to let you know what she does and doesn't feel comfortable with. but going off of what you wrote, i guess you already know that.

it also takes me being ok with my bf going out without me. he's also in a band and he had to spend alot of time away from me b/c he works all the time and i didn't want to go to the practice (not b/c of the anxiety, i'm relatively ok around some of his friends. more i would probably get bored). but even if it's not band practice, he'll go out to parties and if i don't want to go i just stay home. his friends just take me as quiet. it works out b/c while he's being sensitive to my needs, i understand that he has needs too. like hanging out with his friends.

it deffinately takes the right person to be with someone with SA but i think that goes for any type of person. otherwise we'd all marry the first person we date. and i understand what you mean by having to play hero on both sides. it really isn't fair the position you were put into. but it also isn't anyone's fault so i can understand it was frustrating and don't blame you for telling your parents. i probably would have done the same. all i can tell you is to have alot of patience and make sure she's talking to you. she should also give you and your friends time together. good luck and hope that helped