Feeling like an idiot

[Porcupine]

I went to my aunt's funeral and burial today.

I keep myself secluded most of the time to avoid anxiety, but today I had to interact with people, and I feel like I came across as an idiot.

I skirted around the perimeter of groups. I never started interaction with anyone, I only talked if spoken to.

I stayed close to my brother most of the time. I let him do the talking.

I still live with my parents, and questions about my parents were answered by my brother, who lives an hour's drive away.

When people asked me questions, I found myself groping for words. I stammered a lot. I could barely express myself. I think I must have come across as mentally defective.

I felt uncomfortable the whole time I was there. I wanted to talk to my cousin (who lost his mother) but couldn't find anything meaningful to say.

It sucked in a lot of ways.

Anyway, I'm not seeking any advice about this. I know that anxiety caused my brain to freeze, and that it is counter-productive to hide from everyone all the time because it makes situations like this worse. I guess I just wanted to moan about my experience today to someone.

 

[Death Rider]

You looked like you were deeply touched by your aunts' death :>

 

[***deleted***]

I'm sorry about your aunt.

try not to dwell upon acting anxious, usually at funerals people are so emotional they don't remember what went on anyway.

 

[Darryl]

When we have to much time on your own our mind works overtime.

You have analyised the whole day, now you need to convince yourself to stop over thinking situations.

You have the cover of being clearly touched by your Aunt's passing (Like Death Rider metioned).

I know it's going to be hard to move the mind on from "feeling like an idiot", so I suggest that you see it as a typical SA trait and this feeling is part and parcel of the Social Anxiety.

The more you can learn about SA, the understanding will allow you to get through most issues, building up your theshold.

Darryl

 

[bigcat1967]

I think that the people you talked too - IF they detected your stammering and nervousness - probably thought you were effected by your Aunt's death.

When we view our nervousness or stammering - it isn't as bad as what people see.

 

[Haruhiist]

Don't be so hard for yourself. Everyone's having a hard time. Nobody's blaming you anything. Yes, you're might be awkward, but if I met someone who's awkward, I wouldn't blame him anything. It's not his fault.

Stop judging yourself!