do you feel ashamed to have SP?

[romeno82]

do you feel ashamed to have SP, shyness, low confidence?

here the point:do you know what´s the function of the emotion shame?

im gonna tell you: to block other emotions. with shame you can freeze every emotion. this is why teachers use humiliation as a tool to control the kids. cos its the powerfulst one

and what happens when you feel ashamend of your SP, shyness, low confidence??? one-million dollar question. you freeze it in you. and you cant change!

sure you cant to be proud of your shyness, but thats whats here. at this moment. so accept it as something thats here but something changeable


im gonna tell you: shame on yourself is one of the main causes for SP

so stop it instantly

 

[Emma]

Why do people constantly have to make you feel ashamed for it?
Are we lepers that belong on and island doomed to spend the rest of our lives alone?
Are we murderers or rapists.....I think it's a big fat NO on all of them, so why do people have to make out like it's something to be frowned upon....What's with the look people get, like someone with this problem is an insect on party food that should be squashed quickly?
I mean seriously, give me a fucking break (sorry about the swearing)

 

[romeno82]

Why do people constantly have to make you feel ashamed for it?

wrong. we do it to ourself. the point is: why cant we legitimate our SP?

i can and want say it: my name is roman, im 24y old, i suffer from SP, and i respect myself for having this painful suffering. even though i have SP i feel worthy to love myself and to be loved. and im proud to be myself with or without SP

here begins healing

 

[aguppylife]

Everyone has problems. The only problem with sp is that we tend not to socialize with people, so we don't hear about them having problems.....

So life is about finding solutions to the problems that we face, ashamed or not, Cheers.

 

[euphoria13]

im gonna tell you: shame on yourself is the main cause for SP

so stop it instantly

I'm sorry but someone telling me to stop feeling anxious isn't going to do me any good except make me feel worse, more anxious and more alone :roll:

As it goes, I'm not ashamed of being anxious... it's a chemcial imbalance that I've had all my life. It's just something that I don't feel like shouting out to the world.

 

[romeno82]

im gonna tell you: shame on yourself is the main cause for SP

so stop it instantly

I'm sorry but someone telling me to stop feeling anxious isn't going to do me any good except make me feel worse, more anxious and more alone :roll:

As it goes, I'm not ashamed of being anxious... it's a chemcial imbalance that I've had all my life. It's just something that I don't feel like shouting out to the world.

i didnt write a word about stopping to be anxious or shouting it to the world. i just sad dont be ashamed for the problems you are facing. And SP is hard enough to face. so dont add shame to your problems

it's a chemcial imbalance that I've had all my life

good that you see it this way, some peolple think that its their fault to have SP.

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

I think that all of you are addressing really important things here.

The mention of the vicious circle is relevant. Some advice about getting over anxiety from someone who overcame it after years of severe anxiety, was like this: "You need to lose the fear of fear".

I think that the vicious circle is like being a boxer who doesn't know how to take a punch. And that overcoming any difficulty in a world full of constant change and the challenges that this brings, requires being able to look at who one is and what one is about with a new perspective. That if instead of feeling hurt when we are punched, if we could get past the hurt, we could stop the cycle of hitting back only to get hit again. That if we ourselves could view our 'negative' as having a fundamental root positive about it with the rest being subject to being negative, we would give ourselves something to always see as good despite what happened -despite however we may be evaluated negatively. We would certainly stop the need to CARE what others thought of us, because we would not need anyone else's support. Basing ourself on this would allow us to stop the 'vicious circle'. We would see the 'new circle'. Like seeing the perfection within what we still believe is imperfection.

What is wrong with being sensitive, emotionally receptive and shy? If we could see how all of these characteristics are basically perfect and good, we could be like a boxer that can take a punch -being that we could acquire a flexibility and adaptability to the foreign outside world that asks us to sometimes be more extroverted and less sensitive. But we would not be asking ourselves to change something that we cannot change, nor should even want to change.

This is the basis of what I know so far. Getting the awareness and clarity to know what thoughts I have in the midst of a flood of anxious, nervous emotions, is something that I am still working on and trying to understand.

