desensitisation to rejection

[Vincent]

what if, what if

you learnt how not to care about social rejection, because you learnt how to laugh at yourself being dissed? isn't humor the enemy of angst?

Would this work? Could seeing yourself as a joke be a good stepping stone to social confidence?

This is not a new idea, but then, I don't think anything on this forum is and everyone knows this...

It's a circle, all the time the theory leads to action, however, that is too painful, so then, creation of more complexity, distracting from the real solution; action.

Shit, this isn't new either.

Someone write something orginal...

 

[Richey]

Not sure I completely get were your saying, however I know people who grew up in a house of love and affection, my family including my parents and my sister were never that kind of family, it was always fighting over the stupidist little worthless issues. We never hugged each other and our parents never showed affection and never tried to add humour or natural hapiness. Thats definately has affected me in a bad way, now im old enough to mold my own persona for myself, that always a reason to wake up in the morning

 

[Vincent]

noone reads what I writes

well shit,

guess thats what comes of not writing to the forum enough,

or being a selfish bastard only interested in solutions and not finding them here, not willing to give compassion, because anonomous compassion is a dead end in terms of progress

or maybe because the post isn't a question that can be contributed to, if i was to read an idea of someone Id want it to be someone that has recovered from SA, and I think Nick was the only one on this site that has right?

anyway, its all a moot point as noone is reading this, and if they are then they will probably assure me most emphatically that there are some reading it (them) and give me anonomous compassion regardless, but seeing as I wrote this last thing, then probably not, and this is just going in a circle, as I estimate the reaction of readers (if there are any) is changing as I hit key after key on this keyboard...

must be a lunatic, actually, this reminds me of a question that I should post, maybe that will get some responses...

blah

 

[crazyfairyx]

I think learning how to deal emotionally with social rejection (with humor or anything else) can help to get over SA, definately, but there's always the risk of going to far, and becoming too self depreciating.

Don't worry about not getting lots of replies, at the moment post numbers are limited, so it can take a while to get a response, doesn't mean that no-one understands what you mean.

Naomi x

 

[Angie_05]

Socially, I've never been rejected because I am too afraid to talk to people who intimidate me or seem better than me. I never had the chance to find out either way.

I have been rejected by guys before. It hurts and I wonder "is there something wrong with me?" but then someone else comes along and makes me feel like I am a good catch and I suddenly have forgotten that first rejection.

I am 21 and still cant figure out why rejection happens. Sometimes the most opposite people become friends or partners, and sometimes you can definitely tell why certain people are friends or partners.

To answer your question about laughing it off, I guess it depends on who you are laughing at. Yourself? The other person? I definitely agree that you should not take it seriously or try to analyze it.

 

[Vincent]

so its not a conversation with myself then?

thankyou, fairy and angie, you are restored my faith.

Angie, I think, from my limited experience, that alot of guys go into dates or what have with women never having the intention of doing more than getting laid, so in that case, its highly unlikely that anything you could do or say would change that. Maybe some guys go for the shy type girls because, they know that fewer others do, and because they are hit on less, they are more suseptible to charm and bullshit. Then you prolly want a shy man, however, he's not going to make the first move either right? Yet, its pretty much the guy's role. Also, would you really want a shy guy or a more confident one? I'd like to know just that actually, do women on this forum with SA prefer social confidence or a lack of, in potential partners?

I can't definately tell why my friends are mine, some in the past have exploited me. One particular guy, my roommate at the time was sleeping with my ex of whom I was in love with behind my back. This guy like sleeping with girls that had boyfriends, no qualms. He used me for his ego as I tried to glean skills from him. A player and a social phobic as buddies, an unlikely combination. Other friends are into computers or are recluses.

Actually, I have tried alot in the past to make myself into a joke with others, be crazy and what have as a way to have something rather than silence and hostility. It was better than nothing I guess. But, if your mates are going to laugh at you, then you should be able to with them too. So make fun of them, but if you make yourself obviously available they will use it, but if you reverse this, maybe you'll get smacked in the head. I'm too scared of this, being beaten, not because I have before. Do you feel scared of that too?

 

[Angie_05]

so its not a conversation with myself then?

no, it's not, we all are experiencing your problems but few of us know how to fix them, otherwise we wouldn't be here

I'd like to know just that actually, do women on this forum with SA prefer social confidence or a lack of, in potential partners?

Confident but humble. I want him to know he's just as worthy as other people, but not better than.

Actually, I have tried alot in the past to make myself into a joke with others, be crazy and what have as a way to have something rather than silence and hostility. It was better than nothing I guess. But, if your mates are going to laugh at you, then you should be able to with them too. So make fun of them, but if you make yourself obviously available they will use it, but if you reverse this, maybe you'll get smacked in the head. I'm too scared of this, being beaten, not because I have before. Do you feel scared of that too?

There was this group of boys back in high school that were always making fun of me and using me as a target of their jokes. I would get hostile and sad, but then I just started laughing when they would make jokes, or roll my eyes like "oh that was the dumbest joke" and walk away like I didn't have the time for them. Then I got really good and just started joking with them, like making jokes that they thought a chick could never think of. Soon they were using my jokes to laugh at each other.

I am scared of being beaten, but only if you crouch in the corner and let them take over.

 

[tewstroke]

i have tried to just laugh things off in the past, for instance if my voice sounds really sqeaky when i say hi to someone on the street i try to think of it as a silly voice. but if it something less minute i'll end up beating myself up over it. sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't it depends on the situation, the seriousness of it that is.