coversation

[artisan]

Id say im a really confident person and I have lots to say, too much. But when it goes to speaking to people I freeze up. I always think what if I run out of what to say, or usually I just have nothing to say. I don't know how to start a conversation and keep it going. If I have already spoken to someone about their school work etc I have nothing left. This one girl I spoke to we talked quite well about uni on two occasions then I didnt know what to talk about after that. There's always something in the back of my head that makes me panick. The only way I can speak to people now is if they are really talkative. I also find walking and talking the hardest thing possible. I always find that the hardest thing. I hate it also when I have nothing to say and the other person doesnt even though I know they are talkative. I hate the pressure at work when people sit down with me because they know I'm nice but then I dont know what to say in general chit chat.

 

[karolinka99]

omgoodness....mee too!! i hate it...like im ALWAYS thinking about what to say next...what can i talk about...im so preocupied about saying something that i panick and freeze up dont end up saying much..also if i ever do have to say something i usually stuff it up..like as if im trying to speak to fast and then my words get all mumbled up...and then sometimes im trying to explain something and i cant think of the right words to say and i stop mid way through what i am saying ...and theres a huuge gap of silence while i think of what im trying to say...its SOOO embarrassing =( i dont know what to do about it....i even avoid people as much as i can now...

As for you saying how people dont say much (even though you know they are talkative) i totally get you on that one...it happens to me all the time (especially at work..where you cant get away from the people haha
=( )...man it makes me feel super uncomfortable and really depressed sometimes...hrmm

:roll: any ways its cool finding someone that goes through the same stuff as i do...just wanted to vent..=) i cant really speak to my friends about it (not that i have very many...lol...so sad but true)....*sigh* so i think this way is good..=)

 

[Indecisive]

Karolinka99 ~ I do the exact same thing when talking with someone. It's as if my brain and mouth aren't connected anymore so it takes what feels like mintues for me to say anything. Even when I do say something it comes out feeling forced, the long pauses between words makes it difficult for the person I'm speaking to to follow and often I forget what it was I was trying to say. Lately I just keep quiet because it seems the words I do say upset whom ever I'm talking to. I just get frustrated with myself and my lack of speaking skills, I get angry and want to escape whatever sitituation I'm in at the moment. Lately anger, frustation and sadness seem to rule my life. I can seem to get other peopel to laugh but rarely laugh myself, it's almost as if I only know how to feel sad and upset. My memory is terrible, I have no drive and only seem to look forward to eating and sleeping. Sorry if it seems all this was directed at you Karo that wasn't my intent, it all ended up turning into a rant.

 

[karolinka99]

NO no..its totally fine "INDE"...its so good to actually be able to talk about this with someone that can understand..=) haha i too feel like i just live to eat and sleep....its terrible because i feel like im wasting my life away.. and there is so much to do in such little time and i think im just holding my self back waiting for tomorrow to come and be a new me..BUT tomorrow never comes unfortunately.

i am at uni and my grades are suffering because every semester i just get to a point where i think whats the point on doing this if im just going to go no where .. i get so demotivated...i feel like i have no social/speaking skills and if i havent got that how am i going to get a job...how am i going to get through uni...how am i going to get though life??? i dunno...right now im not in a terrible emotional state...but i do fall into a deep depression at various times through the year where i just dont want to exist...i see all these happy people who have no problem in communicating and just wish that it could be me.. do u ever feel like this? like if i could fix this my issues would all be gone..=)

QUOTE: "I do the exact same thing when talking with someone. It's as if my brain and mouth aren't connected" <--- that is soo me! hehe damn...but hey..i dont think you should stop trying to conversate with people...the more you retreat the worse it will get...=) what i try to consiously do is slow down when i speak..and think of what im going to say before i say it...(just try not to make it sound rehearsed...(which sometimes happens =( i think) lol...

and srsly feel free to rant all you want..=)

 

[Indecisive]

It feels like all I do lately is rant, just basicly feel grumpy/grouchy all the time. I wake up each day wondering why I woke up and wanting to just to go back to sleep. I don't feel capable of making friend or keeping them, and forget about having a girlfriend. Does anyone else go thru a cycle of becoming very close to a person and really opening up then start to feel scared and shut down totally? I feel very isolated and believe it's because of my lack of confidence in myself. It's very hard for me to make and keep friends.