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

And Emma,
if people are particularly judgmental it is because they feel the need to put a distance between you and them. The rest is fairly obvious...
but, take this as the evidence that Social Phobia however distressing and disabling, is in fact not so far removed from the ordinary person. They say that underlying anxiety problems in a 'fear of fear'. after a while, I think you will be able to see through such people (not worry of what they say or think) and because of this, forgive them.

 

[romeno82]

for me, the best and fastest way to break the vicious circle andchange yourself is this:


first you have to accept what you are now, and from this point on you can move to what you wanna be.

like ex: ok im shy, insecure of me, weird, thats what im now. Thats just the way i am. without feeling guilty or ashamed. from this point it is just half so hard to move forward instead as if you would just deny tha fact that you are insecure, shy... and fight straight against.

with acceptance you discharge the pression of the emotion. and from here its easyer to go where you want.

have anyone the same expirienced the same?

 

[discosuperfly]

I'm not ashamed of it but I don't like to tout it why would anyone. It's kind of a disability. Like a learnig disability something you didn't bring on yourself but makes your life harder. I think accepting it as a temporary condition you need to improve upon is healthier than being ashamed. When people conquer this problem and they can shame or not; with work I'm sure they will feel no more shame but a real sense of accomplishment
and be proud to admit they had these fears and overcame them.

 

[discosuperfly]

Why do people constantly have to make you feel ashamed for it?
Are we lepers that belong on and island doomed to spend the rest of our lives alone?
Are we murderers or rapists.....I think it's a big fat NO on all of them, so why do people have to make out like it's something to be frowned upon....What's with the look people get, like someone with this problem is an insect on party food that should be squashed quickly?
I mean seriously, give me a fucking break (sorry about the swearing)

For most people it's really more of a misunderstanding they don't mean to treat you poorly it's probably that your beahior seems aloof, distant or antisocial so they may treat you unfriedly. They just don't understand people have fears like SP.

 

[renegadee]

for me, the best and fastest way to break the vicious circle andchange yourself is this:


first you have to accept what you are now, and from this point on you can move to what you wanna be.

like ex: ok im shy, insecure of me, weird, thats what im now. Thats just the way i am. without feeling guilty or ashamed. from this point it is just half so hard to move forward instead as if you would just deny tha fact that you are insecure, shy... and fight straight against.

with acceptance you discharge the pression of the emotion. and from here its easyer to go where you want.

have anyone the same expirienced the same?

Yes, this is the way that my doctor suggested, to ACCEPT that i have Sp and not be be ashamed to admit it. If you can do that you conquerd SP half way.

The fact is I cannot accept that. I'm more succesfull with Horatio's aproach: fuck the world.

 

[romeno82]

for me, the best and fastest way to break the vicious circle andchange yourself is this:


first you have to accept what you are now, and from this point on you can move to what you wanna be.

like ex: ok im shy, insecure of me, weird, thats what im now. Thats just the way i am. without feeling guilty or ashamed. from this point it is just half so hard to move forward instead as if you would just deny tha fact that you are insecure, shy... and fight straight against.

with acceptance you discharge the pression of the emotion. and from here its easyer to go where you want.

have anyone the same expirienced the same?

Yes, this is the way that my doctor suggested, to ACCEPT that i have Sp and not be be ashamed to admit it. If you can do that you conquerd SP half way.

The fact is I cannot accept that. I'm more succesfull with Horatio's aproach: fuck the world.

ha ha ha. yeah i think its the best way.

being serious i make you an example of what i mean. it is not that you have to accept the fact that you are this and this... you have to approve yourself with this and this. thats important to understand.

i make you a proposal: try to approve yourself unconditionally and see what happens.
just legitimate how you really are. you gonna have an astonishing change of your condition. and very fast. within 1 month. bet 100D. tahts not mystic. its physics. something to change needs to become what it is.

 

[Quixote]

I am EXTREMELY ashamed of it. Of course I know it's not a moral fault on my part etc... but the fact is social phobia is simply totally not compatible with my personality and self image, which can't be "fixed".

 

[romeno82]

i dont wanna sound here like the "know it all", but fact is if you approve yourself your phobia will be halfed.
you have to approve yourself unconditionally. in this condition you dont have to subject yourself to judment of others if you are the one who approves himself.
in this condition you are beyond judgment. from positive and negative judgment. and with it goes the worries what others might think of you.

