Fear of kissing + other OCD issues?

M

MessyDreamer

Member
I'm not sure if this is OCD or not. I've tried talking about it before... I've tried talking to a therapist about what I think might be OCD, but he didn't seem to take it very seriously because I guess I wasn't able to express what I was really going through. I'm rambling... sorry.

I have a lot of germ issues and things that might be OCD, but I want to talk about here is the fear of kissing.
Hm, I can be really into someone or even love them, but when I'm about to kiss them... I just freak out. Or I kiss them, but after that I'm like, "What if I got a disease? I'm NEVER kissing ANYONE again." And then I want to erase the kiss from my head and I wish I could turn back time. What if I get a germ or even HIV or any serious disease because of a KISS?
I broke up with my ex-girlfriend because of that and other issues, but mainly because of that. I really love her and I want to make things right with her, but I just can't. She's been very supportive and she wants me to open up to her and tell her what my issues are... why I can't be with her... but I don't know how to tell her. Won't it hurt her? Like, "are you grossed out by me?!" I don't know.

I've only kissed two people in my life... in a way, because I'm very romantic, but mostly because of my OCD or whatever that is. I think I only managed to kiss the first girl because I was really in love, like, crazy in love... it was pure passion... it was insane. Like a disease. I was in some state of... IDK, I wasn't myself.
And with this last girl that I really love... I only managed to kiss her on the lips, no tongue, and I felt really depressed and disgusted with myself after that. I even had to wash my lips with soap when I got home... I thought that maybe, if I washed it, I'd get rid of her germs... and it would be like the kiss never happened. Part of me wanted to forget that kiss ever happened, but the other part of me really wanted (and still wants) it to go away.

Before we kissed, I'd pay attention to her actions... for instance, we she was drinking coffee with a straw, and she kept touching the bottom of it... the same part that was touching her lips/mouth as she drank it. And I kept thinking, "SHE JUST TOUCHED THE MONEY TO BUY IT AND NOW SHE'S PUTTING HER FINGERS IN THE STRAW... AND THE GERMS ARE GOING RIGHT INTO HER MOUTH... IS SHE CRAZY OR WHAT?" I have the same kind of thought everyday, with different people and situations. For instance, yesterday a girl in my class asked to borrow a pain, and I got really pissed (of course I didn't let it show though) because... what if she didn't wash her hands? "She saw me with the pen. I can't tell her I won't let her borrow it. But if she didn't wash her hands, when I put it back in my backpack, the whole pocket will be contaminated. And my hands, too."

The other day my dad touched his nose and held the remote (ew, gross... yeah). The next day, I'd hold the remote with a paper to change the channel so that I wouldn't touch it...

There are days I don't even know what to eat and I give up on eating things I want to eat or eat at all at that moment because it's like I can't grab any germ-free food. Like... I take the bread off the sack, but it touches that part that's sort of open (I don't know how to explain it), and I'm like, "What if there are germs in it?" Or I touch the sack, hold the bread, and I start wondering how clean the sack is... and I give up on eating it.
It's the same drama when my mom's hair is in the food. Or when I watch her cook, no matter how clean she is. No one is ever clean enough when it comes to food.
Or I'm eating bread or something else and my hand slightly touches it, and I don't think my hand is really clean because I touched the sack of bread after washing my hands or something... so I cut the part of the breath off... or I just throw it all out.
Don't even get me started on eating out... when I start to think about it...

There are days it gets worse. There are days I manage to control it. But everyday I have those thoughts. The more "depressed" I am, the worst it gets. And the happier I am, the better it gets.
Is it OCD? Can anyone here relate? And how do I fix myself?

Thanks...
 
fmulmt217

fmulmt217

Member
You certainly sound like you need to talk to someone. You could have any number of issues. A lot of symptoms seem like OCD on paper but end up being something else entirely. There are thousands upon thousands of mental health disorders. Really only a qualified professional can give you a diagnosis.

That said, it doesn't sound like this is a problem that you can "fix" yourself. If it were that easy, you wouldn't be suffering like you are now. It's very important that you go back to the doctor and talk to them again. If you feel like the one you saw didn't listen to you, find a different one. If it helps, write down all of your issues so you won't forget when you go to the appointment.
 
J

jrm

Member
Hey man, it sounds like you need to see a different therapist or you need to express your self better - in which case I highly recommend writing down what you wish to convey and have the therapist read it. It is hard to diagnose online but here are the actual criteria used by doctors to diagnose the condition:

A. The Person Exhibits Either Obsessions or Compulsions...
Obsessions are indicated by the following:
The person has recurrent and persistent thoughts, impulses, or images that are experienced, at some time during the disturbance, as intrusive and inappropriate and that cause marked anxiety or distress
The thoughts, impulses, or images are not simply excessive worries about real-life problems
The person attempts to ignore or suppress such thoughts, impulses, or images or to neutralize them with some other thought or action
The person recognizes that the obsessional thoughts, impulses, or images are a product of his or her own mind (not imposed from without as in thought insertion)
Compulsions are indicated by the following:
The person has repetitive behaviors (eg, hand washing, ordering, checking) or mental acts (eg, praying, counting, repeating words silently) that the person feels driven to perform in response to an obsession or according to rules that must be applied rigidly
The behaviors or mental acts are aimed at preventing some dreaded event or situation; however, these behaviors or mental acts either are not connected in a realistic way with what they are designed to neutralize or prevent or are clearly excessive.

