depressed..feelin' worthless, no interest in anything.....

[miguy]

ok, am i the only one or what, who is feeling depressed beyond believe...is there hope for finding joy and interest in life or the world, or even in others?

i mean, i have no motivation, desire or anyhing in "life" as others seem to find interest and happieness in the simplest of things...it's like i just don't care or something...like i'm displaced and in my own little bubble or something...anyone else feeling or experiencing the same?

it's like i'm sleep-walking now and all my life i have been this way, only now i'm seeing what i didn't see or know before...just thought something wasn't right or missing, didn't know what. now i know, i have no personality...well, i do have apd, but i find everything boring and uninteresting...other people, talking or "trying" to relate to other and etc...
i just don't know how "normally" functioning people do it...socializing, being motivated, having goals, dreams and any kind of joy or internal desire in world.

has anyone felt or is going thru this?...does it get better with meds, time or if i just force myself to be "normal" and try to socialize and find something interesting or show some kind of "fake" interest in others, will it improve or anything become natural to me or what...? it's like i'm stuck in a situation that's out of my control and can't do anything about, it's just too painful to think about take on.

is it possible that i just don't have the basic human ability to care, be interested in anyone other than myself....or is this something that can be corrected, reversed or maybe i can be "reprogramed" in some way...any thought, anyone?

seems like i always been this way, but it definately gotten worse with onset of depression with years...but i wonder if i was just born not to be "human" ? you know the saying, "humans are social animals," and by that understanding if i'm not social, i'm not human...how weird. i just feel like whatever it is that i should have been born with or had to learn to be able to have the basic ineterest in people, life and the world, i'm just missing that part of me...am i defective in some way, like i missed that lesson on how to be a person...is that possible?

i just don't know how to relate to others or what to talk about...it's freakin' me out....it's like i'm a robot or something.
it's not like i dislike or hate people, it's like i'm indifferent or something, could care less...can't stand that small chit-chat, small talk and everything else...everyone else knows that the in the world veryone else is out for themselves, so why pretend that they give a crap or what not..?

i'm convienced, i just am incapable of relating, interacting or ejoying anything about social human contact or the so-called "relationships" or "friendships." i never got it, learned it or whatever and never will.
i just got to creat a another "personality" for the world to see, that is if i ever intend on going back to school, getting a job or trying to move up in the fucking, suck-ass world that everyone but me seems like they're having a time-of-their-lives....

maybe i should take some acting classes or something....and then i can see about seeing a therapist with my fake-ass personality like i give a fuck about being social and that life is so god damn great....

i'm so frustrated and irritated tha i could just blow...

anyone know what i mean, what i'm talking about?

 

[recluse]

I feel the same. I feel that the way we turn out as adults is a lot to do with our parents. My parents have given me a good upbringing but i feel that i wasn't taught the skills of being social. You see my parents have never been the types to invite people around for gatherings, apart from some family at Christmas time, so i never had the oppurtunity to learn to be social. We are trained at an early age by our parents how to do basic stuff like to tie shoe laces, and tell the time yet social skills don't seem to have been taught to me. I mean is it a learned thing o'r does it come natural?

I'm confusing myself now :?

 

[miguy]

there's definately more to it than...

hey recluse...


i think it's more than just learned...it's also passed down....because my moms side there is no social abilites too...so, there is somethng to it.

in my case, it's more than just social skills, opportunities or experiences i mised out on...i never had the nurturing, sturtured and goal seting time of environment which didn't prepare me for adulthood, i never learned how to be an adult, how to relate and enjoy social concepts of life....so, that affecte every espect of my life now.

all i, or most of those who share my pain, can just think back and wonder what if...if our genes were better, different or if environment was better or filled with positive and we could explore and learn everything we should have, if our parents were "well-together" and successful themselves...the list goes on and one....i guess i'm thankful that i was not abused, just misguided, misdirected and neglected....lol

the whole thing is sad and very tragic...but that's life i guess....sadly