 

[thequietone]

I know how you all feel. All my life I've surrounded myself with people that talk nonstop, which makes me feel like an alien and really uncomfortable, but hey, at least all I have to do is shut up and listen.
Silences are SO awkward for me. I can't stand them. If I'm not with someone who knows how to talk and fill silences, then I feel obligated to do it. The problem is I DON'T KNOW HOW. Then I start talking really fast about something stupid and make of fool of myself!

 

[Richey]

I am the exact same in that I live inside my own head and chanelling it into conversation is such a challenge.....its all about feeling relxed and if im not relaxed then anything could come out of this mouth

ive also noticed that even though we may think we;re making a fool of ourselves by talking non sensicle banter..most people dont really mind because they are happy that your interested, even if its sillyness or your talking fast...ipso facto! the more you practice the easier it becomes and the more relaxed you feel...the more you can adapt around groups i suppose...just letting go is difficult..of the past...because if we didnt think about the past then we probably wouldnt let the stigma of it follow us around

 

[Robert_Dobo_USC]

I used to keep it bottled up and make excuses but now I am quite open about it, I feel talking about it is a great form of therapy. I use my 20+ year battle as an example in how I can help peolple so I try to let everyone know this is what I have suffered from and I am not ashamed of it. I often get replies like "I have suffered from the same thing" It's always good to hear you are not alone.

Robert Dobó

 

[stormygrey]

Silences are SO awkward for me. I can't stand them. If I'm not with someone who knows how to talk and fill silences, then I feel obligated to do it. The problem is I DON'T KNOW HOW. Then I start talking really fast about something stupid and make of fool of myself!

ahhh... I can totally relate. The things with these silences is that even tho i might have something to say but it comes out all wrong.m seriously starting to consider what some famous guy once said: The best thing is to be quiet and thought a fool rather than open one's mouth and resolve all doubt. it works most of the times i guess.

 

[karolinka99]

YUP! silences are theee worst..they just make me panic and i feel like i have to break the silence and say something so people dont think i'm boring!..but then when i open my mouth its just like i should have just kept it shut..haha...

has anyone ever tried to seek help for this? i went to a psychologist briefly last year..i found the whole thing a waste of money and didnt really do much....it was just about how you have to change your way of thinking and force yourself to get rid of negative thoughts...! i duno the whole thing was stupid...

um "INDE" as for being afraid to get close to people (girls) i am with you on that...i can usually get guys that im interested in but keeping them is another story...! =( i usually freak and dont want them to find out what i weirdo i am (by weirdo i mean that i have issues with making conversation and being comfortable around people)- like example...i went on a date with this guy who worked at general pants ( you know those people who are just so extroverted and happy and loud) and it was fine but the whole time i was so worried that we were gona run out of conversation that i was so anxiety ridden!! =( as i result i never called him back or anything..=( i really liked him too.!!! argh i hate hate hate having this stupid SA...so annoying!

does anyone have issues with feelings of being inferior in some way to others? i mean like with ppl who are in power (like your boss) for example or people who you think are better looking or just more talkative than you? i seem to have this...i dont know whyy....i guess its just a lack of self esteem that i have developed =( i just shut down when ever someone like that is around me!

Also i fear groups! one on one im fine..i can carry on a conversation (albeight a boring one...just like how's uni...how was your weekend...standard stuff..but at least i can function)! With a group of people i shut down again..and just smile and laugh when someone says something but hardly say anything..MAKES me feel SOOOO dumb!

n e ways that is all for now.....=) cheers ppl

 

[Indecisive]

um "INDE" as for being afraid to get close to people (girls) i am with you on that...i can usually get guys that im interested in but keeping them is another story...! =( i usually freak and dont want them to find out what i weirdo i am (by weirdo i mean that i have issues with making conversation and being comfortable around people)- like example...i went on a date with this guy who worked at general pants ( you know those people who are just so extroverted and happy and loud) and it was fine but the whole time i was so worried that we were gona run out of conversation that i was so anxiety ridden!! =( as i result i never called him back or anything..=( i really liked him too.!!! argh i hate hate hate having this stupid SA...so annoying!

