Does this describe you? [Person who Fears Public Critique]

[Anubis]

While doing some work around the house today, I started brainstorming reasons why I felt uncomfortable speaking to new people. I have a odd case of social phobia, but I think it may have a lot of parallels to many of your cases. The problem with me is that I act perfectly normal in front of a mirror (this may be in contrast to some of you who absolutely abhor the mirror), but as soon as I have no mirrors around me to judge myself in REAL-TIME, I feel vulnerable. My speech becomes inhibited. And my body language becomes restricted. It's almost like I can't even trust myself to do what I want to do. A form of body dysmorphia - if you will.

I also become extremely sensitive to any remarks about my appearance, vocal rate, or lack thereof. I even take slight negative facial expressions pretty seriously. My friends even comment how I seem kinda "sensitive" when they playfully insult me. So I got to thinking. Why is this? Why do I not trust myself away from the mirror? I seem perfectly normal when I'm in front of a mirror and talking to people (happens a lot in the barber and in some buses where there are mirrors), but away from the mirror, I become inexplicably sensitive to the remarks of others.

Then it finally hit me. I subconsciously equate people with mirrors! That's why I'm so sensitive. Here's the logic. FACT: Mirrors never lie. They're objective. You are what you see. And I'm basically giving people the same power as mirrors because I think they logically operate the same way. After all, they do see me in third-person, just like a mirror. Therefore, whatever they say, must be true. If they say I look like a dork, I must be a dork (by my logic). If they say my clothes are retarded, then my clothes must be retarded. If they say I'm loud, then I'm probably loud. That's why I'm extremely sensitive to critical remarks. It's because I believe them to be true - due to this seemingly straightforward analogy.

This is exactly why I put on a strict "nice persona" and why I get upset when people try to insult me (playfully or not). I'm afraid of the critique that I know must be true due to the perspective of my attacker - his third person mirror-like perspective. He can't be lying! That's why I can scarcely mutter a comeback to the person. It feels like I'm fighting a losing battle.

I don't have an exact solution, but I think if I stop comparing the perception of others like an "objective mirror that never lies", I may improve. I'm already starting to do it, and it's giving me new insights into my problem. Also, for you few extroverts on the board, is this why you're not as sensitive to critical remarks? (because you don't put the opinions of others on such a high pedestal?).

But yea, just throwing ideas on the wall just in case some of you are experiencing similar things. If you're avoiding social contact because of possible critique, you might just be like me!

 

[Havocan]

I also avoid people and talk as little as possible in fear of being humiliated, seen as inferior of others or being rejected. It's got nothing to do with the mirror thing in my case, though I may perceive my peers as objective mirrors when they judge me based on their personal opinion which of course varies from person to person. I also take insults and teasing more seriously than I should, also facial expressions which indicate scoff and so on. That's so with me because I believe I suffer from APD, don't know if that's how you feel, though^^.

 

[Brad89]

Re: Does this describe you? [Person who Fears Public Critiqu

Also, for you few extroverts on the board, is this why you're not as sensitive to critical remarks?

You kind of have to adjust to the fact that people are judging you subconsciously all the time and that there isn't much you can do about it...after all, you can't make everybody happy, right?

There is no such thing as an infallible human being, I can't remember the last time I was insulted by someone who didn't have something wrong with them themselves...just the fact that they'd go out of their way to insult someone is something you could bring up and retaliate with. Thing is, those scenarios are rare at best...most people are genuinely nice and are attracted to people who are confident (not cocky) in themselves. And Anubis, dont take the playful teases seriously...most of the time it means a person likes you because beyond telling you your clothes are funny or your hair looks weird, they genuinely like you for you.

For the people who insult you out of vindictiveness and their own insecurities, just keep in mind that those are the same people who'd insult Steven Spielberg on making terrible movies when they've never accomplished anything worthwhile in their own lives.

 

[Kamen]

It is an interesting coincidence that you appeared here, since these days I tend to use more actively the same nickname. What's your connection with this nick?

I welcome you, saying that mirrors actually lie.

 

[no12]

I haven't read the whole post. but I sometimes think that the outside world is just reflecting my thoughts, my fears.. and affirming who I am (a fearful person) and my thoughts and myself I haven't been able to control.... Im still fighting though.

 

[Emmmmy]

I have a sort of confidence in front of a mirror - I know how that sounds, and I'll regret writing this..... but I swear, it's not so much looking at my features or whatever, but I just feel I'm myself and not selfconscious.

I don't think I'd admit to that at all, if it weren't for a friend confiding that she had imaginary conversations with people in front of the mirror! which is something else I do! I just feel myself when I do it - I don't plan to do it, I just slip into it. Maybe I'm fulfilling some inner need I can't explain.

I like your theory of the 3rd person objective thing... but I've always put it down to being able to see that your not looking weird - or not pulling a funny face. Basically feedback which contradicts all irrational thoughts and worries. As sad as it is, I suppose I'm being social in an imaginary way (oh dear!).