Do some people tell you you're a defensive person?

[nope1]

I just hate the fact now that I don't like certain jokes. I've had too much B.S in my life that I can't just be relax and just laugh at certain jokes.

For me, it's like they are always against me and now, to protect myself, I have to respond in a defensive manner. Plus, what angers me is some people say "Wow, chill, you need to relax a little and just take the jokes, let him with me for 2 months and I'll change him". What the #$@ are you trying to say?!.

Because at the time, people were fun of me at high school and I just stood there, like a stupid shy person, taking them. Plus the vacation 2 years ago has really closed me down. I can't bring someone close to me until a couple of months... until I know he/she deserves it.
And this is bad because if I want to live in society, I'll have to become less defensive.

I don't know... I just can't bring myself to just let go. Everything is a danger to me. Sometimes I tell myself, I'm a lovable person? Will I ever be able to marry? Because to love someone, you need to bring your romantic side, your calm and confident person... I just don't know...

 

[nimrodel]

I just hate the fact now that I don't like certain jokes. I've had too much B.S in my life that I can't just be relax and just laugh at certain jokes.

For me, it's like they are always against me and now, to protect myself, I have to respond in a defensive manner. Plus, what angers me is some people say "Wow, chill, you need to relax a little and just take the jokes, let him with me for 2 months and I'll change him". What the #$@ are you trying to say?!.

Because at the time, people were fun of me at high school and I just stood there, like a stupid shy person, taking them. Plus the vacation 2 years ago has really closed me down. I can't bring someone close to me until a couple of months... until I know he/she deserves it.
And this is bad because if I want to live in society, I'll have to become less defensive.

I don't know... I just can't bring myself to just let go. Everything is a danger to me. Sometimes I tell myself, I'm a lovable person? Will I ever be able to marry? Because to love someone, you need to bring your romantic side, your calm and confident person... I just don't know...

I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes when people say stuff, I immediately assume they're referring to myself and I get really defensive and depressed. A couple times, I've brought it up and most of the time, people were shocked because it turns out they weren't talking about me in the first place. But I think it is important to relax and not care as much about what other people think/say. Sometimes, past experiences can make this really hard which is why it's better to try changing yourself amongst people that don't really know you well yet.

I know how it feels like to stand there, awkwardly when you're a shy person and let everyone else talk crap about you. But they have no right to do this, just like you have no right to allow them to. Because you're a pretty decent person and it's not like they're any better. But I'm positive you will be able to get married in the future. Love doesn't depend on a person being calm or confident, it's all about the intentions and the feelings you have for them - that's what most people find romantic.

I've recently been making a concious effort not to take myself so seriously and I feel like it has been working. I can laugh off certain people's remarks (to a very small degree) but it has been generally more relaxing. Maybe you could try laughing it off if you find these jokes are true. But if they're not, then it's good to get defensive so other people realize that they've crossed the line.

 

[Kinetik]

This is one thing I get quite often. I can't take any sort of criticism without freaking out. I'm a nice guy until someone says something about me, and they can mean it constructively or whatever, but it doesn't matter, I still feel angry. Then I come off like I have a chip on my shoulder, when really I just hate being scrutinized in any way. I need to get a much thicker skin if I want to get through life.

 

[Jack-B]

When you become too defensive, everyone else will seem to be much more offensive.

When you become less defensive, others will seem less offensive.

When you become open, others sense it, they relax, they become less offensive and more open, more relaxed, less defensive.

Which feels better?

The isolation, seperated feeling of trying to protect yourself like this is not working.

To really protect yourself, you need to generate the feelings of openess and develop that warm heart you already have. You are a loveable person, of course you are but are you letting anyone see that warm heart?

Protecting yourself with invisible barriers which others can sense serves only to trap you in a room filled with deadly gas. Free your heart by being warm to others, this actually generates happiness and pleasant feelings in your mind. It doesnt matter what others think, just focus on slowly loosening your grip on your heart, you know you are a loveable person, dont be afraid to show them whats inside.

Jack

 

[Jack-B]

When you become too defensive, everyone else will seem to be much more offensive.

When you become less defensive, others will seem less offensive.

When you become open, others sense it, they relax, they become less offensive and more open, more relaxed, less defensive.

Which feels better?

The isolation, seperated feeling of trying to protect yourself like this is not working.

To really protect yourself, you need to generate the feelings of openess and develop that warm heart you already have. You are a loveable person, of course you are but are you letting anyone see that warm heart?

Protecting yourself with invisible barriers which others can sense serves only to trap you in a room filled with deadly gas. Free your heart by being warm to others, this actually generates happiness and pleasant feelings in your mind. It doesnt matter what others think, just focus on slowly loosening your grip on your heart, you know you are a loveable person, dont be afraid to show them whats inside.

Jack

 

[loucat]

People don't tell me i'm defensive, but they have told me i can be aggressive or blunt which i find a little surprising as i don't go out of my way to be like that :!: