Soulspectre
Active member
Hey everyone,
I haven't started a thread on one of these boards in years. Honestly I don't even know how to start this off. I've come a long way in the past few years when it comes to my social anxiety. Over the course of time i've learned to be much more confident in myself and much more outspoken. Any one looking at me or to initially meet me would never even dream that I suffered from social anxiety. I'm probably one of those guys that most of us hate because they just seem to have everything together and are so confident. I mean I don't think i'm as socially anxious as I used to be, i'm actually relatively comfortable talking to people now and i'm pretty smooth when it comes to talking to women to be honest. I know my strengths and weaknesses and I guess after dealing with it for so long you just find ways to manage it. The problem is that I never actually feel authentic with people. Everything is kind of a game to me. Relationships with people seem like nothing more than points in this little scoring system i've developed. Ways to prove to myself that I'm the outgoing, funny person that I've always wanted to be. It's sad because I never feel like I actually connect with anyone or let my full and honest opinion be known. That's not to say that I don't connect with anyone, it's just most of the time I feel as if I'm reading from a script in a movie and as long as it follows the script, well, things really can't be that bad. I just feel as if i'm losing myself, nothing in my life seems real anymore. Relationships with people are just a scene or a marker for a successful social life. I never actually do anything that's actually from my heart, it seems that I just act out to make sure that they see me the way that I want them to see me. I'm losing any trace of the person that I am, and I'm wearing myself thin. I've lost all motivation to carry out anything in my life (School, work, hobbies, etc.) nothing just seems worth it anymore, and as much as I want to feel dedicated to something I'm not. I feel like i've lost all passion in everything and my main focus in life has been conquering this crippling, sad, annoying, bothersome, hateful disorder called Social Anxiety. While i've found ways to deal with it, it's taking up all of my energy and exhausting me to the point where I'm just numb and depressed all of the time. I want to just break this and start getting my life back on track but I just can't do it as hard as I really do try. Just throwing this out there hoping someone can relate to this or if I really am losing my damn mind.
I haven't started a thread on one of these boards in years. Honestly I don't even know how to start this off. I've come a long way in the past few years when it comes to my social anxiety. Over the course of time i've learned to be much more confident in myself and much more outspoken. Any one looking at me or to initially meet me would never even dream that I suffered from social anxiety. I'm probably one of those guys that most of us hate because they just seem to have everything together and are so confident. I mean I don't think i'm as socially anxious as I used to be, i'm actually relatively comfortable talking to people now and i'm pretty smooth when it comes to talking to women to be honest. I know my strengths and weaknesses and I guess after dealing with it for so long you just find ways to manage it. The problem is that I never actually feel authentic with people. Everything is kind of a game to me. Relationships with people seem like nothing more than points in this little scoring system i've developed. Ways to prove to myself that I'm the outgoing, funny person that I've always wanted to be. It's sad because I never feel like I actually connect with anyone or let my full and honest opinion be known. That's not to say that I don't connect with anyone, it's just most of the time I feel as if I'm reading from a script in a movie and as long as it follows the script, well, things really can't be that bad. I just feel as if i'm losing myself, nothing in my life seems real anymore. Relationships with people are just a scene or a marker for a successful social life. I never actually do anything that's actually from my heart, it seems that I just act out to make sure that they see me the way that I want them to see me. I'm losing any trace of the person that I am, and I'm wearing myself thin. I've lost all motivation to carry out anything in my life (School, work, hobbies, etc.) nothing just seems worth it anymore, and as much as I want to feel dedicated to something I'm not. I feel like i've lost all passion in everything and my main focus in life has been conquering this crippling, sad, annoying, bothersome, hateful disorder called Social Anxiety. While i've found ways to deal with it, it's taking up all of my energy and exhausting me to the point where I'm just numb and depressed all of the time. I want to just break this and start getting my life back on track but I just can't do it as hard as I really do try. Just throwing this out there hoping someone can relate to this or if I really am losing my damn mind.