did you get social phobia following a bereavement? Core negative beliefs?

[waine]

Hi
I am 22. I first noticed social anxiety when my grandad died when I was 8 years old. I remember the funeral and seeing my grandad just lying there. The next day I was back at junior school and just before assembly that morning everything just changed. I suddenly became aware of being worried about what others thought. Instead of going to the assembly I spent the entire assembly in the toilets. I didnt know what was happening to me. I came out crying. My teacher asked me what was wrong. I explained my grandad had passed away. Ever since this day I would feel tired every single day, would struggle to get out of bed, wake unrefreshed, unable to get to sleep, extremely slowed down. For the next 12 years I got through school, college and the first two years of uni. My parents had real trouble getting me to get out the house to go. I went because I have always enjoyed learning.

College was difficult. After lessons I would have to destress. And finally my parents told me to see GP. In 2007 I saw my GP. Got given citalopram. Nothing happened. I got put on paroxetine one month before my final year of uni when I was going to have to give presentations which I was dreading. Unbelievably to me, paroxetine worked and enabled me to finish uni.

I strongly denied there was anything wrong with me all those years. I am now on 60mg after 40mg stopped working for me. I have been on 60mg paroxetine since december 2008. I finished uni in May 2009. I have not been able to get a job. Only recently have I said to myself that I dont want to think these negative thoughts anymore. I have been working on my negative core beliefs. What I realise now is that for the past year the paroxetine didnt allow me to counter negative thoughts with CBT because they didnt arise until recently.

I was wondering if anyone elses problem started after a bereavement?
Also wondering if anyone else has had success after working on their negative core beliefs?
How long do you think I will need to reverse the 12 years of negative self talk?
Also does anyone with this problem live in north east england?

 

[stephen]

I think mine was an introverted personality combined with a gradual erosion in my trust for people. My first recollection was very early on when I was maybe two or three and hospitalised for a hernia operation. My mother had a new baby and couldn't come to the hospital to visit me and that really started the ball rolling as far as feeling that relationships are pretty tenuous things. Obviously for something like that to affect me at such a young age there must be some genetics or predisposition at play.

 

[Feathers]

Hi Waine, sorry to hear about your Grandpa. I was very devastated after my Grandpas and other much loved relatives died too.. Or when Granny almost died..

I think all these situations can cause stress and trigger us... Especially if there have been stresses from other events or sides too.. Other problems can add up too.. Like other people in our lives having depression/phobias/anxieties/worries etc. (often these things can 'run in families') Some say it might be genetic, or it's just transferred negative outlooks and ways of thinking, or perhaps both.. (I come from at least 3 generations of worriers..) Other people's/family members' behavior can 'contribute' too - being hypercritical or perfectionistic can add to problems, as well as not learning effective communication strategies and self-talk from our families..

Also, nutrition and environment can have a role. Nutrition habits and favorite recipes often run in families too.. (and sometimes they aren't healthy..) Also too many sweets can be bad, and on 'big events' there can be lots of sweets.. Sugar, alcohol, caffeine, stress, environmental toxics, artificial food additives etc. can all decrease the amount of healthy vitamins/minerals your body needs to fight against stress.. And that can lead to anxiety or depression etc.

If you really loved your Grandpa maybe also you started associating 'lots of people'='something bad' (these things usually aren't rational, but sort of subconscious)...

Now that you mention it, I think I may have gotten more withdrawn after Grandpa died too.. But it was in my early teenage years and some other things happened then too, so it was a combination of factors..

working on negative core beliefs - I had success with that in the past, so I hope to get success from it again I read many books that helped me a lot, found out about CBT from The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr David Burns.. It was very helpful at the time..
Some people say it's like 'going to the gym' - you have to do it so it helps..

I'm not in UK, there are quite some people from UK on this forum though, I think some may have done CBT too, some had not so good experiences with it - it probably depends how you do it and with whom.. Some people online said the book I mentioned explains stuff even better than their therapists did.. So, hm?
I also read books before that gave basics of CBT though they didn't call it 'CBT'.. if that makes sense..?

I don't think it's about the years that much, it's how you change your thinking and reframe your beliefs.. You can do that more quickly or not so quickly.. EFT or TAT can perhaps also be helpful, in combination with CBT and journalling. At least they were for me, for some things.. Though if your heart rate goes quick, maybe stay away from EFT, it energizes me very much, TAT is calmer..