xtina_fan81
Well-known member
I recently turned 20, and hate it. Maybe I would anyway even if my SA didnt exist, but I was dreading it when I knew it was approaching, and since my birthday ive just sunk right down.
I think while as long i was still a teenger, I was thinking I still had time to makeup for what I havent done; lack of social life, not having experiences "normal" teenagers quite normally have, but now Im not a teenager anymore, its like thats a whole chapter of my life that im never getting back and what did I get out of it? sweet f-all. its like its completely over. i didnt like turning 19 but thought hey still got a year things might change, ive still got time to make it up. I have become extremely angry about the fact that I havent got the chance to be what and who I want to be, and its getting worse as I get older cause every week and day that goes past is another opportunity lost, and when people tell me to cheer up and think positive its just really like, who are you to tell me that? have you been in my position? they cant tell me to do something when in a situation they havent been in before, i just dont accept it. I feel like the longer it goes on the harder its getting to start. Im also active on facebook on myspace which makes it 10x worse seeing everything going on, i just cant bring myself to get rid of my accounts. Im becoming more and more fixated on my past and whats happened, or more what HASNT happened. Although I worry about my future, im more confident that i can get sorted than i used to be. Now ive become more depressed about the past and i dont want to get into that, itll mess me up and hinder my recovery big time. Everytime I have a little moment where I feel like imjust gna get on with it and move on, i get those thoughts of everyone else and everything ive wanted to have and it gets me so annoyed i just go back to square one again.
I think while as long i was still a teenger, I was thinking I still had time to makeup for what I havent done; lack of social life, not having experiences "normal" teenagers quite normally have, but now Im not a teenager anymore, its like thats a whole chapter of my life that im never getting back and what did I get out of it? sweet f-all. its like its completely over. i didnt like turning 19 but thought hey still got a year things might change, ive still got time to make it up. I have become extremely angry about the fact that I havent got the chance to be what and who I want to be, and its getting worse as I get older cause every week and day that goes past is another opportunity lost, and when people tell me to cheer up and think positive its just really like, who are you to tell me that? have you been in my position? they cant tell me to do something when in a situation they havent been in before, i just dont accept it. I feel like the longer it goes on the harder its getting to start. Im also active on facebook on myspace which makes it 10x worse seeing everything going on, i just cant bring myself to get rid of my accounts. Im becoming more and more fixated on my past and whats happened, or more what HASNT happened. Although I worry about my future, im more confident that i can get sorted than i used to be. Now ive become more depressed about the past and i dont want to get into that, itll mess me up and hinder my recovery big time. Everytime I have a little moment where I feel like imjust gna get on with it and move on, i get those thoughts of everyone else and everything ive wanted to have and it gets me so annoyed i just go back to square one again.
