Satine
Well-known member
I've written the folllowing for my site and would like to know whether any of you see any problems with it or any changes / additions that need to be made.
Please let me know what you think:
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How to Deal with Bullying
Bullying is an unpleasant experience to endure. It makes socialising difficult and it undermines your confidence. But it is likely that, if you are being bullied, you have fallen into a pattern of behaviour. This essay provides some insights into bullying behaviour and a solution for getting out of the cycle.
To begin with, let's take a look at the bully themselves. A particular excuse is often made for bullies: that they're jealous of you and that is why they bully. Personally I have never thought this sounds particularly true, so I'll put forward my alternative theory here.
There are two sub-types of bullies:
1. The kind who have never been stood up to, whether that is by their parents, teachers, or schoolmates. This person therefore feels it is their due to have, or do, whatever they wish.
2. The kind who have to fight for everything they get, including attention from their parents, and are therefore used to shouting as loud, pushing as hard and generally throwing their weight around as much as they can, to ensure that they're heard.
Now let's take a look at the person being bullied. Often an unassuming individual, it is usually a quiet person who becomes the target for bullying. The dynamics between these two types of people can be to the detriment of the quieter type and this is when bullying occurs.
Those who are bullied have a tendency to respond weakly, be it by keeping away from the bully, submitting to whatever abuse the bully hands out, crying, etc. When a bully sees this they will push harder. This holds true for types 1 and 2.
Bully no. 1 sees you submit to them and realise that the harder they push, the more they can get from you. It is therefore little surprise that they do so.
No. 2 just sees you as just another person in their turbulent landscape. There may be a touch of bully no. 1 inherent in this, as bully no. 2 does what he/she does to get what they consider they need. If you submit more, it is likely they will also demand more. They simply get an easier time pushing you than they do the louder people around them.
The Solution
Both bully types will target you for as long as they can get a reaction out of you. What attracts them to you is your image of weakness. Therefore, the best reaction is to fight back. We are often told to turn the other cheek, to walk away, or if we are in school, to tell a teacher, but we are all perfectly well aware that these tactics don't usually work.
Bullies also occur in adult life, so it is best for you to grow your confidence while you're still young and the consequences less serioius. Genuine confidence will stand you in good stead throughout your whole life, and bullies will target you less and less as a result.
How to Do It
The details depend on the type of bullying you endure, but the general theory remains the same. The rule of thumb is to target the ringleader. People can be weak-minded and the gaggle of friends around the ringleader are often far weaker than the ringleader him/herself, and will only remain with them for as long as they can see the ringleader's strength. So it is up to you to challenge it.
Each time you receive an attack, hit the bully back. I say this literally, in the case of physical bullying, or metaphorically, in the case of persistant text or phone messages. The same goes for verbal bullying. The point is always to hit back just as hard as you're hit.
Most bullies will back down pretty quickly when you do this. A few will resist more and carry on, but keep at it: they have only leapt the first hurdle and the more you put up for them, the more tired they'll get. Eventually, all will give up. It is only a matter of time.
The Complete Campaign
The best way to put an end to bullying once and for all is to fight back in a systematic way. What follows is a set of strict rules for this, as you are attempting to stop being bullied, not to become a bully yourself.
1. Note down all that happens, both your actions and the actions of your bully. This is for several reasons. Teachers sometimes have a habit of trying to get the person who is being bullied to quieten down just so they can have a quiet life, and a detailed record of bullying is an excellent way to show for certain what has happened. Write:
a. The date and time of the event.
b. What the bully did.
c. What you did.
d. Who was present (possible witnesses. This also tends to show up whether the bully is trying to avoid doing this in front of the teacher).
This can be helpful especially if you are being bullied by subtle means, as sometimes we can feel very undermined by the actions of another person without being able to put our finger on why we feel this way. On trying to describe this kind of treatment to others, the actions suddenly sound not at all like bullying. So an objective record is excellent in these cases for proving (to yourself as much as anybody else) that you are, indeed, being targeted.
Also, if you're anything like me, when a teacher asks you what the bully has done you instantly forget many of the important details like the above, so having a record is invaluable. I did this for the first time when I was bullied at work, and it worked so well (and was required by my boss so much) that I'm only sorry I didn't do it back in school.
Guard the book closely. If you think that your bully is likely to steal the book, try the following: write the bullying actions for the day on a slip of paper and keep the book at home. You can transcribe them into the book once you're at home and the book can't be stolen.
2. Every action that a person commits against you, commit it against them 3 times. This is for two reasons: firstly, to ensure that you fight back at the bully strongly, and secondly to ensure that you don't fight back too strongly. Again, you are not seeking to become a bully yourself, merely to deter them.
Your bully needs to know there are limits and that there are serious implications if they cross boundaries with you. So fight strongly. Punch, bite and scratch if necessary. Use the nastiest insults that you can think of if that is how you are treated. Steal items the bully needs and loves if that's what they're doing to you. Don't be daunted by inexperience - the more you practice, the better you will get at it. But always keep it balanced at a ratio of 1:3.
Remember also that it's okay to take a few knocks, for often a bully will try to fight back at first. Scratches hurt less when you aren't constantly on guard for them. Insults cut less deep when you don't imagine what the next text is going to say. Anticipate it less, and you will endure less pain.
...
So, what did you think?
Please let me know what you think:
...
How to Deal with Bullying
Bullying is an unpleasant experience to endure. It makes socialising difficult and it undermines your confidence. But it is likely that, if you are being bullied, you have fallen into a pattern of behaviour. This essay provides some insights into bullying behaviour and a solution for getting out of the cycle.
To begin with, let's take a look at the bully themselves. A particular excuse is often made for bullies: that they're jealous of you and that is why they bully. Personally I have never thought this sounds particularly true, so I'll put forward my alternative theory here.
There are two sub-types of bullies:
1. The kind who have never been stood up to, whether that is by their parents, teachers, or schoolmates. This person therefore feels it is their due to have, or do, whatever they wish.
2. The kind who have to fight for everything they get, including attention from their parents, and are therefore used to shouting as loud, pushing as hard and generally throwing their weight around as much as they can, to ensure that they're heard.
Now let's take a look at the person being bullied. Often an unassuming individual, it is usually a quiet person who becomes the target for bullying. The dynamics between these two types of people can be to the detriment of the quieter type and this is when bullying occurs.
Those who are bullied have a tendency to respond weakly, be it by keeping away from the bully, submitting to whatever abuse the bully hands out, crying, etc. When a bully sees this they will push harder. This holds true for types 1 and 2.
Bully no. 1 sees you submit to them and realise that the harder they push, the more they can get from you. It is therefore little surprise that they do so.
No. 2 just sees you as just another person in their turbulent landscape. There may be a touch of bully no. 1 inherent in this, as bully no. 2 does what he/she does to get what they consider they need. If you submit more, it is likely they will also demand more. They simply get an easier time pushing you than they do the louder people around them.
The Solution
Both bully types will target you for as long as they can get a reaction out of you. What attracts them to you is your image of weakness. Therefore, the best reaction is to fight back. We are often told to turn the other cheek, to walk away, or if we are in school, to tell a teacher, but we are all perfectly well aware that these tactics don't usually work.
Bullies also occur in adult life, so it is best for you to grow your confidence while you're still young and the consequences less serioius. Genuine confidence will stand you in good stead throughout your whole life, and bullies will target you less and less as a result.
How to Do It
The details depend on the type of bullying you endure, but the general theory remains the same. The rule of thumb is to target the ringleader. People can be weak-minded and the gaggle of friends around the ringleader are often far weaker than the ringleader him/herself, and will only remain with them for as long as they can see the ringleader's strength. So it is up to you to challenge it.
Each time you receive an attack, hit the bully back. I say this literally, in the case of physical bullying, or metaphorically, in the case of persistant text or phone messages. The same goes for verbal bullying. The point is always to hit back just as hard as you're hit.
Most bullies will back down pretty quickly when you do this. A few will resist more and carry on, but keep at it: they have only leapt the first hurdle and the more you put up for them, the more tired they'll get. Eventually, all will give up. It is only a matter of time.
The Complete Campaign
The best way to put an end to bullying once and for all is to fight back in a systematic way. What follows is a set of strict rules for this, as you are attempting to stop being bullied, not to become a bully yourself.
1. Note down all that happens, both your actions and the actions of your bully. This is for several reasons. Teachers sometimes have a habit of trying to get the person who is being bullied to quieten down just so they can have a quiet life, and a detailed record of bullying is an excellent way to show for certain what has happened. Write:
a. The date and time of the event.
b. What the bully did.
c. What you did.
d. Who was present (possible witnesses. This also tends to show up whether the bully is trying to avoid doing this in front of the teacher).
This can be helpful especially if you are being bullied by subtle means, as sometimes we can feel very undermined by the actions of another person without being able to put our finger on why we feel this way. On trying to describe this kind of treatment to others, the actions suddenly sound not at all like bullying. So an objective record is excellent in these cases for proving (to yourself as much as anybody else) that you are, indeed, being targeted.
Also, if you're anything like me, when a teacher asks you what the bully has done you instantly forget many of the important details like the above, so having a record is invaluable. I did this for the first time when I was bullied at work, and it worked so well (and was required by my boss so much) that I'm only sorry I didn't do it back in school.
Guard the book closely. If you think that your bully is likely to steal the book, try the following: write the bullying actions for the day on a slip of paper and keep the book at home. You can transcribe them into the book once you're at home and the book can't be stolen.
2. Every action that a person commits against you, commit it against them 3 times. This is for two reasons: firstly, to ensure that you fight back at the bully strongly, and secondly to ensure that you don't fight back too strongly. Again, you are not seeking to become a bully yourself, merely to deter them.
Your bully needs to know there are limits and that there are serious implications if they cross boundaries with you. So fight strongly. Punch, bite and scratch if necessary. Use the nastiest insults that you can think of if that is how you are treated. Steal items the bully needs and loves if that's what they're doing to you. Don't be daunted by inexperience - the more you practice, the better you will get at it. But always keep it balanced at a ratio of 1:3.
Remember also that it's okay to take a few knocks, for often a bully will try to fight back at first. Scratches hurt less when you aren't constantly on guard for them. Insults cut less deep when you don't imagine what the next text is going to say. Anticipate it less, and you will endure less pain.
...
So, what did you think?
