Do you have low self esteem?
- Thread starter bluenow
- Start date
redlady
Well-known member
I have very low self esteem - i hate that this force beyond my control is dictating the way i feel about myself. I know on a rational level that i am no less than anyone else, but on a deeper level i don't believe that - that deeper level does not think very much of myself at all. I also hate the fact that all that shit is from what others have done, it has all been put there by other people and the fact that i feel this way means that i agree with them - i find that agreement so absolutely disgusting - but again that is on a rational level and that thinking really doesn't mean that much as far as my overall mind is concerned.
bluenow
Well-known member
Exactly how I feel Red. I am intelligent, kind, hardworking, blah blah blah. I am a really cool person but feel like a foolish, undeserving slob. I'm very hard on myself. This post is a good example. I write, read it, rewrite, reread, rewrite.....and it still isn't right. (in my sick head)
redlady
Well-known member
If someone was to actually treat me in a less than deserving way i would and have taken great offence to it - it is so outrageous to me - but then i accept it from myself without a word - i know there is an explination for it and that to my mind it is logical to be this way - but it is so absurd when you think about it. I think of these two parts of myself - the rational and the subconscious as two different entities / two seperate beings - the subconscious is currently the reigning champion of the two, honestly i just wish the rational would win the fight already.
I most probably do but I'll have to say its not my fault that I have it. I think the thing about self esteem & confidence is that people who have lots of them r often people who r being praised for their achievements or looks & this in turn make them feel more confident because they know that they have gained the approval of their peers. But for me, I'm more oftrn than not condemned so I guess this results in low self esteem :roll:
bluenow
Well-known member
Rational mind vs. irrational sub-concious
That's what drives me crazy! I hate knowing the truth yet not being able to overcome the bad feelings. I had one day a few years ago without any SP feelings at all. I went out, had fun and was so relaxed.
It's hard work keeping up the fascade day in and day out.
Walk out the door (who's looking?)
get in the car and pull out (I have to be extra careful not to hit anyone) drive down the street (check out of the corner of my eyes - anyone I know out?)
there is the nice neighbor lady (do I stop and talk, just say hi, wave??, I have to gauge how busy she looks. I don't want her to think I'm ignoring her nor too friendly, what if I stop to say hi and bother her?)
get to a four way stop (oh shoot is it my turn?)
went out of turn at stop (is that person mad?)
Stop at the stop light (somebody must be looking, what can I look at to appear casual?)
On and on stupidity, ad nauseum.
None of those feelings on that one day. I racked my brain about that wonderful day, trying to figure out why it was different than the rest. Never could figure it out. But, oh what a day!
That's what drives me crazy! I hate knowing the truth yet not being able to overcome the bad feelings. I had one day a few years ago without any SP feelings at all. I went out, had fun and was so relaxed.
It's hard work keeping up the fascade day in and day out.
Walk out the door (who's looking?)
get in the car and pull out (I have to be extra careful not to hit anyone) drive down the street (check out of the corner of my eyes - anyone I know out?)
there is the nice neighbor lady (do I stop and talk, just say hi, wave??, I have to gauge how busy she looks. I don't want her to think I'm ignoring her nor too friendly, what if I stop to say hi and bother her?)
get to a four way stop (oh shoot is it my turn?)
went out of turn at stop (is that person mad?)
Stop at the stop light (somebody must be looking, what can I look at to appear casual?)
On and on stupidity, ad nauseum.
None of those feelings on that one day. I racked my brain about that wonderful day, trying to figure out why it was different than the rest. Never could figure it out. But, oh what a day!
jenjenhull
Member
I totally concur with you all here. Anyone been for help with the matter?
Fighter86 said:
I know a lot of attractive people who have low self-esteem. The interesting thing about self-esteem is that life accomplishments do not improve our self esteem.
I have dated a lot and I typically have guys tell me I am "hot", but I never feel like I am.
I do feel that if the people around us give us conditions of worth, as in "if you are smart I will be proud of you" or "if you are attractive I will be proud of you" then it doesn't allow us to develop a positive self regard.
PhantomPod
Well-known member
I actually have really good self esteem. Like, it's weird, because I'm a loner and sometimes I will think "like oh, I'm such a loser because I have no friends," but actually like 95% of the time I'm really confident in myself, I have good self-esteem, and I'm comfortable in my own body. And like I know that I'm intelligent, and I don't let other people tel me otherwise.
DazedNConfused
Well-known member
I've noticed that self-confidence level is not a constant thing. Sure, most times I feel lower than those around me, but every once in a while, I get these bursts of confidence when I get a taste of what it feels like to "feel" equal.
Its a real bitch trying to keep that tough internal judge at bay (look at you all sloppy looking, look how sharp those other guys are, you worthless POS).. Sometimes, all it takes is a funny look from someone to set that judge off on me. And if you work in a corporate environment, where you have power people in suits, and people that are as smooth as silk, it makes the ole confidence meter go below the zero notch. Once that happens, everyone can see it and the wolves in the pack POUNCE. They see that look of self-defeat and see me as weak (which is the worst thing you can be if you live in the Midwest, or maybe anywhere for that matter), which in turn makes the confidence go down even lower. Amazingly, though, my technical skills keeps me afloat, so I at least have a job (even if many at the job have zero respect for me), so I guess I gotta take that one trait and run with it!