I'm a guy and find it difficult to become good friends with other guys basicly cuz I don't know how to act. I don't really feel like a guy, seem to feel more like an "other", something uniquely weird and out there.

does anyone have issues with feelings of being inferior in some way to others? i mean like with ppl who are in power (like your boss) for example or people who you think are better looking or just more talkative than you? i seem to have this...i dont know whyy....i guess its just a lack of self esteem that i have developed =( i just shut down when ever someone like that is around me!

Yes, often I feel like a lesser person. I feel on the spot when I speak and generally don't make sense when I do. I feel if I'm not nice and if I don't do things for people they won't like me. I just feel dissconnected to other people, I'm not working and my social skills suck so I get indimidated. When someone asks about me and what is going on in my life, I just give the "nothing much answer" basicly because nothing is happening. I've been on this Earth 25+ years and still don't have a direction, I dissconnect from my family and don't have any close friends.

Also i fear groups! one on one im fine..i can carry on a conversation (albeight a boring one...just like how's uni...how was your weekend...standard stuff..but at least i can function)! With a group of people i shut down again..and just smile and laugh when someone says something but hardly say anything..MAKES me feel SOOOO dumb!

Groups are a lot of work, I just feel out of place, comments are going so fast it's hard to know when to speak up. I just can't seem to relax, don't remember the last time I really had fun, even simple tasks are difficult to me. Does anyone else feel like no matter what they are doing or where they are they are suffering? It's like no matter what I'm doing I'd rather be doing something else, I just can't enjoy the moment I'm in, just wanting to escape. Escape to where I don't know.

 

[karolinka99]

interesting....so what do u do? i think shutting yourself completely out of society is not good.... = ( i know its an effort and its a huge stress to get yourself out there but maybe start by getting a part time job just a couple of days a week? i hate going to work because everyone is so social and loud...i just kind of fade out but not going would be worse....oh or maybe join the gym? i have joined (finally after YEARS of putting it off)..apparently it helps clear the head..and makes you feel better....OH and how's your eating? try to eat healthy...dont eat lots of prepackaged stuff..or extremely fatty things...this could improve your mood...maybe?diet has a lot to do with mood..SO they say!hrmmm...i dont mean to sound like a preacher...sorry ( :roll: )

ok so at work...i often find that dealing with customers is fine..i have no issues really dealing with the whole.."hi! how can i help you..." standard customer interaction...i just have more of an issue socialising with work ppl and getting into a more "closer" interaction....u get me?

n e ways... i too dont really get a long with my family....they all annoy me...i feel like im not realy a nice person as well! =( i think thats the main issue...but being all warm and nice just doesnt really come out easily or naturally... i m not sure when this started because i was thinking about it the other day...i wasnt like this when i was young...like i even feel uncomfortable around family friends...I HATE HATE HATE going to family events...i HONESTLY just sit there not speaking to anyone...and my excuse is that i just dont like anyof them...and try to convince my self that i am too good for them so why should i talk to them....(horrible i know...but its my way of justifying my behaviour!... :? )

i have just one really close friend...i have a couple of girlfriends i hang out with but in all seriousness i think i just have one true friend...but even she annoys me now...(its not her though...i think its just me..) - you see shes moving on with her life..she has a boyfriend now..about to finish uni...her life is all coming to a full circle..while ME...i have all the potential in the world but just feel like im stuck...just STUCK ....held back maybe...and i guess its just the dissatisfaction in my inability to move on that irritates me the most..and i feel horrible for pushing her away ! arrgh everything is falling to crap around me!

Urgh my mother is unbearable too! i really want to move out..but i have no money..and i dont think i could ever find someone to put up with my moodyness and my non-social tendancies..hahah im such a mess! =(

k ill leave it at that for now....hope im not freaking you out either... :wink: