Enough is enough!

[steviegerrard489]

Hello everyone.

Well tonight I went to meet this girl I used to work with a couple of years ago and we basically spent 5 hours in each others company.

For a start I know exactly what my problem is: I don't flirt. As far as finding a girlfriend I have very little hope unless I can pluck up the courage. The whole idea of flirting is just scary, I guess because of the fear of rejection.

Right now I'm feeling like utter sh*te, for two reasons. 1)I don't have a girlfriend, 2)I had to listen to this girl this evening talking about her boyfriend and her friend who's getting married.

I'm just so fed up with it. Like last weekend when I met some attractive girls at a party. I took no chances to flirt with them and now I'm upset that the opportunity has long gone. I can't seem to get over the whole 'I'm not good enough for them' feeling I have.

I'm so fed up of people looking at me at work as the only person not to have a girlfriend or wife. I feel like smashing my laptop to pieces I'm so frustrated!

I'm wondering whether to try internet dating just to boost my opportunities of meeting girls. However, I look at their profiles and feel completely inferior! They want people who are outgoing, social, travelled a lot, funny......jesus I've got no hope!

..Oh, and just to make matters even worse, I emailed this girl at work on monday asking if she would like to come to mine for dinner one evening. No response at all and I know she's read the email. Gutted

 

[Moonie]

I am not a very flirtatious person myself. I would not mind if a guy was not very flirty. As long as you are a nice guy or a good listener, then you could probably do fine. I think that girls (or at least I know I do) feel good when you give them a compliment. Maybe you could try and compliment a girl on something they are wearing, or even make note of something small - like a piece of jewelery or eyeshadow colour that they are wearing. I think those are nice compliments because it shows that they pay attention to smaller details and are interested in you. Or else, compliment them on being a hard worker (if they are one.) I think compliments are easier than flirting. Sometimes with flirting you have to be jokey or be suave or have inflections in your voice (lol). A sincere compliment seems a little bit easier for ppl who are shy or quiet or more serious or have SP.

I think flirting can become easier when you are in an actual relationship sometimes. I have a BF. I am still not very flirty, but I can be more flirty if I am comfortable with the person.

Some people are against meeting people from online, but I am not. Actually, 2 out of 4 of my BFs have been guys that I have met online first. And those 2 relationships lasted longer and were probably better than the two I have met in real life first. Perhaps, it is because I am more at ease with them since we chatted online. We had something to build our conversations off of. So, I definitely think it's worth a chance.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

Stevie, my mate - I feel your pain so well. So much so it's been a year since I really tried - I had my moment and failed completely then.

MY STORY: It was at my job. I actually made a huge effort to combat SA and was winning. Or on the upside at very least. This girl, wow. I fell for her like a hammer on a nail. My goal was to ask her out. Coffee, cliche but simple, after work. NOW - before my realization of unrequited love, I WAS flirtatious with her. We both were. I always had that in me, to be that way - just needed an OPEC drilling platform to get it out of me.

There was another girl co-worker too I was friendly with and was attractive, they both went to the same local college. Anyways I did talk more than I ever had to any girl with them in my whole life, this just 3-4 months too with them, but - that pressure of asking the one out - and that she was quitting the job too - came crashing down and the hammer broke the nail - I missed my chance. And became awkward and weird and quiet in front of her the last few weeks she worked there.

BUT - I had my sights set on the 2nd one (I'm an opportunist if anything =) No but seriously, I was then laid off. Happy times! But the 2nd one, actually more my type ironically and we became "text buddies" for a little bit, never had that before with any chick - before I screwed it all with I won't even go into that -

BACK TO YOU -

Sorry I drone on - it took me almost a year to get over it, I recluded and never attained that comfort I had, I couldn't even look at a chick for a months - felt like everything I worked for there was like it was from a parallel universe and never actually happened. Yeah this doesn't exactly exude inspiration I know but hang on...

BUT - NOW - regardless of how it all ended, it was one of the best times - as I still don't have that opportunity - (no school atm, no job...) but am so grateful I did at least, although I never asked her out, did what I did anyways never been that far before. And KNOW I can again. I was no Casanova either, I was just myself. Awkward at times but I played into that, made it cute. It's possible - I think the email - I know it hurts, but - should have tried in person. I was going to do the same thing actually ask my girl out for coffee that way couldnt bear to do it in person but -- since you work with her, assume see her during work, way to do it is in person. And don't let the lack of response discourage you. Ask her about it. (Easier said then done and I'm one to talk I knowww =)

 

[UnXpectedErrror]

i feel your pain stevie, i have a hard time flirting at times as well and sometimes i just wanna kick myself in the butt for not doing so. i think it comes down to the fact of not feeling worth the girls time to even try flirting with them because in your brain you already have your self set up for disaster. idk thats how i feel sometimes.

thing is you just gotta be you and if your not a flirtatious person by nature don't try to be one its just gonna give you more anxiety thinking about it. that's doesn't mean you still cant send of hints that you like someone you just don't have to go into full on heavy flirting just a simple you look really nice today is good enough sometimes. its all about finding your comfort zone and it takes time

don't worry about the girl from work rejection happens and over the net its so easy to ignore peoples. trust me its not the smartest thing to be dating some one you work with anyways. if you do give the whole online dating thing a go though let it be know that this will happen a lot and its not because your a bad person or unattractive, its just because that person is just looking for something else. just try not to take it so personal that's all.

don't worry my friend just be your self and someone will come along who will love you for you.

 

[steviegerrard489]

Thanks for those messages guys, I totally agree and understand. I do thik however that some flirting is necessary otherwise they will see you as a brother and nothing more...

..anyway, I just submitted an advertisment on an online dating website!