One person that impacted HUGELY on my SA is my mother. Since i was little, she was extremely over protective and now that i am 17 she still puts fear on me. If someone gets rape and she sees it in the news she comes and tell me as if i don't know what is going on the world. The way she tells me the news is so that i would be careful but she also doesn't want me to go out. She has been like this since i was 8 years old, never wanted to let me go out with other people and always worries about what people have to say about US. I am simply tired of her, because i noticed that she makes me EXTREMELY NERVOUS. I can be at the computer peacefully and she comes screaming at the top of her LUNG and scares me and i have been thinking is something important. Then she proceeds to tell me, and screams at me for let say leaving a plate at the dish washer and i tell her i am going to go wash it now but YET she continues screaming. It makes me completely nervous, it makes me want to always be alone and it makes me unhappy. Sometimes i feel on top of the world but yet she always ruins it and sometimes i feel like i hate her because i feel she has ruin my life. Then there is my father who doesn't talk much and is always working.
Did your parents/family influenced your SA?
- Thread starter Jo1991
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TheNewZero
Well-known member
That's funny, I just had a fight with my mom about the same thing. I was going to drive to my aunt's house (4 hours away) alone and she said I couldn't because someone might abduct and rape me if my car breaks down. She then offered to show me articles of women who were brutally murdered so that I would know what 'happens in the real world'. Oi. My mom was very over-protective and also very emotionally abusive. I was never allowed to argue with her, and if my opinions differed from hers she would yell at me. She was also always very critical of every little thing I did. Still is.
Off The Wall
Well-known member
wow, welcome to my life.
i know exactly what you mean, i feel like my mum has contributed to my SA (ok perhaps not exactly what your talking about but oh well) i was extremely shy as a kid my mum being the biggest talker i know would always talk for me kind of thing it was like i was mute and everytime someone would ask me a question she'd never give me the option to speak she'd just answer it for me, it got to the point where i'd just look to her for the answer instead of even trying to answer someones question. I never learnt to be able to communicate with people even buying something from the shop i'd give her the money and she'd go pay for it for me. my friends would ring me up on the phone and i'd refuse to talk to them so she'd organise me going over to their house instead of me doing it myself its insane! now i feel like im completely dependant on her...
except she isnt very sympathetic towards me she gets pissed off if im shy (???) or if i get nervous, if i feel sick, even if i have the flu she gets angry at me, if i cry she'd call me a baby (hello im like 8? at the time i was 8 or so), i then learnt to hide my feelings from the world in fear of being judged.
i don't hate her though, i feel like she has her own anxieties its the only way i can forgive her. I think maybe she cares so much that it worries the crap outta her she has no clue how to deal with it? and i guess she isn't good at showing her emotions either, she never likes to cry infront of me or anything like that...
To me it sounds like your mum is just worrying about you. I know it sucks and its hard and you need a life of your own to be able to experience normal things everyone else does, make mistakes and learn from them. I think she is just being over-protective have you told her how you feel? she obviously loves you alot and doesn't want anything bad to ever happen to you...I guess she also has her own anxities and needs to deal with them? ( i feel like my mum has passed hers on to me, i never use to care about my appearence until she started calling herself fat all the time now im paranoid about how i look)
unfortunately there isn't much you can do? how old are you? are you able to move out? actually even just talk to someone? like a counciler or something? it's amazing how much better you feel once you've talked to someone they can offer advice about what to do also... I'd love to help but i feel like i'm in the same boat....
i cant even catch public transport cause i never learnt my mum would just drive me where i wanted to go...then one day she got a life of her own got divorced found someone else... i'm 20 and i feel like i've gotta go back to being 10 and learn how to communicate, how to be confident, how to cook, how to catch a damn bus, you know things you need in everyday life to be able to grow up and move outta home!
i know exactly what you mean, i feel like my mum has contributed to my SA (ok perhaps not exactly what your talking about but oh well) i was extremely shy as a kid my mum being the biggest talker i know would always talk for me kind of thing it was like i was mute and everytime someone would ask me a question she'd never give me the option to speak she'd just answer it for me, it got to the point where i'd just look to her for the answer instead of even trying to answer someones question. I never learnt to be able to communicate with people even buying something from the shop i'd give her the money and she'd go pay for it for me. my friends would ring me up on the phone and i'd refuse to talk to them so she'd organise me going over to their house instead of me doing it myself its insane! now i feel like im completely dependant on her...
except she isnt very sympathetic towards me she gets pissed off if im shy (???) or if i get nervous, if i feel sick, even if i have the flu she gets angry at me, if i cry she'd call me a baby (hello im like 8? at the time i was 8 or so), i then learnt to hide my feelings from the world in fear of being judged.
i don't hate her though, i feel like she has her own anxieties its the only way i can forgive her. I think maybe she cares so much that it worries the crap outta her she has no clue how to deal with it? and i guess she isn't good at showing her emotions either, she never likes to cry infront of me or anything like that...
