Does anyone have an awful fear of silence in conversation?

[Zarrix]

This is in any interaction, MSN or Face to Face. If there is silence at all, it seems to be a sign of rejection/failure. I either stay quiet and accept it as that, or say something toolish, which makes things even worse.

I don't like it when people just nod, instead of saying yes. I interpret it this way: They think I am so unimportant, that they don't give the time of day to speak with me.

Asking a question and not getting an answer, or a very vague one is one of my worst fears. Thats why I don't ask many.

 

[Leki]

Re: Does anyone have an awful fear of silence in conversatio

Asking a question and not getting an answer, or a very vague one is one of my worst fears. Thats why I don't ask many

I agree, this can be a really horrible feeling. Sometimes i will feel like i am invisible and i start to question whether i actually just said something or if i just said it in my head.
I think i would rather someone disagree or argue with me than just being totally ignored like i am not worthy of a response.
When this happens i also find myself repeating what i just said which makes it more embarrassing because no one wanted to hear it the first time.

 

[Meow]

Unless they're just obviously being rude, I think they're like me sometimes... just don't have much to say. As for silences... I usually leave it if it seems like an okay one and wait for the other person to make a move, or I fill it saying something dumb and funny.

 

[maggie]

yeah, i hate that. That's why i hate the phone so much...and being afraid i won't have enough to say to fill in those awkward pauses :?

 

[BINMAN1]

i dont mindawkward silences, they are funny and make want to burst out laughing.

 

[gall]

Re: Does anyone have an awful fear of silence in conversatio

This is in any interaction, MSN or Face to Face. If there is silence at all, it seems to be a sign of rejection/failure. I either stay quiet and accept it as that, or say something toolish, which makes things even worse..

yeah exactly.i was wondering how would other ppl, (normal people) feel when faced the same awkwardness(silence)?i mean maybe its the way it is.People are like this?like silence is a norm and that its actually nothin BUT only we social phobics get anxious when theres silence?i dont knoww.its weird really .i need answers.. :?



[/quote]
Asking a question and not getting an answer, or a very vague one is one of my worst fears. Thats why I don't ask many.[/quote]


i agree with you..
wad r these ppl thinkin nt anwering our ans.what made them think tt our questions are nt worth answered or smthn?hmmm

 

[theman]

Unless they're just obviously being rude, I think they're like me sometimes... just don't have much to say. As for silences... I usually leave it if it seems like an okay one and wait for the other person to make a move, or I fill it saying something dumb and funny.

I like Meow's advice. Don't sweat the silences, or highlight them in a funny way.

"woah - you could hear a pin drop in here. Run out of stuff to say?"

"Look, if I'm going to stick around, we're both going to have to participate"

"Awkward silence. "

"It just got real quiet in here - what's up?"

"If you actually HAD something to say, what would that be?"

"if this awkward pause goes on any longer I'm going to have to start charging you by the minute"

"breathe"

"this date isn't going very well"

 

[Thelema]

Probably don't want to tell your first date, if you can't think of anything to say, "It's like a morgue around here." mood killer much? :lol:

 

[theman]

Thelema - that's a GOOD one!

I think its fine to point out the reality of the situation on a first date. Often it really diffuses the situation and creates a laugh.

Besides - if you truly do have nothing to say to each other, better to find that out earlier than later so you can move on to the next lucky person who gets to go out/talk with with you.

Just don't take awkward silences as YOUR fault. After all - its quite natural for silences to crop up in conversation even between good friends.

Next time there's an awkward silence between you and a first date, try saying "oh my gosh - I just saw a huge bubble appear above your head and I could see exactly what you were thinking in that pause. Behave!" and put on a slightly exaggerated astonished look.

Its funny!

 

[of_darkness]

I hateeee having to answer something which I'm sure I've answered. Mainly with grownups. (sorry for any of you out there, I'm still young and intimidated!)

The worst recently was after a choir service (I sing at school, which might be surprising), which my grandparents were at with my parents. My dad was off talking loudly somehwere and my mum was off messing around with flowers since it was mothering sunday.

So I was left with my grandparents waiting to leave, as most of the other people had done. A mother of someone I know well was standing in front of us waiting, making it awkward for me to talk to my grandparents, which is definately a hard thing in general. They aren't too old yet so I wasn't stuck with two hollow shells but there was a silence for a while, and when I looked up the guys mum was staring at me!!!! Gah!! Go away!!

That sort of look as if "you should be talking" or "...go on,,,,, you havent finished yet and Im going to stare at you untill you make sense"

A piano teacher does that too, he just stares as if you havent finished.... I stutter and make matters worse by trying to say more than is needed and I realise I must have been mumbling to start with to get into this mess!!!



Silence is how I live but when other people use it I feel horrible..

 

[Richey]

Awkward silences never bother me, i dont even find them awkward.. they seem to bother more talkative people in that respect because very chatty people tend to be more needy for constant conversation and will look for more responses ...

so i get nervous that other people are bothered by silences rather then me being bothered by the actual silences ..

If you have nothing more to add or say then its perfectly natural not to say anything more, rather then just blurrting out anything because silences might be painful because the other person might not like you ...

"what if they think i'm broing" ...who cares if thats what they are thinking, because if thats the case they obviously arnt stimulating their own minds enough to think about anything else that they must be so bored in the first place, its needyness ...

dont be afraid to just talk when it suits you or when you think of a topic otherwise you put too much pressure on yourself ..you dont have to fill every second with banter to feel appreciated ...

just let it flow naturally ..

 

[theman]

I hateeee having to answer something which I'm sure I've answered. Mainly with grownups. (sorry for any of you out there, I'm still young and intimidated!)

The worst recently was after a choir service (I sing at school, which might be surprising), which my grandparents were at with my parents. My dad was off talking loudly somehwere and my mum was off messing around with flowers since it was mothering sunday.

So I was left with my grandparents waiting to leave, as most of the other people had done. A mother of someone I know well was standing in front of us waiting, making it awkward for me to talk to my grandparents, which is definately a hard thing in general. They aren't too old yet so I wasn't stuck with two hollow shells but there was a silence for a while, and when I looked up the guys mum was staring at me!!!! Gah!! Go away!!

That sort of look as if "you should be talking" or "...go on,,,,, you havent finished yet and Im going to stare at you untill you make sense"

A piano teacher does that too, he just stares as if you havent finished.... I stutter and make matters worse by trying to say more than is needed and I realise I must have been mumbling to start with to get into this mess!!!



Silence is how I live but when other people use it I feel horrible..

How about just looking back at them and saying "You're staring at me"

 

[SilentType]

Yeah you gotta establish in your mind that the other person has a point of view just as you. They are pretty much thinking of something to say if theres some awkward silence, not judging you in some horrible way like you might think. I dunno, thats just the way I like to look at it.

Peace

 

[EveM]

i get nervous that other people are bothered by silences rather then me being bothered by the actual silences ..

yeah that's how I feel too actually. Sometimes if there's a silence I notice that the other person seems bothered by it and that makes me a bit uncomfortable. Silences are just normal as you can't have something to say all the time. well I guess some people do :S But anyway, it takes 2 to make a conversation so if there's a silence it's because they haven't got anything to say either, don't like blame yourself for silences ok, they're not a bad thing!