B
BethanyAngelstar
Guest
I have a lot of tendencies that aren't listed, so I wondered if someone could tell me if I might have OCD or not. It's not like I WANT to have it or anything (for those of you who think I just want to HAVE something), I just want to have a name to all the weird things I tend to DO.
Basically, I unfortunately have always, as far as I can remember, of a bit of sexually explicit thinking but mostly violent scenarios that include strangers or my family. I'm not the one who is hurting here, not all the time...it's only once in a while. It's mostly a stranger walking in an hurting my family. I will think of horrible situations in my mind for what might have caused someone to not come home (like for my parents or my boyfriend who drives a long way home at night every day for work). Anything I had myself do in the ideas I would NEVER do to my family or ANYONE...but it's still there. I find that writing out stories where things HAPPEN to me helps, but other than that...yeah.
Also, I tend to go from real obsession to real obsession. There was a time where I was obsessed with the trumpet...and then the pennywhistle...and then sewing...and then scrapbooking...and college (that has lasted several months, and I'm still in that obsession), and I even got absolutely obsessed over my boyfriend before we started dating. I KNOW people who are in love or have a crush, but all I THOUGHT about was him...I had a hard time not being on the computer in fear of missing him. I STILL have that fear, so sometimes, I'll be on the computer all DAY to wait for him to log into skype and talk. I will turn offers down, sometimes, to be with him on the computer, since we hardly ever get to see each other. Most obsessions will come and go within a month or so, but a few obsessions have lasted a LONG time. I'm STILL obsessed with my boyfriend, and it's been a year since he and I have joined up as a couple. I'm STILL obsessed with my college, but hopefully, I might calm down from that once I'm THERE, and I'm STILL obsessed with my stories, which...which actually become somewhat of a reality to me.
Yes...my stories almost become reality. When I was younger, I had a few months where I honestly thought that I was being lied to by my parents about some microchip in my head and that I wasn't their real daughter...and that transformers (the robots) were real. REALLY real. They got me out of that by taking away anything that had fueled me with the idea, but I find myself thinking that some characters could pop up any TIME and any PLACE. I often find myself thinking about being kidnapped by some strange character with the ability to create portals and take me away to be tortured. I don't know WHY! And...sometimes, I wonder if some events are from a certain character...or things I see are just flashes of someone. I don't know.
I have a mild cleanliness compulsion. I can't seem to keep my room CLEAN, but when it comes to my workspace or the rest of the home, I can't help but organize things. Pencils have to be aligned, everything has to have a place, no messy drawers, etc. Even my purse (a big tote bag) is somewhat organized.
I walk in time with things...like if I'm singing a song, I walk in time to the rhythm. Or visa-versa. I have a hard time walking on cracks in the sidewalk...I make an effort to keep myself from doing that. I even sometimes will walk really weird to avoid cracks in patterned walkways.
Do I have mild OCD? Or are all these just a basic obsession thing? Because, I don't know what to call these things...or if they're all unrelated or ANYTHING. I just want SOMETHING to call it! You know? Instead of giving and entire speel to someone, I can say "I have (blank)."
Help.
Basically, I unfortunately have always, as far as I can remember, of a bit of sexually explicit thinking but mostly violent scenarios that include strangers or my family. I'm not the one who is hurting here, not all the time...it's only once in a while. It's mostly a stranger walking in an hurting my family. I will think of horrible situations in my mind for what might have caused someone to not come home (like for my parents or my boyfriend who drives a long way home at night every day for work). Anything I had myself do in the ideas I would NEVER do to my family or ANYONE...but it's still there. I find that writing out stories where things HAPPEN to me helps, but other than that...yeah.
Also, I tend to go from real obsession to real obsession. There was a time where I was obsessed with the trumpet...and then the pennywhistle...and then sewing...and then scrapbooking...and college (that has lasted several months, and I'm still in that obsession), and I even got absolutely obsessed over my boyfriend before we started dating. I KNOW people who are in love or have a crush, but all I THOUGHT about was him...I had a hard time not being on the computer in fear of missing him. I STILL have that fear, so sometimes, I'll be on the computer all DAY to wait for him to log into skype and talk. I will turn offers down, sometimes, to be with him on the computer, since we hardly ever get to see each other. Most obsessions will come and go within a month or so, but a few obsessions have lasted a LONG time. I'm STILL obsessed with my boyfriend, and it's been a year since he and I have joined up as a couple. I'm STILL obsessed with my college, but hopefully, I might calm down from that once I'm THERE, and I'm STILL obsessed with my stories, which...which actually become somewhat of a reality to me.
Yes...my stories almost become reality. When I was younger, I had a few months where I honestly thought that I was being lied to by my parents about some microchip in my head and that I wasn't their real daughter...and that transformers (the robots) were real. REALLY real. They got me out of that by taking away anything that had fueled me with the idea, but I find myself thinking that some characters could pop up any TIME and any PLACE. I often find myself thinking about being kidnapped by some strange character with the ability to create portals and take me away to be tortured. I don't know WHY! And...sometimes, I wonder if some events are from a certain character...or things I see are just flashes of someone. I don't know.
I have a mild cleanliness compulsion. I can't seem to keep my room CLEAN, but when it comes to my workspace or the rest of the home, I can't help but organize things. Pencils have to be aligned, everything has to have a place, no messy drawers, etc. Even my purse (a big tote bag) is somewhat organized.
I walk in time with things...like if I'm singing a song, I walk in time to the rhythm. Or visa-versa. I have a hard time walking on cracks in the sidewalk...I make an effort to keep myself from doing that. I even sometimes will walk really weird to avoid cracks in patterned walkways.
Do I have mild OCD? Or are all these just a basic obsession thing? Because, I don't know what to call these things...or if they're all unrelated or ANYTHING. I just want SOMETHING to call it! You know? Instead of giving and entire speel to someone, I can say "I have (blank)."
Help.