Do I have OCD?

[KayJay88]

Okay... for the last month I've been in a lot of distress. It all started because I babysit for these kids. The little boy I babysit for is six and he acts in sexual ways. It really makes me uncomfortable. I think this is where the disturbing thoughts stem from. For a few weeks I got disturbing images in my head of kids getting sexually abused and sometimes I'd picture me doing it. It's like I couldn't control my mind. These thoughts scare the hell out of me cause I would never ever want to do something like that. It's sick. But after a couple weeks a part my brain started saying "What if you really wanted to do these things?" and I'd be like of course I would never want to do those things, but my brain would keep question me and telling me that maybe I only think it's sick cause it's morally wrong, etc. But no, I really think it's sick and disgusting and the worst thing in the entire world in my opinion. So I don't get why my mind kept question myself... it freaked me out and still does. The thoughts have pretty much stopped now and my mind has stopped question myself, but about a week or two ago I got into this mood where I felt I needed to test myself by purposely thinking the thoughts to see how my body would react. All I can say it it was one of the worst feelings I've ever had, I felt physically ill. But my mind keeps thinking about every little thing and I constantly ask myself "What if there was some kinds of positive reaction I'm not remembering?" I know there wasn't but my mind is trying to trick me into thinking there was almost creating a fake memory... I keep obsessing over it and I can't stop. It makes me so sick and depressed. And another thing, when I was about six I was put in a sexual situation by a older neighbor boy. He took me and this other six year old boy in a shed and wouldn't let us out until we took our clothes off and started touching and kissing each others privates and stuff. I don't remember much but I remember blaming myself for that when I was little. I'm not sure if that would have anything to do with what's happening now, though.

Oh and about three years ago I got into this obsession with thinking "What if I am gay?" My mind kept obsessing over that and I felt really depressed. I had a ton of intrusive thoughts like I have been having the past month. I knew I wasn't, but my mind just wouldn't stop obsessing over every feeling my body felt, etc. That seems like a walk in the park to what I've been going through now.

In general I've always obsessed about things in my mind. If I like a show or band or something I obsessed about it and that's all that on my mind. Any kind of problem I have I do the same thing... but my main concern is what I'm going through right now cause I feel like a horrible person and I just want all the obsessing to stop because it's ruining my life.

And if age or gender has anything do with it... I'm female and 18.

Does it sound like I have OCD?

 

[afterforever]

I'm 20 and male, and I can tell you that is definitely OCD, especially where you described those thoughts about sexual abuse. I know this from experience, because I'll get weird, intrusive sexual thoughts sometimes too. And just like in your case, they are totally NOT characteristic of me. Complete, and polar opposite of who I am. And it would try and push these things onto me, telling me this is how I really felt and so and so forth, even though it's completely full of it. And it's absolutely terrible that you had to endure what you did when you were six; no child should have to endure that. But I can completely see where you're coming from.

 

[svirf]

Those are very typical OCD style thoughts and you might consider seeking a little help for them .. not because you NEED help, but so that you can learn about what OCD really is and to recognize what those thoughts are.

I can recommend a REALLY good book called "rewind, replay, repeat" by a guy named Jeff Beff. He has a form of OCD similar to yours. The book is an eye opener. It was amazing to read it and realize that I wasnt alone, and that someone knew EXACTLY what I felt like. .. Such a good book.

svirf

 

[drd77]

I can relate to you. Yes, you have OCD. I have thoughts all the time that won't go away questioning whether or not I am gay or bisexual. If I see a good-looking person of the same sex I have to tell myself in my mind everytime that he was good-looking but nothing else, as in I'm not attracted to him sexually. It has been hell for me these past 3 or so years with this. It drives me crazy because I know deep down that I really do like women not men and that I would never do such a thing with another man. Just writing that disgusts me. But, it just won't go away. I have been contemplating getting help and maybe you should too.

I have also had other obcessive thoughts like one time I thought that I was having a heart-attack and kept checking myself like holding my hand over my heart to see if it was still beating. I thought that my chest was really hurting, but my mind just made it up. I ended up going to the doctor and everything was fine. I also had other stuff like thinking I had appendicitis or a hernia and reading on WebMD what the symtomps are.

There's a website that's dedicated to sexual OCD. It has a forum that only talks about this type of OCD. It's http://www.neuroticplanet.com/forum/
There are also many articles dedicated to this type of OCD that I suggest you read. Good luck to you and I hope that you are successful in beating this shit.

 

[iameatingjam]

I get those all the time >.>
especially the
mind: I think you like that guy, you must be gay
me: no I'm not
mind: but what if you are, here let me just plant this image of you and him sexually in your mind
me: no thats gross I don't wish for that and don't want to think about it
mind: too bad I'm displaying it for you anyway

I also get

mind: look at that girl, I bet you'd want to cheat on your girlfriend with here
me: no I don't I love my girlfriend
mind: do you? are you sure?
me: YES
it drives me crazy

 

[SammyT]

I get this. I've never recognised it as OCD though, I think alot of things which do not relate to the core of who I am. Are your OCD thoughts always in passing or do they definitively begin and end?

Sometimes I feel like a sick person because I 'allow' my mind to think twisted things, even though I do not will myself to experience them - they just sorta "crop up"

is this not normal?

BTW I have been diagnosed with depression, social anxiety body dysmorphia but not OCD. I take venlafaxine which has helped all of these problems to different extents.

 

[pjc104]

definitely OCD symptoms... very typical OCD obsessions

 

[osse]

Does it sound like I have OCD?

Yes, it sounds like OCD. Usually the mind will throw you thoughts that are the most distressing to you. Thoughts and images about sex with children is a common theme. I know because I have OCD, too. If you can make them not to affect you they won't come so often, but OCD is serious enough to go see a doctor.