IDK94657
Well-known member
If I jump around a little, please excuse me. I'm trying to type this as I'm very upset, frustrated, etc.
All of my life I have been very indecisive, and all of my life I have felt alone. After I got a job I thought that it had gotten better, and it seemed to be for quite some time. But then I'd hear a comment or two, and things would begin tumbling downhill. I would over-think on everything I had heard, until the point that I would practically be in tears, or furious to the point where I just had to get away.
And I learned this fact: I don't fit in. People in general seem to be on one end of a spectrum. They want to either be jerks and inconsiderate, or don't want to acknowledge my existence with a decent response. You can probably guess which ones I'm 'friends' with. And it's a huge problem.
At work one day, one of my 'friends' kept pushing my buttons. I got so fed up with it that I was ready to leave, at which point they finally realize that I was upset and decided to finally back off. My anger level didn't really affect me, at least not in an outward manner, until it peaked.
So I'm left to deal with people like this, because generally I don't expect much of people, and they seem to be the only ones that will recognize me. Even though I crave to be alone, I can't help but want to feel wanted. It's a specific balance, and one people seem to oversee.
But on the other end, there are people who don't even recognize I'm there. Like I'm a body to push out of the way so they can reach their destination. And it leaves me feeling like I have this miserable existence for only one reason: to be background noise for all of these jerks.
I hate to be a hermit so to speak, but it ends up feeling true. I don't see someone knock a drink over and poke fun. I try to help them as best I can, or look the other way so maybe they don't feel as bad as I would in the situation. But I guess that's where it ends up getting me: alone, and nothing but another face.
TL;DR: I don't fit in, and it's causing me a lot of pain. I feel like I'll end up this way, and be alone forever.
Thanks in advance.
All of my life I have been very indecisive, and all of my life I have felt alone. After I got a job I thought that it had gotten better, and it seemed to be for quite some time. But then I'd hear a comment or two, and things would begin tumbling downhill. I would over-think on everything I had heard, until the point that I would practically be in tears, or furious to the point where I just had to get away.
And I learned this fact: I don't fit in. People in general seem to be on one end of a spectrum. They want to either be jerks and inconsiderate, or don't want to acknowledge my existence with a decent response. You can probably guess which ones I'm 'friends' with. And it's a huge problem.
At work one day, one of my 'friends' kept pushing my buttons. I got so fed up with it that I was ready to leave, at which point they finally realize that I was upset and decided to finally back off. My anger level didn't really affect me, at least not in an outward manner, until it peaked.
So I'm left to deal with people like this, because generally I don't expect much of people, and they seem to be the only ones that will recognize me. Even though I crave to be alone, I can't help but want to feel wanted. It's a specific balance, and one people seem to oversee.
But on the other end, there are people who don't even recognize I'm there. Like I'm a body to push out of the way so they can reach their destination. And it leaves me feeling like I have this miserable existence for only one reason: to be background noise for all of these jerks.
I hate to be a hermit so to speak, but it ends up feeling true. I don't see someone knock a drink over and poke fun. I try to help them as best I can, or look the other way so maybe they don't feel as bad as I would in the situation. But I guess that's where it ends up getting me: alone, and nothing but another face.
TL;DR: I don't fit in, and it's causing me a lot of pain. I feel like I'll end up this way, and be alone forever.
Thanks in advance.
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