To me it sounds like your mum is just worrying about you. I know it sucks and its hard and you need a life of your own to be able to experience normal things everyone else does, make mistakes and learn from them. I think she is just being over-protective have you told her how you feel? she obviously loves you alot and doesn't want anything bad to ever happen to you...I guess she also has her own anxities and needs to deal with them? ( i feel like my mum has passed hers on to me, i never use to care about my appearence until she started calling herself fat all the time now im paranoid about how i look)
unfortunately there isn't much you can do? how old are you? are you able to move out? actually even just talk to someone? like a counciler or something? it's amazing how much better you feel once you've talked to someone they can offer advice about what to do also... I'd love to help but i feel like i'm in the same boat....
i cant even catch public transport cause i never learnt my mum would just drive me where i wanted to go...then one day she got a life of her own got divorced found someone else... i'm 20 and i feel like i've gotta go back to being 10 and learn how to communicate, how to be confident, how to cook, how to catch a damn bus, you know things you need in everyday life to be able to grow up and move outta home!
Anubis
Well-known member
Yea, parenting is a weird factor. I would also say that my parents definitely influenced my introversion, but they apparently had no effect on my 2 little sisters who are extremely extroverted. It almost has to be the perfect combination of genetics, and specific upbringing. I think me being the first child had a lot to do with it too. I was the practice child. 
TheNewZero
Well-known member
Yea, parenting is a weird factor. I would also say that my parents definitely influenced my introversion, but they apparently had no effect on my 2 little sisters who are extremely extroverted. It almost has to be the perfect combination of genetics, and specific upbringing. I think me being the first child had a lot to do with it too. I was the practice child.
Lol yeah I was the 'practice child' too. I have a brother and two younger sisters and they're all perfectly fine- well at least socially. My mom was a maniac when we were little too- we all still talk about how hard it was living with her. Of course I get stuck with all the problems lol.
Off the wall, i did some of the things you mentioned like let her pay stuff from me and just be quiet. I am 17 now, and i am in college. My sister just turned 21 doesn't have SA though but she stays home because of my mother. If my sisters says shes going out my mom starts bitching so my sisters gets upset and stays home. If i had a good paying job my sister and i would move together. I am seriously tired, tired to the point that at times i wish i was never born and i want to kill myself. I can't never be in peace with my mother i travel to her homeland by myself for vacation and her family makes my life miserable cuz my mom tells them. Ughh i wish i was dead.
SalemEdgerton1
Well-known member
My mom's a lot like me and I think the social anxiety came from her, though my parents fostered it by never really pushing me to do try things, so I stuck with what made me feel comfortable which was probably a really bad idea but I didn't know at the time. How you raise your kids is what decides a large chunk of how they develop into adults so yea parenting is the key thing that really triggers SA I think.
Drummr
Active member
I just recently found out that my mom has SA (or avoidant, not sure), and both grandparents have it too. So it concentrated down to me. Since my mom has it she didn't really push me to be social, because she wasn't either. Plus being in a private school my whole life no doubt made it a heck of a lot worse... AvPD and SA
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I guess this summarizes my feelings about my parents influence and my SA. Although, even early in my life when I was about 9, I had a severe case of anxiety for a while which is a common factor with people who end up having SA or APD later on. So I don't know if my parents influence had any effect back then.
I feel very similar; my parents are really nice people, but they're also overly protective. I'm nineteen, yet I still depend on them in the same way that a small child would! I can't catch public transport alone, buy something from a grocery shop, talk to people I don't know, go anywhere alone, or do things like go for my driver's license because of the social interaction involved. They enable me to go on in this fashion because they drive me everywhere and talk to people for me. On the one hand I feel guilty about depending on them, but on the other hand I feel as if it is getting worse because of how they are willing to do all of these things indefinitely, because it gives them total control. I don't know, it's odd. My Mum freaks out if I so much as walk around the block by myself because she's worried I'll be abducted, and my Dad discourages me from getting a full time job... yet, at the same time, they tell me I need to learn to live as an independent individual in the world. It's perplexing!
But I don't have any ill feeling towards them; it's only that they confuse me. (I probably confuse them as well, so I guess it's mutual!)
But I don't have any ill feeling towards them; it's only that they confuse me.
(I probably confuse them as well, so I guess it's mutual!)
PinkFrog
Active member
Wow. My Mom and your Mom would be the best of friends. LoL. I swear, when I was reading that, I felt like it was ME writing that.
I feel that my upbringing probably had a lot to do with my developing of SA. I kind of grew up in a violent home life. My Dad was abusive to my Mom & siblings, and my Mom became very bitter after divorce. She was very protective, and didn't want me or my siblings to go out and be normal teenagers.
I started to be afraid of things, people, and situations as I got older. Now, I can barely have a conversation without feeling pains in my chest from anxiety.
Aww Pink, they probably should be bff. Seriously, my mom she is a nice person and everything but oh my lord. When i bring ppl home she is very judgmental and always embarrass me. For example, i ask the person do you want juice or anything they say no and she forces people to eat it. After they are done, she brings more food and keeps on insisting and insisting...is so annoying. I am very afraid and then she says things like idk what is going to be your future like, you are no good for nothing. Saying things like that breaks my spirit, it doesn't make it better.
ErinReives
Member
Yes, parents can and do influence SA. My parents always get together and scream at me for literally nothing right when I'm feeling good, and it'll give me more nervous breakdowns. That pretty much led me to be afraid of other people and what if I mess up around other people? How will they react? How will I find a way to punish myself for the little wrong nothings I do in front of other people? Cuz my parents "helped" me to see everything wrong that I do, and naturally I get punished for them. Also, the way they treat each other makes me fear relationships or having close friends.. Dunno if any of that made any sense...