Now i'm at the point where I can go home after work and pep myself up (if I can't do it, then a call to someone back home will help pull me through), and when I go into work the next day, i'm good to go, at least until noon, then it goes downhill again. At least it's better then before, where I would be depressed and down on myself the entire day.
Well, time to go to bed and start another day!
Its a real bitch trying to keep that tough internal judge at bay (look at you all sloppy looking, look how sharp those other guys are, you worthless POS).. Sometimes, all it takes is a funny look from someone to set that judge off on me. And if you work in a corporate environment, where you have power people in suits, and people that are as smooth as silk, it makes the ole confidence meter go below the zero notch. Once that happens, everyone can see it and the wolves in the pack POUNCE. They see that look of self-defeat and see me as weak (which is the worst thing you can be if you live in the Midwest, or maybe anywhere for that matter), which in turn makes the confidence go down even lower. Amazingly, though, my technical skills keeps me afloat, so I at least have a job (even if many at the job have zero respect for me), so I guess I gotta take that one trait and run with it!
Now i'm at the point where I can go home after work and pep myself up (if I can't do it, then a call to someone back home will help pull me through), and when I go into work the next day, i'm good to go, at least until noon, then it goes downhill again. At least it's better then before, where I would be depressed and down on myself the entire day.
Well, time to go to bed and start another day!
triceratops
Well-known member
I have no reason to have low self esteem but I do I think it's part and parcel of SA as we tend to not be very confident in ourself's. I also noticed the slightest thing can put me in a bad mood grrr is that just me or is it just because people with SA tend to be quite sensitive.
Faith
Active member
I do have low self esteem, but my co-workers & friends don't notice it! I've confided to them about my anxiety and they couldn't believe it! The thing is, my coming out with it, made them open up to their own "problems", depression, seeing a psych, etc.
I always have this same "soundtrack" playing over and over in mind, that people won't like me, or they'll notice my anxiety and think I'm strange. You know, the physical sypmtoms that you get, blushing, sweating, afraid to speak in meetings/public. I force myself to do those things, eventhough I look like a trembling chihuahua in the process of going about these staff meetings.
I always have this same "soundtrack" playing over and over in mind, that people won't like me, or they'll notice my anxiety and think I'm strange. You know, the physical sypmtoms that you get, blushing, sweating, afraid to speak in meetings/public. I force myself to do those things, eventhough I look like a trembling chihuahua in the process of going about these staff meetings.
Horatio
Well-known member
I got low self esteem, the more I try to overcome my depression and anxiety, the more depressed and anxious I become
low self esteem is like being trapped in quicksand, the more you kick and squirm and try to get, the faster you sink
the only way to get out is if someone cares enough about you to hold out a stick and pull you out, but if noone cares then you drown a slow and frustrating death sorrounded by filth
low self esteem is like being trapped in quicksand, the more you kick and squirm and try to get, the faster you sink
the only way to get out is if someone cares enough about you to hold out a stick and pull you out, but if noone cares then you drown a slow and frustrating death sorrounded by filth
Lost_Nomad
Well-known member
yes. i have no selfesteem. I get depressed and other things to do with SA, its comman.
DazedNConfused
Well-known member
Faith said:I do have low self esteem, but my co-workers & friends don't notice it! I've confided to them about my anxiety and they couldn't believe it! The thing is, my coming out with it, made them open up to their own "problems", depression, seeing a psych, etc.
I always have this same "soundtrack" playing over and over in mind, that people won't like me, or they'll notice my anxiety and think I'm strange. You know, the physical sypmtoms that you get, blushing, sweating, afraid to speak in meetings/public. I force myself to do those things, eventhough I look like a trembling chihuahua in the process of going about these staff meetings.
I know what you mean about the staff meetings... Every month we have those, the last one I went to, we had to introduce ourselves, and as my turn came closer, I got nervous, for apparently no reason, all I had to do was say my name and what I do.. I kept telling myself the fear was irrational, but as I started speaking, I must have had some wierd mannerisms, because people were looking at me differently as I was talking, differently then how they were looking at the other people as said they're spiel. Then, when I was asked a question by the Divisional President (really a good guy, but I don't think he quite understands my demeanor), another teammate (young girl, new to our team) chimed up for me, answering his question for me, basically making me feel like I was "owned" and couldn't speak for myself. I hate to take it this way, but it makes me worried that despite all my hard work (i've done A LOT for our department), I will get passed up for promotion by this young, outgoing lady, because of the damned SA :x .... Maybe she was trying to be nice, but it didn't feel that way (might be a flaw in how I perceive things? I dunno).
It's also embarasing when I lift my palm off the table and there is a sweat impression left from my nervousness. Damn, I HATE THAT!
Just trying to change my perception on things in hopes that the anxiety will go away. If that don't work, it's time to get on the meds.... I will do whatever it takes to shed myself of this disorder.