Doom Blog.

[Dr. Doom]

Doom Blog#1


Lately, I have been feeling more and more disconnected from people. I feel more inside my head. I can walk into a gas station and buy a pack of gum, but I feel like I'm inside my head, as though I'm some imp that controls my body, trying to figure out proper responses to questions, steering myself to the shortest line possible, watching that I don't trip making sure when I pull the cash out of my pocket while not accidently hooking my keys and dropping them on the floor.

And when I grab for the moeny...you ever notice that? The clerk, where ever you go, will say "$2.14" and right away you hand her the money but she never grabs it right away. Instead you have to let your hand with cash hang in the air for 5-10 seconds. Those 5-10 seconds are agony.

I went to the mall the other night...I went to the couple used video game shops they had there. Its not even worth buying games there. You can get nearly every game there for half of what they ask on ebay or amazon. The only thing worth buying from there is the hardware. But that can be a ****ing roller coaster. Twice, I've gotten consoles from these places. Different ones. They say everytime that they test their consoles. I brought a genesis home...didnt ****ing work. I brought it back, the guy thought it was an AV cable problem...so he gives me new cables and I take it back. Doesn't ****ing work. This was in april when I wasn't driving so my dad is really grilling my ass for having to go back a third time. What had happened is that they gave my a ****ty AC adapter...

Old video games man...I love them. I've recently been playing Parasite Eve for my playstation. I got it at a thrift store for $3, complete, discs work perfect. That **** goes for like $30 in a video game shop, but anyways...Parasite Eve is great, the story is amazing, and although the graphics are nothing great, the cut scenes are amazing and the music is very atmospheric and compliments the gameplay. The case is cracked and dirty from the price marker pen that they use...its not even a marker but one of the colored pencil things you see, the ones that you unwrap at the tip.

I've been wanting to buy my dad this book for a while now. He grew up here in MN, he was a boyscout and did the whole lutheran thing. So I found this book "Growing up Lutheran" and I know it would be so perfect for him. Its a humour book and I know he would really appreciate it. Less than $20 on amazon too, so I will have to pick it up before his birthday in two months.

I keep listening to The Charming Man by The Smiths. Great song, the intro guitar bit is amazing. It's just one of those songs...

 

[pebblesdundee]

Old video games man...I love them. I've recently been playing Parasite Eve for my playstation. I got it at a thrift store for $3, complete, discs work perfect. That **** goes for like $30 in a video game shop, but anyways...Parasite Eve is great, the story is amazing, and although the graphics are nothing great, the cut scenes are amazing and the music is very atmospheric and compliments the gameplay. The case is cracked and dirty from the price marker pen that they use...its not even a marker but one of the colored pencil things you see, the ones that you unwrap at the tip.

Thank you so much for reminding me. No game on this earth compares to MGS for me, but I never finished it I got stuck when i had the PS1, the controller broke on the PS1 so I played it on the PS2. The memory card didn't work on the PS2 so I just had to pause when I wanted to go and do something. I got just past where I was stuck, and the PS2 stopped working (it overheated, still works though). Then the disk got scratched so I never finished it. So my aim in life is to buy Metal Gear Solid once more and finish it!

sorry for the rant, i just really love old video games

 

[Dr. Doom]

[The Twilight Zone] 1 - Where Is Everybody (1959) - YouTube

Thought this was interesting.

 

[Dr. Doom]

doom blog #2


I just got a friend request from my best friend (let's say bob) 3rd-6th grade. Back when I lived in AZ. Used to hangout alot, this was before my social anxiety. I kept in contact for a little bit after a moved but it just kind of stopped in 7th grade. I contacted him again in 9th grade, on myspace but didnt really keep up with it. But he got facebook recently...near the end of 2011. But now it's much easier to talk to him now.

He always was the center of a room. Either annoying everybody, or making everyone laugh. And I think it's safe to say that I was his bestfriend as well. We went to school together in 3rd grade, 4th and again in 6th. In 5th grade they opened an elementary school a block away from my house, so I went there until in 6th grade I wound up going to the same middle school that my friend went to. I remember how awesome it was to go to school with your bestfriend. It's almost hard to remember what that was like. Hanging out, with eachother or our friends, sitting together with our friends at lunch.

In 5th grade we did see eachother but not as much. His house was relatively close to mine, so we had regular sleepovers and hangouts. In 6th grade, it changed a bit. Middle school. It was the 6th grade, we had electives to choose, highschool style classes, lockars. I think thats also when we really started to notice girls. Now, I have always been since about 3rd grade, a chubby, fat kid. Not naturaly fat, but thin fat. I was fat because of my lifestyle, not my genes.

