Sinopia
1
I've never had a bf. I'm a 38 year old woman. Many ppl say I'm good looking, that my look is very attractive and think it's weird that I'm still single. They do see I'm shy and notice that I'm different. I have social phobia and avoidant personality disorder and I had a very difficult upbringing. My parents are very strict, even though I'm a grown woman, they still interfere with everything. They only live 5 minutes away from me and drop by here on regular basis without ringing the bell first. My dad just opens the door. The strict Asian upbringing was in a way that me and my siblings were hit a lot, lots of pressure when it comes to studying. My parents were and still are always fighting on daily basis and never divorced. They don't suit each other. I was forced to have dinner with them on daily basis because I'm single and they think they could support me financially this way. I had to eat with them on daily basis till the age of 32 or something. So when my dad is yelling to my mom or me or my siblings for minutes or hours, my brain was drained by my dad's yelling on daily basis. I've talked, yelled, cried, did everything to let my parents know that I really didn't like this anymore. The house where I live in was chosen by my parents. They forced me to live close to them, because they simply don't want their kids to live far away from them, so their kids can always help them when necessary. I've been living in this house since 2010. Unfortunately I haven't had the luck to find another place to move to. I want to live far away from my parents to be really free. The memories of childhood has mentally damaged me so much. I'm a person who cannot make decisions, because of a very narcissistic father. I became a passive person when it comes to take action, because of harsh upbringing. I wasn't allowed to do anything I wanted. Now that I'm a grown woman I do a lot of things, I'm very active. I join events on regular basis. I didn't dare to do all the things that I'm doing now when I was a bit younger, but I do everything alone, because I don't have friends. Finding a lot of friends and a bf is hard, because my life was like a prison for years. Nowadays I only eat with my parents 3 times a week, so basically i have enough freedom to do what I want, but I feel lost and my mind is often still a prison in a way that I sometimes still think: what should I do? Should I let my parents know what I'm up to? What would they think of this? I'm on therapy since February. I've been on dating apps for a couple of years and I've been talking to a boy who's 2 years younger than me since a month ago. He's really into me, but we haven't met yet. We both want to meet up soon. Yesterday I've asked him if he has ever dated an Asian. He said yes, so he's familiar with us. Then he asked me about what ethnicities I've been with. I was on my way to a restaurant, so I said to him: I'll talk to you later. I haven't answered him yet. What should I say to him? Should I tell this to him on WhatsApp? The only contact we have now is on WhatsApp. Or should I wait till I see him in real life and then tell him? I don't want to bother him with my whole background story. How and what should I tell him now on WhatsApp? I don't want to ignore his question or start ghosting. I hope he won't mind that I've never had a bf and don't have friends.
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