do you think theres a connection?

[pinkputter]

I guess over the holidays you notice more about your family, I definitely have!

Well I knew my parents had anxiety/depression tendencies. My mom is depressed but only comes out in stressful situations. My dad has anxiety tendencies, and i think part of my learned habbits come from that besides being biologically suseptable.

Anyways, I am slowly recovering which is a fabulous thing .... but now im noticing to recover i need to be completely independent from them.
A few years ago, going through like the worst of my SA, they were like my best friends. Not because they knew all i was going through but cause over the breaks i would just crash and regain strength to go back to school. And even though i got better over the breaks, this still wasnt healthy.

It's not to say theyre not going to be my best friends, but their thinking and behavior can sometimes bring me dow since they have some of the tendencies that i learned were unhealthy of my own.

Has anyone else felt this way?

 

[IceLad]

I can identify with you pinkputter.

I often think that living with my mum doesn't help me in terms of SP. She definitely has anxiety tendencies, and a very negative outlook on life. Some of her comments really wear me down and play on my mind.

I dream about the day that I can afford to live on my own and be independent.

 

[Richey]

living with my parents can be like being stranded in the seventh circle of hell, i have a father who wants to control everyone like they are a puppet, he is arragont and not fun to be around in that state, and i have a mum who generates worry and guilt towards almost every action i take.

i would say that for me its psychologically damaging to reside in the same house.

i also have to be awake by 9am each morning, if i dont then ill be thrown out.

there is no freedom at all

 

[nev_vern]

i hate being around my parents, my farther too is a control freak, and i sorta hate him for it. I just stay in my bedroom all day long, if i am not working, and only go downstairs when i am hungry or sumthin. And i am 27! Not just that, i am also paying a mortgage with my farther, so i am stuck here

 

[pinkputter]

hey thanks for all your comments ..

I think an important part of posting is just to get feed back... I know our parents aren't the whole problem with anxiety, but it helps to put the pieces together to understand this litteral puzzle! And feedback makes us feel like we can slowly work our way towards understanding whats holding us back.

I used to think my mom was just controlling and negative. To most other ppl they may not think that, but its cause my mom is just like me, i try to be positive but right now feel dragged down with negativity. I think my moms been that way her whole life.

So like i said, it would appear and for the longest time i just thought my moms just controlling. She grew up in a family where they did not show emotions unless it was something good to share. Anything else you were punished or looked down on for sharing.

I really feel like my parents their whole lives just never really FELT love. They werent from abusive homes...and you dont need to be to not FEEL loved. When parents say things like "make me proud" and you know in the back of their minds theyre thinking if you dont you will be a disappointment...thats not love.

I feel like my whole life my parents were never really happy even tho we have a pleasant family, have friends, etc. So if you yourself is never happy and doesnt really have a good attitude towards life, how can you think your kids will?

I feel like my parents had me in hopes of them being happier. I know that sounds bad. But from what i can tell true. And now im going thru a part in my life where im not happy. And that makes them EVEN less happy. Its just this big cycle.

Well it sounds like we all struggle with our parents behaviors at one point or another. I am lucky I dont live with them always. And i would reccomend getting out if you can just so you can sort things on your own. At least you know you can always go to them if you need something. But for you to really overcome this its what it takes. Now for me even visiting is hard because they drag me down ... its like my old way of thinking i have to put up with again.

 

[pinkputter]

hey phantom ...

i see your point. there comes a time in everyone's life when i think you have to take responsibility for yourself. you (not "you" but generalized) may come from a broken home and have some anger held inside of you from that. to other people you are an angry person, but to you it seems justified. if only they KNEW.... but we can't live making excuses for ourselves.

but how long have you been recovering from SA? this sounds snobby and its not supposed to , but when i was first getting over SA, i definitely didnt see the connection with my parents. they were the only ppl who wouldnt cause me *much* anxiety ... i would look forward to coming home and just crashing cause i hated school and all the social pressures.
now after learning what i have, you realize youre not only suseptible to anxiety because of our personality traits (being perfectionistic, overreacting etc) BUT we also have learned behavior over time .... we had to have learned this behavior from some where, and who else do we spend more time with and logically look up to for an example other than our parents ...
It took me a while to accept it, and its NOT their fault. We only get what our parents invest in us... my parents' parents were prbably far worse about not being loving, etc. I definitely dont blame my parents, i am happy with a lot of the other things i have learned from them.

Definitely dont think your answer to anxiety is to try to not be like your parents! cause thats not true!! And other ppl learned behavior from other ppl besides their parents, so im not saying that either ...

Basically you have to be responsible for yourself, but your parents HAVE made you who you are ... look to them to find answers but not to "blame"