illusions_24
New member
I really need to know if i do have OCD or not. I'm currently obsessing (haha) over whether i do or not, and its driving me crazy!!
I have always been a cautious person, checking to make sure things are where they should be and that i have done things right. But ever since i was 11-12 years old i developed a routine or ritual before i went to bed. I thought that it was normal, but when i talked with my friends or had sleepovers i realised that i was different. I was always terrified as a child that while i was sleeping that someone would break into my home and kill my family and I. I was so scared of the dark, of not knowing what was there that i began checking in my wardrobe and under my bed before i went to sleep. I even checked my sheets for spiders which would take 10 minutes. And then i heard from a tv add that there were such things as bed bugs and that made my night ritual worse. I would tuck the bottoms of my pants into my socks, my shirt into my pants, ball the ends of my shirt sleeves in my hands and make sure that my hair was covering my ears then i lay as still as a statue. I would think that if i didn't do this then the bed bugs would get into my skin and i would die. It would take me about an hour to fall asleep because often i would think about my fears of the dark and whether or not the doors were locked, that i would have to turn the light back on and check. I would do this at least 4 times before i would feel content that they were locked and each time i would have to tuck my pjamas in again.
That was like 8 years ago, and now it is so much worse. i get yelled at from my mother beacuse "its not my job to check that the doors are locked". I check them every night before i go to bed exactly four times and if i feel the need to check it for the fifth time, then i have to check another three times so that i checked four times twice. I also have to touch certain objects four times before i leave the room, sometimes 16 times especially if its before i go to bed. I still check my wardrobe and under my bed but now i also have to check behind the curtains, the corners of the roof in a room, that the windows are closed and under tables and desks. I know that it is completely irrational to think that by checking under my desk that it will somehow stop some murderer from killing me, but i just cant stop. Its kind of like an addiction, where you do it and it makes you feel better, well relieved in this case, and so you do it again. I also count alot, like random things i will count mostly in fours but in twos also, especially when i am checking things.
I mentioned to two of my friends that i wanted to see a psychologist because i think that i have OCD and they scoffed at me and said that they had habits like putting their left leg in first when putting pants on and turning the dial on the microwave to point at zero. It was then that i realised that i might trully have OCD because i cannot control my need to check things and to count when i do. I get so fusturated sometimes and upset because i'm not like other people who can just got straight to bed without a second thought and some nights when the compulsions are really bad, i just get really angry at myself because i cant stop.
I know that i wrote like a novel here, but do i have OCD???
I have always been a cautious person, checking to make sure things are where they should be and that i have done things right. But ever since i was 11-12 years old i developed a routine or ritual before i went to bed. I thought that it was normal, but when i talked with my friends or had sleepovers i realised that i was different. I was always terrified as a child that while i was sleeping that someone would break into my home and kill my family and I. I was so scared of the dark, of not knowing what was there that i began checking in my wardrobe and under my bed before i went to sleep. I even checked my sheets for spiders which would take 10 minutes. And then i heard from a tv add that there were such things as bed bugs and that made my night ritual worse. I would tuck the bottoms of my pants into my socks, my shirt into my pants, ball the ends of my shirt sleeves in my hands and make sure that my hair was covering my ears then i lay as still as a statue. I would think that if i didn't do this then the bed bugs would get into my skin and i would die. It would take me about an hour to fall asleep because often i would think about my fears of the dark and whether or not the doors were locked, that i would have to turn the light back on and check. I would do this at least 4 times before i would feel content that they were locked and each time i would have to tuck my pjamas in again.
That was like 8 years ago, and now it is so much worse. i get yelled at from my mother beacuse "its not my job to check that the doors are locked". I check them every night before i go to bed exactly four times and if i feel the need to check it for the fifth time, then i have to check another three times so that i checked four times twice. I also have to touch certain objects four times before i leave the room, sometimes 16 times especially if its before i go to bed. I still check my wardrobe and under my bed but now i also have to check behind the curtains, the corners of the roof in a room, that the windows are closed and under tables and desks. I know that it is completely irrational to think that by checking under my desk that it will somehow stop some murderer from killing me, but i just cant stop. Its kind of like an addiction, where you do it and it makes you feel better, well relieved in this case, and so you do it again. I also count alot, like random things i will count mostly in fours but in twos also, especially when i am checking things.
I mentioned to two of my friends that i wanted to see a psychologist because i think that i have OCD and they scoffed at me and said that they had habits like putting their left leg in first when putting pants on and turning the dial on the microwave to point at zero. It was then that i realised that i might trully have OCD because i cannot control my need to check things and to count when i do. I get so fusturated sometimes and upset because i'm not like other people who can just got straight to bed without a second thought and some nights when the compulsions are really bad, i just get really angry at myself because i cant stop.
I know that i wrote like a novel here, but do i have OCD???
