everything

[blackhole]

is wrong with me.

im smart. but i dont come across as smart, because i end up saying stupid things. i go blank.

i cant form proper relationships or open up to anyone.

my parents dont understand.

i feel ill and tired all the time.

i have a sense of humour, but cannot smile.

people think im moody, which i guess i am

severe depression.

i hate parties

i hate people asking me about myself

i hate people younger than me doing things i shouldve done at their age. it makes me feel horrible.



saying this, ive never had any help before. i dont know hwere to start, and i dont wanna take any drugs.

this thing creeps up on me every now and again. i think i can get over it, but i cannot.


im not looking forward to my future.

 

[shut_out_of_life]

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Vancouver]

All of us socially anxious people misrepresent ourselves. That's a fact - that at one point or another, it's just something we've done. Maybe even repeatedly. But why beat yourself up over it? Chances are, nobody actually thinks you're retarded. You just probably never opened up, so consequently, in return they never felt the need to open up to you.

Now, I just laugh about being 'stupid'. Of course I'm not stupid, but if I ever stutter in conversation or make a fool of myself, now I just admit it and get over it. And this is something EVERYBODY does. Like it or not, it's just us, the socially anxious that can't let the shit go. If you just admit your faults and laugh at yourself openly with others, you won't feel any tension. Of course everybody wants to be liked and sorta 'look good' socially, but everybody falls down sometimes.

Facing the reality of the matter is the best method of healing. I know from trial, error, trial, error, error, error, and more error. Be realistic - who has to live with you for the rest of your life? Who can take charge of how you feel? Who should you make absolute peace and come to terms with. You. If you don't, you'll constantly look toward somebody, something, or some PLACE, even, to do it for you. And what if that something, someone, or place isn't around - you begin to feel low.

Hell, what am I posting this shit for anyway, right? I guess I have a desire to help where I can. To give advice for my error, in hopes somebody can benefit from it.

However, thanks to this site I've learned something rather interesting - shyness and anxiety and fears are all choices. Choices to be overpowered rather than empowered. To be dominated rather than to dominate. To play the victim instead of facing the cold reality that it's partly your fault. The same 'cold' reality that you can fix EVERYTHING about it as long as you accept the blame.

A) Nothing is wrong with you. Nobody hates you. You might, but nobody else does. The real issue is within you, weather you want to believe so or not

B) Get over it. Don't dwell. Take action... or don't. Like I said, it's a choice.


It's pointless for me to say any of this, but I said it anyway. Just to throw it out there. Take it or leave it. I'm OUTTA here.

Peace and love to everyone on this site... it's been fun.