don't know if i'm in the right place

miss_amy

Well-known member
I don't know if I'm in the right place. I don't know if I come under the heading of agoraphobia. i would say my phobia is more of people than outside. I have to go outside, no choice having to function for my kids to get them to school. But the whole thing is an ordeal. I feel like everyone stares at me, forms an opinion of me. I think I must look weird because I'm so tense and i fear I give off the impression I'm rude, making people hate me more.

I keep the curtains shut all day, feel a massive spark go through me if anyone knocks on the door or the phone rings. Feel dread when it's getting towards school run time.
I have a constant 'dentist waiting room' feeling.

I find my symptoms get worse when I'm stressed about something, say money tight or an incident that upsets me. I have good patches and bad patches, but I never feel 100% comfortable.

I had intensive councilling last year which helped but it still comes back when I'm having a bad time in other areas of my life.

It would be great if someone would understand what i'm going through.
 

phoenix1

Well-known member
Hi miss_amy.

You are in the right place. I know that feeling. Where you utterly dread every little phone call or someone coming to the door. Waiting for some impending doom or something really bad to happen. I think it does happen when we are overwhelmed and our body doesn't know where the danger is, so it reacts to absolutely everything. We just know something is not right, but we don't know what it is or why. I hate that feeling. In the past, sometimes I try to hide completely, but then I get scared that if I'm not aware of the things thats going on, then that freaks me out too..that something bad has happened and I couldn't do something about it.

Anyway, welcome to the board.
 

TAMPA-BAY

Well-known member
YES AMYyou certianly are in the right place. The cool thing about this place is that you'll notice that in a short while you'll start to get better just knowing that they are many others. Its just too bad we dont see each other because being in public is'nt exactly our favorite place to be but we are all around. Nice to have you with us. Theres alwayse room for more members who can maby bring their point of view on how we can all rid our selves of this invisible wall thats keeps getting in our way.
 

Hellraising

Well-known member
Hi Amy

I'm a recovering Agoraphobic. I had the same feelings you are experiencing. The doorbell, the phone, the curtains, the staring. At my worst, I became housebound for a year. So I must say that it's good that you're still getting out, even though you're forced to.

I advise you to go back for intensive counseling. It helped you then, and it will help you now. But you need to do your part as well. Making yourself go for every appointment is important. Take it as a challenge. Once you start feeling better about getting out and going for an appointment, you are one step closer to recovering. Tell all that you're feeling to your counsellor. He/She would be able to guide you through the steps to overcome this.

Have faith in yourself.
 

miss_amy

Well-known member
There's a couple of reasons I haven't been back to the coucillor, firstly it's private and it costs a fortune! Money is a bit tight at the moment. Secondly I know exactly what she would say and how I need to tackle this, I just need a couple of things off my plate to feel strong enough to do what I need to do.

I'm going for a hair cut in a couple of hours. I know it sounds really daft but I feel as sick as a pig! How stupid is that. I am going though.
 

shon

Well-known member
miss_amy said:
There's a couple of reasons I haven't been back to the coucillor, firstly it's private and it costs a fortune! Money is a bit tight at the moment. Secondly I know exactly what she would say and how I need to tackle this, I just need a couple of things off my plate to feel strong enough to do what I need to do.

I'm going for a hair cut in a couple of hours. I know it sounds really daft but I feel as sick as a pig! How stupid is that. I am going though.


Hi Amy,

I know how you feel. I won't even go get a haircut because the anxiety is too much. I put it off for a couple of years, then finally had my mom cut it.
 

miss_amy

Well-known member
Well I went and as usual the sky didn't fall in. At least I look nice again. Now got the stress of everyone saying 'nice hair'.
 

shon

Well-known member
Hey Amy,

I also get really scared when the phone rings. My heart beats really fast and I panic. When I look at the caller ID and see it's a telemarketer, I decide not to answer it. After the phone quits ringing, I calm down. I go through this every single time the phone rings. It's torture all day, I feel like telemarketers are out to get me....lol!

I get the same feeling with the doorbell. My solution is always to hide and be very quiet (not easy with a toddler). It's usually a religious group so it doesn't matter. I believe in religion of course but not standing at my door..lol. If I didn't have to take my kid to school, I wouldn't get out too much but that would be great! I always worry that the teacher or someone will get close enough to see me and judge me. Since they usually stay back far enough, I worry that they judge my vehicle.....lol. It's always something!
 

miss_amy

Well-known member
I'm not sure why but I've picked a really 'stand out' car. Its really sporty and a very noticable colour. I can't explain why that is. Maybe in a strange way I want to be noticed. I don't drive to school though as its only a 5 minute walk.

Phone calls are a hard one. Telemarketers don't really bother me, I can easily say not interested and put phone down. I find it harder if its someone who wants to chat or if its someone for my partner. I just don't answer now and let the machine pick it up. It can be quite awkward though if its the school saying my children are sick or something.

I have my own business and do work but it feel awkward that I have to leave the dealing with customers to my staff. Its ok 99% of the time but there's quite often awkward moments when they are busy with someone and the phone rings or a customer comes. I have to make myself look busy and leave it to my receptionist but I feel bad about it. Getting away with it coz I'm the boss but it doesn't look good.

Other things I find hell this time of year are school plays and christmas fayres and all the things people keep asking me for. Will you be on commitees, fund raising etc.
 
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