 

[HughJass]

I know what you mean. I was involved in an organization that stressed that any weakness in your life was wrong. It taught me to be very ashamed of my sa, and drove me to such anger at myself. I went through the whole suicide thoughts thing, the self-mutilation and other destructive ways we have of punishing ourselves. Four years after leaving that organization I started to realise absolutely everyone in the world has issues, and I can’t be angry with myself for having them too.

Now that I accept that I have sa and have forgiven myself, I no longer get so full of self hatred and severe depression. I still hate having sa, but I no longer hate myself.


But I love the fuck the world technique too!

 

[romeno82]

the problem is that for us, having SP is like having leprosy. We feel like a cripple with SP.

Why is that so?

I think cos it inibits our abilities to handle social situations and social life, and social life determines your status, your "worth", your chanches to find a good partner. And cos you cant fight for all that, beeing on others people level,cos you are uncomfortable around people, its clear that you perceive your SP like a threat for life!

And it is a threat for life, so its OK to feel bad about SP.


But the paradox is that if you fight SP and are ashamed of it, it will only get worse. The only chanche we have is to approve our condition, and so others also will approve you. not other way around. And also the pressure on SP will loosen up.

 

[Horatio]

don't be ashamed of your socialphobia.... sure it causes discomfort and life might seem easier without it but the best thing you can do is wear your SP like a badge of honour

stop looking at what it denies you and look instead at the things you can be thankful for

perhaps it has kept you out of harmful relationships? perhaps it has sheilded your personality from being too polluted by society? In all cases your SP will make you a much stronger person than if you never had it

dont be ashamed of your SP, are others ashamed of being selfish arrogant jerks? no they are not! so why should you be ashamed of being inflicted with a condition which renders you into a position where you can barely stick up for yourself let alone target others?

whilst SP does often turn one's focus upon themselves and their perceivied inability to interact I think that on the whole SPers are on average considerably more friendly, open, honest, caring, trustworthy and less selfish than a lot of their non SP peers

embrace the oppurtunity that SP has given you to be independant of others. if you stop seeing it as a weakness then you will stop being ashamed of it.

H

xx

 

[maggie]

depressed, embarrassed and hopeless...ashamed..? no just really depressed.

yeah, just what she said

 

[romeno82]

don't be ashamed of your socialphobia.... sure it causes discomfort and life might seem easier without it but the best thing you can do is wear your SP like a badge of honour

stop looking at what it denies you and look instead at the things you can be thankful for

perhaps it has kept you out of harmful relationships? perhaps it has sheilded your personality from being too polluted by society? In all cases your SP will make you a much stronger person than if you never had it

dont be ashamed of your SP, are others ashamed of being selfish arrogant jerks? no they are not! so why should you be ashamed of being inflicted with a condition which renders you into a position where you can barely stick up for yourself let alone target others?

whilst SP does often turn one's focus upon themselves and their perceivied inability to interact I think that on the whole SPers are on average considerably more friendly, open, honest, caring, trustworthy and less selfish than a lot of their non SP peers

embrace the oppurtunity that SP has given you to be independant of others. if you stop seeing it as a weakness then you will stop being ashamed of it.

H

xx

hi horatio,
thats your point of wiev an i respect it. but i dont meant a second to try to be positive about our SP. SP has caused us to be nearby cripples.

what i meant i that you should see our SP as something that has been done to us. And thats the way it is. SP is caused by deadly wrong education, who goes against of what we are meant to be. Its caused by a perfectionistic ideal of our society where no weakness is allowed. Its caused by teachers who humiliate kids. Its caused by your peers telling you that you are too skinny. Its caused by pressure you to be what you are not. Its caused by FEAR. Its caused by the belief that your genes are ill. Its caused by parents who dont accept the weak side of the kid, and tausend more.


But not by YOU! YOU ARE THE VICTIM!
you are the one who has been raped in your soul

thats the cause why you should not be ashamed fot it!
and you should be proud of youself to have been so strong these years

PS. i would suggest you to read the books of john bradshaw. They explain you why we are the way we are