Ever get that feeling that you don't belong anywhere?

[Spike Lee]

I used to feel like I didn't belong anywhere until I finally reasoned within myself that I had just as much right to belong as the next person did.


Oh, and Spike, it's good to see you back There was something I wanted to ask you about when I came across an interesting post of yours, but I couldn't ask you 'cause you were banned and now I've forgotten what it was I wanted to ask. Darn :/

blame the dictators

 

[Lonelywoman]

yes!!


and getting banned from this place of ALL places didn't help much neither ...lol


:/

haha thats funny, spike

 

[Luthien]

It's really hard for me because I've always been very different and strange. Part of me is extremely proud of this, I have no desire to "fit in with society" and I do everything in my power to live the way I want to live and make it work.

The problem with this is that I'm still really insecure so I am second guessing myself all the time and worrying about not being "cool" or accepted or whatever. I was thinking about this the other day as it applies to music. I have a very different taste in music than most people. I don't listen to pop or radio at all. If some random person heard my music (which I am CONSTANTLY thinking about when my music is loud) I think that I want them to be impressed and think "what is that? I've never heard anything like it!" I want to be this person who exposes others to something new. But if the person said, "that music is awful!" It wouldn't make me stop liking it unless they were someone I thought highly of, then I would be constantly worrying whether or not the music was actually bad. I don't know, I guess I don't really care about the opinions of strangers, but at the same time I do because I worry what they think of me when I'm out on the street! It's all so contradictory, it's very confusing.

The thing is, I know I'm different. I'm very different and I always have been. I love it but it also makes me very lonely. I've spent my whole life searching for someone that I felt I could really relate to, that I could say I had a lot in common with. Someone who could be my best friend. I still haven't really found that (although my boyfriend is my best friend, we are still SO different and he doesn't really get me all the time. Plus, I need a platonic best friend, it's just not the same) But I am now trying to be my own best friend so that I can feel good about being unique and still feel understood, at least by myself.

 

[static]

all the time. i feel like there's no one like me anywhere. i feel really disconnected from everyone.

 

[SlanGodhand]

Haha i know what you mean, i never fit in anywhere.
Even at perfectly normal places like stores.
Am i the only person who- if someone is laughing when you walk by them, feels as though they are laughing at you?

 

[Luthien]

I was thinking, I imagine that most people with SA feel that they don't belong anywhere. Perhaps it's just the fear of being different, not fitting in and so feeling ostracized even when it's not happening (not that those fears aren't grounded in reality, most of us have experienced being totally ostracized in school or at home) But those thoughts can be self-perpetuating. I believe the more you focus on it, the more you see in your life. For me, personally, I don't fear being different. I don't assume people are laughing at me or don't like me right off the bat, I come to that conclusion about each person over time, when they aren't as enthusiastic about me as I am about them. But after 26 years of trying, I'm really sick of the whole process.

I am curious to know how many people feel that they don't belong, but are also a bit proud of being unique. For me I feel that people don't accept my weirdness and rather than try to fit in, I want to find people who don't mind. I have definitely found that in my life, but there's always something standing between me and true friendship... I think it's just my own mind, running in circles around itself.

 

[anomicdeer]

I really don't think I would want to meet someone "like me" but someone that I can be a true friend with.

 

[Luthien]

I really don't think I would want to meet someone "like me" but someone that I can be a true friend with.

I don't want to meet some just like me, but it'd be nice to have someone with the same interests (someone who makes similar music and/or art) and a similar way of looking at the world. Really I want someone I can be inspired by artistically and mentally and who I can in turn inspire. I have never found that.