If at first you don't succeed...What is important is that you keep things up. Don't you think that it's very brave of you to still keep trying although you don't necessarily get the kind of result that you would like? I think it is. Give yourself some credit and a pat on the back.
Exactly! Keep that in mind. Everyone is entitled to their likes and dislikes, but at the same time no one is entitled to being liked or disliked by anyone. Yes, even if it would be pleasant if everyone liked us. If they ignore you then just move on. Who knows what's going on in their heads?
People aren't always open and friendly, but that doesn't necessarily have to reflect negatively on them or on you.
Thing is, these people don't know that you are trying hard for a good reason. You're trying to get over your social phobia. I think that eventually as you become more comfortable in your own skin and in social situations, you won't have to try as hard. Things will get easier with more time, and exposure. If they're going to hold it against you that you're trying hard, then it's their problem not yours. You will eventually find someone who is more understanding. You don't have to be in a pleasant/happy mood for anyone else but you. Don't feel that you have to plaster on a smile for others.
Do you feel that you are unlikeable unless others like you? You're the first person that you have to make happy at this point.
I'm not encouraging you to be a selfish jerk, but you have to think about liking yourself and not others liking you. Once you learn to be more comfortable in your own skin, others will follow.
Rejection will never be a pleasant thing, but the more you like and accept yourself, the better you will be able to cope with rejection without it damaging your self-esteem.
People are competitive by nature. You shouldn's see this as a threat or a personal attack. If someone is trying to make you feel bad it's most likely because they're insecure douche bags. Think about the kind of person one would have to be in order to wish to make another person feel bad. If you know that someone is trying to do this to you just shake your head or laugh it off. You'll come out the bigger person. Again, although you may accept or want to accept others, you should never expect them to do the same with you or anyone else.
All you can do is make sure that you are accepting, kind or attentive. Don't worry about what others choose to do because you can't control that. It's not your responsibility to control what others accept or do not accept.
Also, just because you accept a person, even if they know this, doesn't mean that they will automatically accept you. It seems unfair but that's just how life is. That is how people are. It doesn't have to be devastating.
I know this and you know this, but you can't expect others to know. Others may or may not get the wrong idea, but it's not your responsibility to control this.
They're adults just as you are.
You're welcome, sweetie. You're already challenging yourself by putting yourself out there. It takes a lot of balls for people like us to do what you're doing. I think this is something worth being proud of.
Keep challenging those negative thoughts and try replacing them with more rational, sensible thoughts. Things will not always be pleasant or easy, but it's important that you keep trying. Keep your head up and be more forgiving of yourself. I have found that when I allow myself forgiveness, I find it easier to forgive others. Who knows? This might work for you too. Keep up the good work.
Well, its kind of like that. I'm not exactly going out every day etc. But i am trying to take any opportunities that pop up. I believe that my attitude has improved alot, and that i'm more happy, relaxed and more open to people. The problem is that i am starting to feel physical panic, i guess i get excited at the fact that i could be succesful, and it makes me on the edge.
Yeah, i've had a few times when i've felt ok, but my expression/body language was poor, so i probably closed myself to people, when i was actually desperate to meet others.
So many memories. Its ironic that as i grew up, i got more and more shy/reserved, yet i had more and more people wanting to know me. I never felt that they had any depth, and only wanted to know me on a superficial level. Which was true for the most part. I always hated it if people tried to make me smile in a picture, because if a smile isn't genuine it just looks awkward. And i think its the same for social situations, if i'm not comfortable i look awkward! Finding more understanding people will definitely help me overcome my anxieties. I honestly think i could go places and enjoy life with some nice people, if i ever find them.
Yeah, thats one of my problems. I've always felt more comfortable knowing if people liked me. If i'm standing around without knowing anyone, i start to feel embarrased and unwanted. Thats the plan (about rejection) i just need to stop the panic and dread.
You've got that right! (they have nothing better to do than show off). I believe that i am kind and accepting (mostly, unless they look shady/dangerous of course).
I do worry about what others choose, because sometimes it can be scary what they value, and i can feel very left out and different.
I know, its just upsetting if most people i want to know aren't bothered, it makes me feel that i'm not wanted because of my lack of social life. I think people should be judged on their personality, and not status!
Some of the most outgoing people are extremely childish. I feel childish because of my lack of social skills, but on the other hand i feel mature because of my sensibilities. Feeling like an adult can be difficult.
Yeah, i try to keep positive and motivated. But before/after socialising or going outside, i feel like i'm "going to get caught" (even though i've done nothing wrong) i feel over excited, filled with anxiety/panic. Mostly because i know that i haven't met anyone new, and that i'm going to spend the rest of the day/week/year lonely still.