Now, we had a few friends that were girls in our circle, most notably a chick named emma. She went with us to school in 3rd and 4th, and with him in 5th also. So we knew her. I remember I was ****ing around, and I said something "*cough* bob likes you *cough*" and they were both in line and he ribbed me. Afterwards they started hanging out more and more and eventually wound up "going out." He actually thanked my later for doing that, since sapposedly they had prior feeling for eachother.

About midway into the year, 2005, bob started wearing more black, skater clothes, we shopped at hottopic and got green day shirts together and **** like that, ****ing lame I know, but they were cool back then and so was napolean dynamite, gta san andreas etc. We started becoming more aware of how we acted and what we wore. He started hanging out with the drum players and skaters (we were both in band, him drums, me trumboner...ugh).

There was this chick who sat with him and his group of friends, this chick named amber. And she was pretty hot, you know like wearing the ripped black hoodie over a skirt and skater shoes. Cute girl, pale, thin, and bob liked her. Its not like he stole her from me, nothing like that. I had absolutely no game at that time, not only that but I was fat and just lame. The biggest thing I had going for me socially was being kyler's best friend. Anways, lo and behold they started hanging out, and evetually went out.

He was really into her, really into her. They kissed, made out and ****, hung out. So it was like, they hungout and I hung back. I mean, what was I going to do? Chill with him, and his girlfriend when obviously they wanted to be alone and ****. You know how that is. So I let him be with her. I didn't have a whole lot of friends besides the kids that were in my boyscout troop at the time.

After a while, I forgot exactly why, but they started not to see eachother as much. And bob would tell me how much he liked her, and how they were breaking up. He started getting depressed and would do stupid **** like make an ass of himself, I remember an instance where he took a broken piece of glass and just started to cut into his arm a bit, not seriously but obviously it was coming from somewhere and it left scabs and ****. He started to tell me how desperate he was to be with her.

He told me a couple times, to actually call her, since she didnt answer him anymore, and tell her **** and stuff, and it was so nervous and I felt like an idiot but he would make threats, like we aren't friends anymore or some ****. I did and I remember vividly to this day, this once call where I very stupid began with "how's the weather?" She asked me straight up without answering my inquery about the weather patterns in her area, "is this about bob?" and I said, "yes".....she says "Harrison, don't ever call this number again." of course I was both embarresed and pissed that my friend made me do that.

After a while, he eventually got over it, 6th grade came to past and I spent my last night at his house before hopping the plane to texas where I would spend the next 3 years of my life. He was my best friend. And I have missed him ever since then, so I really look forward to catching up with him...but I'm not really sure what I will tell him. "How are you? Oh yeah? Sweet, what have I been doing, oh well for the past few years I've had no friends, I've been nervous about making friends and along with depression, alot of stress and not getting any thinner, I'm good."

I feel like he will think I'm a loser. I really do love this guy, I sill consider him to be a best friend after all these years. Its really good to be in contact with him. Alot of good memories. Back when I felt comfortable with myself and had friends who I could really call friends. Undivorced parents, no depression. The golden years. It will be good to see how he's been for the last five years.

As of right now he is the only friend on my face book. And I am still listening to that song by the Smiths.

 

[Dr. Doom]

Doom Blog #3


I was thinking about nostalgia today. I watched an episode of penn and teller:bull **** where they talked about what bull**** nostalgia was. In case it was more like people who were nostalgic about a certain era, some who were not even born in that era and were more like fanboys. I get nolstagic, like anyone else I'm sure. Nostalgia plays a big part in my video games collecting. I remember watching nintendo 64 commercials, playing the games at places where they were sold. So I buy a n64 and play those games as well as collect other games I didn't play.

So I'm listening to the doors. I've wanted to live in the 90s, or the 50s/60s. I know they are in the 60s but I wanted to live in the 50s too...anyways, I wounder what kind of different person I would have become in that era. Racism, a rediculous war, hippies, drug war, booming economy, the soviet union. There are still a few of those things going on, but you know...like the 60s was filled to the brim with that ****. Would I be deressed, would I have social anxiety. With things like the internet, computer gaming was a ways away, forget the sega dreamcast.....what would I have done?

I signed up for this other forum, playstion collector's forum, and I signed up with the user name Magneto. Instantly I looked for magneto pictures for my avatar. I was thinking, why do I do this? Like instantly I had to create a persona. I couldn't just use my name and my picture, or my name and no picture. Like, I'm running away from who I am. I look for something to define me. To personify who I am, instead of myself, I use a fictional character whom I really don't have alot in common with. I think he's cool, I like his character, but why do I use him to represent me? Its the same thing with the doom user, it really makes me sick at how I don't want to be myself. Like I'm such a loser, I just want to step outside of my body and find a different one with a new name.

