Duzmiu
Well-known member
hey its been awhile since ive been on these forums,
i thought things were getting better, i met some new people online to play games with and we share alot of things in common and best of all they live in the south of england. we always do things online together, talk on ventrillo and have a laugh together.
but lately my depression has been getting worse and worse, more than it ever was before, i stopped taking my meds as they gave me severe anger problems and had a personal side effect for them which made me more agetated and angry.
ive been going to a therapist person but its no help if anything it makes things worse as he always says "tell your parents, they will understand" i told him to stop doing it but he dosent listen, i know my family better then anyone and well my dad wouldnt care, he never has, my mum would take it as insult to her and get angry probally throw something at me as usual. she moans i dont look after my health but never asks me why i dont look after myself just gets angry like its some insult to her.
all i seem to do is sleep eat and sit on the computer, i have no real life friends, havent had a girlfriend in 2 years(no sex in that time aswell so incredibly frustrated from that) and im still watching everything and everyone around me when im out, and the slightest things make me jump when im in outside.
my brain can only come up with 2 options, suicide or just pack my bags and leave hopeing i wont be such a coward and a fresh start someone else will help. but i have no money so even if i ever did leave il'd be homeless, jobless...so i would be worse off and realising that makes me more depressed
lately i was thinking of going uni somewhere out of essex, as far away as i could get, but i cant get a student loan due to bad credit rating.
i have no job experience so getting a job is really really hard.
i cant seem to show any emotion apart from anger and laughter, i havent cried in years, cant actually remember the last time i cried, now it feels like im about to but nothing happens.
i cant seem to find my way out of this hole ive dug myself, i just seem to get deeper and deeper. im sad, depressed, lonely, angry and slowly killing myself living like this, i barely eat, when i do its junk food, dont exercise, barely keep myself clean. refuse to go to a hospital about my toe. to scared to go to town, if i do i take the long routes where there is minimal people, which makes me feel perfetic and a coward
ok so this was more of a rant but it made me feel a little better being able to express myself a bit
i thought things were getting better, i met some new people online to play games with and we share alot of things in common and best of all they live in the south of england. we always do things online together, talk on ventrillo and have a laugh together.
but lately my depression has been getting worse and worse, more than it ever was before, i stopped taking my meds as they gave me severe anger problems and had a personal side effect for them which made me more agetated and angry.
ive been going to a therapist person but its no help if anything it makes things worse as he always says "tell your parents, they will understand" i told him to stop doing it but he dosent listen, i know my family better then anyone and well my dad wouldnt care, he never has, my mum would take it as insult to her and get angry probally throw something at me as usual. she moans i dont look after my health but never asks me why i dont look after myself just gets angry like its some insult to her.
all i seem to do is sleep eat and sit on the computer, i have no real life friends, havent had a girlfriend in 2 years(no sex in that time aswell so incredibly frustrated from that) and im still watching everything and everyone around me when im out, and the slightest things make me jump when im in outside.
my brain can only come up with 2 options, suicide or just pack my bags and leave hopeing i wont be such a coward and a fresh start someone else will help. but i have no money so even if i ever did leave il'd be homeless, jobless...so i would be worse off and realising that makes me more depressed
lately i was thinking of going uni somewhere out of essex, as far away as i could get, but i cant get a student loan due to bad credit rating.
i have no job experience so getting a job is really really hard.
i cant seem to show any emotion apart from anger and laughter, i havent cried in years, cant actually remember the last time i cried, now it feels like im about to but nothing happens.
i cant seem to find my way out of this hole ive dug myself, i just seem to get deeper and deeper. im sad, depressed, lonely, angry and slowly killing myself living like this, i barely eat, when i do its junk food, dont exercise, barely keep myself clean. refuse to go to a hospital about my toe. to scared to go to town, if i do i take the long routes where there is minimal people, which makes me feel perfetic and a coward
ok so this was more of a rant but it made me feel a little better being able to express myself a bit