eye contact-arghhhhhhh!!!

[Anonymous]

when im with people my age its ok. with my friends its fiine. but when ive got a one to one with a teacher or when im walking along a crowded street its really really bad. im constantly thinking 'where shall i look where shall i look'' with teachers its so bad they stare at your eyes and i cant stare right back so close and be like '';yeah sure'' lol when im walking outside past a group of people without realisng i dont blink and im worried about where to look and my eyes start to water, then it looks like im crying and i think they think im crying!!!arghhh its a disaster!! anyone got any tips to help id be muy grateful xxx

 

[tommydog]

i used to struggle with this alot .. and all it is .. its just pack and parcel of sp .. you will improve with it when you improve with sp in general and learn to become more relaxed.

i would recomend that you dont focus on it as an issue .. because the whole practicing eye contact and this kinda thing .. its not gonna help, dont stress yourself out for nothing. dont think about it.

i used to not be able to hold eye contact with anyone at all it used to make me soooo uncomfortable .. now its just a total non issue i can do the whole kickboxing matchup style eye contact thing in complete comfort :lol:

 

[Chilling_Echo]

i hate it when people are talking to you and they're talk for a long time explaining something to you and you're forced to look the whole time and you don't want to look away cuz then they'll think you're not listening and get hostile

 

[applesewer]

Hi guest,

I find it hard to look people in the eye too. My solution is to just not bother. I don’t think making eye contact with people is so important…unless you’re planning on getting a job as a social worker, or policeman or politician or something. Otherwise I just say whatever needs to be said and as long as I show that I’m listening and I’m not blatantly staring into space or anything, then that’s all that matters really. I think you can prove you’re trustworthy through your actions much better than how intensely you can stare at someone.

I think occasionally eye contact can be important if the emotional weight of a conversation is quite heavy…i.e. if someone’s got a big problem or if you get intimate with a person, but I find that the passion outweighs the fear in those situations.

 

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I try not to force my eye-contact when talking with people - I feel a bit weird when I try to maintain contact for more than a couple of seconds - I blush and go a bit dizzy - so I just give quick glances at appropriate moments so that it doesn't look like I'm completely avoiding looking them in the eye, but I tend to put on a facial expression like i'm really listening hard and then look into the distance.

I also sometimes get that thing where my eyes water when outside when walking past groups of people on busy streets. It's much worse in winter when it's cold as my eyes quite often go watery in a cold wind so it's kinda embarassing when tears start rolling down my cheeks...it's like I'm crying like a baby .

 

[applesewer]

lol, yea I do that look too! Or sometimes it’s a stern look to the ground coupled with a stroke of my chin, like I’m in deep thought!

 

[GettingThere]

The eye contact thing can be really tough. I find that its so much worse when I'm stressed and also that if you think about it when in eye contact mode, you are more likely to have problems. As had been said, looking away and putting on a face that says "I'm concentrating on what you are saying" is sometimes the only way to go.

 

[LilMissTragic]

I've heard a lot about NOT trying to make eye contact but I have noticed that sometimes I give too much direct eye contact. Sounds odd but sometimes I'm concentrating so hard on what i'm trying to say that I stare intently at thier eyes and I think it kinda scares people. They often turn away or avert thier eyes and seem to want to get away quickly. Sometimes I don't even realise I'm doing it.

 

[avid_merrion]

I am the exact same lilmiss i think my eyes freak people out .

 

[pitkreet]

I stare intently at thier eyes and I think it kinda scares people. They often turn away or avert thier eyes and seem to want to get away quickly. Sometimes I don't even realise I'm doing it.

Well, to be honest, I can understand why they want to get away quickly if you're pulling this face...

 

[LilMissTragic]

Hey, thats my normal look...lmao

 

[nedkelly]

yes..eye contact, so nerve racking.
I hate when people take, non eye contact as though your untrustworthy..something to hide etc.

 

[Shadow]

Yeah I struggle with making eye contact with people. Before I started getting treatment I couldn't make eye contact at all. I'm much better now but it's still an issue. I find that focusing on their mouth or some other part of their face helps a lot. Looking directly into their eyes for more than a couple of seconds makes me very uncomfortable.

 

[nickii]

eye contact

don't worry I am EXACTLY the same. I HATE having to make eye contact with someone and I avoid it also - and it's really hard for me as working as a legal sec. my boss is trying to explain something to me or is asking me to do something and I am just thinking in my head OKAY HURRY UP ALREADY! I hate eye contact because I feel like they can read my mind or something.

 

[Anonymous]

eye contact

I'm trying to overcome everything one step at a time, but i'm having touble with the eye-contact thing. It's just so hard. I try to hold as much as possible, but it makes me sooo self-conscious. I tell you about the latest example. I went to the gym the other day with a friend of a friend (so basically, we're not that close) and he was talking most of the time about his business and wife and shit like, all the time making intense eye contact, it made me so uncomfortable. And i ofcourse, am at the stage of trying to beat it, so i held on to his eyes as long as i could, but i kept my attention on the whole thing the whole time, i coulnt really listen to him cuz i was so focused. and i began to picture how i look, do i look psychotic? Does it look like im staring or gazing? can he tell that im trying really hard to hold on to eye-contact (is their a strain on my face)? But i couldnt do if for long i kept looking away, like at my gloves or pretending to be examing the beads of sweat i wiped off my forehead. And i what made it worse is he though i wasnt listening. So when i did look away, he would get closer (like that seinfeld episode with the "close-talker"), like 12 inches from my face trying to make sure he has my attention!! It made me so uncomforable, it's like how do you look away at that distance? i actually had to lean back abit, but i held the eye-contact and tried to animate my face as to show that i was "natural" wth the whole eye-contact thing, but i dont think it worked because i felt my grin start to twitch. WTF! I was about to break off in his conversation and tell him " no offence, but i have issues with eye-contact, so don't think im not listening when i look away, it's not like that at all". But i didnt say it, because that would just make 2 people conscious of conversing, and it would just get awkward. That's just one example. there's more and it's just an ungoing battle. The eyes show strength and weakness, i don't want people to think im weak, what's the solution? I figure that when we become comfortable with ourselves and deal with our insecurities (basically having nothing to hide) eye-contact will be a lot easier. im in that phase right now... Trying to "know myself" and become acceptant of my strengths and weaknesses. When i have no fears to hide, how could i possibly look away? I'd like to know how some of you do it or deal with it. Not just like " i try not to think about it, because if it was in issue it's hard not to think about it... I want to know what you tell yourself in order to be able to hold eye-contact casually.