I've been thinking alot about smoking lately. Tobacco and weed. I am 17, I haven't tryed either. Do I need to? Not really, but I really want to. I really want to try weed and cigarettes. Like, I think it adds to character. Harrison. He smokes. You know? I mean, converse, peacoat, dark pants, t-shirt, smoking a cigarette. Why do I need to do that? Why do I think that smoking would help my image? Because its cool? I mean it looks cool. If I want to be cool I should smoke right? As far as weed goes, I want to try it because I hear nothing but good things about it. Not only as something to ease SA, but to relax in general. I have had friends who did it and some who have even sold it. Friends though. Unless I want to go to some ghetto dealer who'll take advantage of me, give me sub par ****, ect. Ugh, how lame could I get.

Back to nostalgia though. My perfect year I think, was 2005. In that year I was 11-12. I remember going to Texas and seeing my cousins, whom I had seen the previous two summers. I would go there for two weeks. I would stay at my aunts house, who was still married to my uncle. My oldest cousin, who is about 2.5 years older than me would come down from his rich dad's( two of my cousins were with her ex, one was with my then uncle) and he would bring his xbox, or his new movies, his new fashion, as it would change every year. And he was soo cool, always wearing cool ****, listening to interesting music that I liked. I would hang out with him and his sister all the time.

In those two weeks, we would usually go to this condo my uncle would rent for a few days in san antonio. It had a pool, a basketball court, movies outside at night. My cousin would hook up the xbox and we'd watch movies, go swimming, go to the movies. It was ****ing fun. Once we went to this schlitterbahn waterpark. I mean I always had a ****ing blast. Then we'd go back to the house and chill for a week. Then I would go home. And I would have summer to enjoy, friends, a nintendo gamecube, married parents. I mean I was ****ing happy you know?

Six years later, I lived in texas, my parents got divorced, I got SA, moved up to minnesota, lost all my friends. I can tell you right now, I am not happy. I go down to texas sometimes to see my mom, like every six months. Its really depressing. Since 2005, both my cousins learned to drive, my aunt divorced my uncle, moved a few times, both cousins have had relatioships, my older cousin goes to college. When I go down there I try to chase that feeling I had 6 years ago. I try to keep in contact with them, but after moving and them just getting older, I don't think they've completey you know, shattered their relationships, but I know it's pointless to text there every few months or say something on their facebook walls.

right now I'm listening to stairway to heaven, a song I first heard when my cousins played it, since he was pretty into them. Goddamn, really depressing ****. But I don't know. A part of me says to move on, that there isn't anything there. That what ever I had, that feeling is totally gone. It sounds pretty dramatic, but really I feel that way. So i removed them as friends on my facebook, I removed everyone actually since really none of them were my friends, at least not anymore. I erased their contact information. So no its only my sister, brother, dad, mom, and a few other family members. Total list is something like 8, as well as a couple video game shop number.

All my pictures are of sad people. I think that alot of my depression stems from not being able to do things like that anymore, be with my cousins. Or go somewhere with my mom and dad in the same car. Its hard to remember what it was like when they were married. Its only been 2 and a half years, but even still its hard to imagine them talking or something normal.

 

[Dr. Doom]

Doom Blog #4


From Magneto to Pyro: "You are a god among insects."

Just got done watching the x-men trilogy. I think those movies are good, everyone of them. They really payed attention to them. The spiderman movies...blade movies, oh god..the fantastic four movies. They all sucked. They were all butchered. Iron man was alright, never really dug the comics, the movies were cool, but they made him out to be this ultimate badass. Thor, sucked. Captain america, was pretty good. Though I wish instead of a teaser trailer for the avengers movie, they should have added the bit at the end where they find him.

I thought about mutant kind though for a bit. I mean, how cool would it be to be a a mutant? I like magneto's take, like we are beautiful, we have nothing to hide. Like, of course though, since I'm a human I would be seen as his enemy, but I can't help but to take his side all the time. Not only is he a badass, but I always think **** humans. I hate them whenever I watch xmen. Its like, the fantastic four, who were mutated through radiation are heroes. But when the x-men save the day they are still monsters. I would love to manipulate metal.

Magneto though...he is so badass. In the first secret wars, the beyonder placed him on the team of those he thought were good. And him and charles always had a respect for eachother, which I thought was cool.

I am moving soon, we close on the 20th of september. I'll be going to a new school, this year I'll be taking the bus again. I hate the ****ing bus. It gets filled up, and then you have to ask..."Uhm, hey can I sit here?" usually with some hot chick or some jock or something. Someone that will just think "how pathetic..." or "gross." Not looking forward to this ****. Might have to see somebody finally, like a psychiatrist or what ever. Maybe different drugs. I get anxiety just thinking about it.

I'm going to see the guidance cousiler or something this week, so will be able to choose classes and figure out what my schedule is going to look like. ****. REALLY not looking forward to that. If I have to take a language or another PE credit, I'm probably going to have a panic attack. I cannot do that **** again.