Anonymous
Well-known member
blubs said:LittleMissScareAll said:I always feel unwelcome and like people don't like me...even if people seem nice to me I always think they're just faking it and that they're really thinking "I hate her!"...actually I know for a fact that alot of people don't like me.
I used to think along the lines that SA was a problem mostly in my own mind..that I was reading negative things into other peoples words & actions..& I had to work on ignoring these negative thoughts & realise it was all in my head.
I used to read comments like the above by lil'miss & think it was just SA talking.
But recently I had an experience where I had to deal with a group of new people...& I could hear them talking about me all the time...& whereas I thought people might not think anything about me either way because I don't interact much........I was soooooooooooo wrong & I found out people actually HATED me...said as much & called me an ugly evil bitch....among Lots of other things.
So now I think its not all in my own mind...I'm not misreading other people...people are quite often nasty & do pick on the weak.
Its knocked my confidence even further down...but I'm trying to get over it by thinking... I don't have to change my mindset.....I just have to toughen up.
Hi Blubs,
My thoughts are that your SA isn't so much about you reading and anticipating negative evaluation and rejection -so much as your need to be accepted by others. You rely upon others accepting you in order to know you are worthwhile. So whether it is that you worry and are anticipating the worst first to then get negative receptions from others, or whether it is just that others call you names and reject you for no reason -I am thinking that your SA is all about needing others to approve of you. THat Who you are is ALL about what others think. That you give them all the power in judging who you are and whether you are worthwhile. And instead you should do your best to approve of your self, so that even when people receive you negatively you will not be phased by them -maybe they are the ones more desrving of bad names and insults! ...what gives people the right to talk about you in front of you?
So, my thoughts are that it all comes down to your need to have people validate you. That what people say and seem to think about you is somehow what you think is the truth of you (...this, I suggest, is a result of having a highly sensitive personality that reacts more to people and their situation. )
But one example that I can give: I used to get nervous standing in line at the cash register and so self-concious and nervous that I struggled to shake this off. But one day I got some insight and I told my self: I will accept my self as shy and nervous so that it doesn't matter whether people ridicule or reject me; because even if they do I'll keep some part of myself for myself. And I'll accept that I am shy and nervous that way I don't feel so reliant upon people to accept me and not reject me. I won't need them to do this so much. And it helped me feel more calm and I was less nervous and anxious and instead perhaps just a little shy.
....anyhow, I say all of that with full knowledge that it is just the start and that I have a fair way to go yet.