B. At some point during the course of the disorder, the person has recognized that the obsessions or compulsions are excessive or unreasonable. (Note: this does not apply to children.)
C. The obsessions or compulsions cause marked distress, are time consuming (take more than 1 hour a day), or significantly interfere with the person's normal routine, occupational/academic functioning, or usual social activities or relationships.
D. If another axis I disorder is present, the content of the obsessions or compulsions is not restricted to it (e.g., preoccupation with drugs in the presence of a substance abuse disorder).
E. The disturbance is not due to the direct physiologic effects of a substance (e.g., drug abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition.

Based on what you have said I can surmise you have OCD IF you recognize that your thoughts are not normal

Are you able to logically reason that your fear of germs is not reasonable?
If so you have OCD, if not you may also have OCD but also perhaps comorbidity causing dillusional though processes.

Let me know, I am eager to try and help!
 
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fudgy

fudgy

1
If you haven't got ocd mate then I run a brothel outside Buckingham palace !

10 years ago I couldn't go in a doctors surgery , the chemist or a hospital . at first I just felt uncomfortable, that progressed into sheer panic once inside , then outside , then on the walk there . Then the clothes washing started to rid myself of the germs , then the washer felt like it was contaminated because the clothes had been in , that progressed into my face and hair so I would shower , that progressed into the shower then been contaminated as well , that triggered cleaning spells that left me with no skin on my hands and me on my knees sobbing out of pure mental exhaustion at the pure frustration of being this way.

In the end I had cognitive therapy in the car park ! I do not do any of the above any more and never will.

can you see how it escalates , one road leads to another.

You need help.

the end
 
Meisiemel

Meisiemel

Well-known member
I'm very similar. I disinfect remotes and phones before using them, also washing lines.I use my elbow for light switches(like Niles in Frasier), I have my own dishes & utensils coz I can't bear to use the same ones my family have touched. I wash my dishes in a separate sink from their dishes, I can't stand to touch pens that have been touched by my mother because she sometimes puts them in her mouth, the list goes on & on. I have disinfectiing rituals for just about everything. When I bring groceries home I wash the outside of cartons, tubs, cans. I disinfect all vegetables by soaking in a chlorine solution, I scrub fruit with dishwashing soap - even bananas before peeling them. I discard outer packaging like cereal boxes to not put germs from them into my kitchen cupboards.I wash my hands after touching every little contaminated or possibly contaminated thing.
If someone shakes my hand I can't wait to wash it. If I put some money loose in a pocket, I can't put anything else into that pocket even after the money is out - like if I put my keys in that same pocket later without the jacket first being washed, I would have to wash the keys after they'd touched the same pocket that the money had touched.(Everyone knows money is filthy.)
I carry disinfectant wetwipes wherever I go.
I use a tissue to press elevator buttons.
I would rather starve to death than ever eat out. I don't trust people when it comes to hygiene.
If I've taken public transport I'll change clothes as soon as I get home because I feel the seat was contaminated.
But I don't see any of this as a problem.I don't feel the need to change because I think my concerns are legitimate.
Kissing is revolting to me. I always wash my mouth with soap afterward.
 
fudgy

fudgy

1
I'm very similar. I disinfect remotes and phones before using them, also washing lines.I use my elbow for light switches(like Niles in Frasier), I have my own dishes & utensils coz I can't bear to use the same ones my family have touched. I wash my dishes in a separate sink from their dishes, I can't stand to touch pens that have been touched by my mother because she sometimes puts them in her mouth, the list goes on & on. I have disinfectiing rituals for just about everything. When I bring groceries home I wash the outside of cartons, tubs, cans. I disinfect all vegetables by soaking in a chlorine solution, I scrub fruit with dishwashing soap - even bananas before peeling them. I discard outer packaging like cereal boxes to not put germs from them into my kitchen cupboards.I wash my hands after touching every little contaminated or possibly contaminated thing.
If someone shakes my hand I can't wait to wash it. If I put some money loose in a pocket, I can't put anything else into that pocket even after the money is out - like if I put my keys in that same pocket later without the jacket first being washed, I would have to wash the keys after they'd touched the same pocket that the money had touched.(Everyone knows money is filthy.)
I carry disinfectant wetwipes wherever I go.
I use a tissue to press elevator buttons.
I would rather starve to death than ever eat out. I don't trust people when it comes to hygiene.
If I've taken public transport I'll change clothes as soon as I get home because I feel the seat was contaminated.
Click to expand...

Meisiemel I am not picking on you , but you wrote that ^^^^^^

then ended it with this

But I don't see any of this as a problem.I don't feel the need to change because I think my concerns are legitimate.
Click to expand...

come on my friend ..there is nothing ok about any of that and you have raging ocd !!!!


messy dreamer please seek help because this..

Kissing is revolting to me. I always wash my mouth with soap afterward.
Click to expand...

and this

Dont kiss anyone until you are ready. Problem solved.
Click to expand...

will normalise your ocd in your head , kissing is a natural , wonderful start to most relationships and its so very intimate its a shame to see the act of kissing talked about in a germ filled crazy ocd way.
 
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